Your lie (Levi • Reader)

I'll always wrap it around you

"Home"

Shimmering stones glistened against the pale light floating down, while you made your way to Levi's house in the dark. The air outside was cold, though you remained unfazed by it, despite of the wind reaching your bones.
This evening felt like something someone would read out loud like a tale, while you just plainly listen to the recounting.
It was peculiar how you only remembered Levi opening and letting you go into his house.

The next thing you saw were your hands, which looked so red for yet another time, stained and sullied in this substance you never wanted to be confronted with again. Blotches drizzled down your palms, as your eyes widened and you felt giddiness traveling up your guts and straight to your throat.

So then there was you, kneeling against the tiles of the smooth floor, leaning down the toilet and letting it all out.
Throughout almost the entire evening had you needed to throw up over and over again, while Levi stood beside you and lifted your hair up so it didn't get in the way.
He remained silent, his patience trailing off into the night. With care, he waited for your body to finally find rest, though it hurt him to see it didn't.

Feebleness and pain mingled inside of you, though there were too many things to recount about as that you could point out what hurt most.
Was it the fact that you were aware how you'd never see your dad again?
How you were left behind with this unexplainable amount of power inside of you, which you didn't even know how to handle?
How your friends hated you for doing what you did and you felt so incapable of changing it, because you felt as if it was more than just deserved?
Or how it all got emphasised by the fact of your mind constantly pushing forward the scenes, which occurred mere hours ago?
You couldn't even differentiate between random pictures you knew and the blurry ones unknown to you. Distanced memories flashed through your head, some familiar, others seemingly never experienced.

All of that combined represented the head-ache pushing against your skull, while you leaned down and hoped for all of it to finally stop.
But when looking into his face, you couldn't remark any hatred or anger about the happenings. Levi's unchanged expression appeared in the moonlight falling from above and shining through the drapes onto his pale face.

The next day you found your head buried in your knees, after you had taken a hot shower and entirely changed clothes this morning.
The tea on the table in front of you had already cooled hours ago, therefore it seemed pointless in even trying to caress your throat. Your head still hurt after thinking about reality.
The soft cushion against your back reshaped in the form of your relaxed back, as it seemed to contain no energy, even though your body felt more flexible than ever.

For how long have you stayed in this house?
Was it thirty minutes after you woke up, or rather four hours?
How long did you need to stay here?
For how long could you?
Was it even allowed?
Would Levi get punished for keeping you safe, would he have to take the responsibility?

Your bad conscience grew, you knew you overthought a lot, though it was justified this time.
After all, he was the only person left for you. Gritting your teeth, you found yourself paining with doubts and regrets.
Why did you want him to leave you so badly, just like the rest already did?

It simply felt as if you were a burden to him, as if you worsened his good reputation with yours and it was definitely the last thing you wanted to do. It wasn't fair to him to carry the consequences of your choices with himself, after all, you were the one to blame.