Your lie (Levi • Reader)

83. Notwithstanding I

...Because that was it. Now there was just you and me...

The afternoon-sun glimpsed upon the wide horizon, remotely beaming with its orange light. Field after field, therefore passing more than thrice as much miles as you'd guess, and lastly one alone-standing tree after further nothingness, as far as the eyesight could reach.

The wild wind whistled in your ears, as eyes concentrated on the things laying before you.
And all you could think of were the actions, which occurred just hours ago.
Was it this never-ending prickling your body still held intact, which brought you to the margin of irritation or rather how none of this seemed to make sense?
The first thing you wondered about, was whether your friends would ask where you were, due to the fact, that you didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Shortly after, your stream of thoughts leaded you to an alley of sheer backlash from the last few days.

Why hadn't Levi told you anything? He had no reason to keep it a secret, right?
And even with that, why did Petra know about it?
Your heart dropped into the toilet bowl.
Why, out of all people, did she know?
Hange surely didn't, because she apparently would've babbled about it with the big mouth of hers.
So why?
The best of your guesses was, that Petra had some kind of involvement in those dealings, but didn't you have one of quite a significance as well? Even Erwin came out surprised, that you weren't aware of this journey, because it seemed to be pretty important.

So another guess followed hesitantly.
What if he shared this information with her, because the two of them wouldn't see each other for a longer period of time?
Now your heart flushed down this same exact toilet.

The both of them were acquainted for quite long and since Levi wasn't one to be public about such stuff as romantic involvement, he kept it more or less between them both, whereas Petra, the lovely woman she is, didn't bother to hide too much of her emotions.
I mean, you even saw her the other day, casually strolling to his office in the middle of the night. How isn't that indication enough?
You wondered what they did there, but you didn't even want to imagine the picture of him looking at her the soft way he sometimes did with you.
Let alone kissing her.
His tender lips touching hers, promising that his entirety belonged to her now. His cold gaze and the eyes you would get lost in, after getting to know this touch of cool.
And all of it, that would be hers and hers only.

A sigh escaped your mouth, with your eyes becoming one with the sunset caressing the wide meadows. The way it melted in the distance fascinated you and made you feel cloudy with every hint of further disappearance behind the broad landscape.
Your hues dwelled in particular sadness at the portrait of him being with her and them being finally happy.
It's not, that you wouldn't be happy for them, it's just that you would be sad at the same time. And you unfortunately wouldn't be able to suppress this emotion residing inside of your heavy chest.

But at the end of the day, Petra would deserve him, because she was kind, loving and seemed to get along with him more than just good, due to her acceptance of his difficult demeanour.
And Levi would more than just deserve her, somebody this lovable.
Because even though you hated him for everything he was doing, constantly, non-stop, you came to realise that he was an asshole with a heart and that you liked him. Maybe a lot. Notwithstanding, that he was doing things you'd never be able to comprehend.
And so if you had to decide for one bliss, one jollity in this whole wide world and had to gift it to someone of your own choice, it would be Levi.
No argument could convince you otherwise.

And this particularly conflicted you so much, that it tore your being in two halves. One, which hated him to death and one, which admired him as much, as that it would give its whole life to make his life contain the slightest grasp of joy.