Chapter 56

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Jace had left.

Well, rather was kicked out. Robert and Maryse had their portal approved and were allowed to stay until Serena woke up and they insisted that Jace take some time to clean himself up and talk to Alec who was going crazy, while they watched over her.

Not to mention the Downworlders.

No one really understood how trusted and beloved Serena was to the Downworlders. No one really understood her relationship with them, not even Alec who'd also been working with them much more since their marriage. But it was clear she cared for them as fiercely as they cared for her. 

Magnus had two full rooms of fire messages and gifts for Serena when she woke up, so far. Not to mention that the Seelie Queen had even assigned Meliorn to Serena's side until she woke up, protection until she could protect herself again.

Many of the Shadowhunters were still growing accustomed to the number of Downworlders coming and going from the Institute just to see Serena.

The Downworlders had also doubled their efforts in finding Valentine. All of them were anxious for revenge after the rogue Shadowhunter had been the one to send the demon into the Institute and after Serena.

Alec, however, had hardly been to see his wife. He couldn't stand to see her and be reminded of what he'd done, that he was the reason that she was there, that she might not wake up.

He may not have remembered doing it, but he remembered watching himself do it on the security cameras.

And it haunted him. In his every waking moment and in his nightmares when he did sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the picture of him slamming Serena's head into the wall before he saw her lying in a hospital bed she may never wake up from.

He stood on the roof of the Institute, hands shaking as he fired arrow after arrow at the horizon, each one exploding when he willed them to.

He'd lost count of how many he'd fired when a voice called, "Alec," and his arrow was then pointed at Jace.

"Move," Alec ordered, fingers itching to release the arrow.

"How long have you been up here?" Jace asked, concerned, and unmoving.

"I'm glamoured. No one can see me. Move."

"You can't beat yourself up," Jace said.

"It's all I can do!" Alec yelled as his hands shook even more.

"Alec, Jocelyn and Serena weren't your fault. It was the demon -"

Alec only moved closer to Jace as he snarled, "Get out of the way!"

"Hey," Jace said softly as he raised his hands in surrender. "Same side, remember?"

Alec dropped his bow, both that and his quiver vanishing.

"Come on man. Come back inside," Jace said.

"That is the last place I want to be."

"Alec, Valentine has the Soul Sword. He slaughtered the silent brothers. We need our best soldiers -"

"Stop pretending this never happened!" Alec yelled. "I couldn't save you from Valentine. I couldn't save you from the City of Bones. I couldn't save-"

Alec took a breath as Jace felt for his parabatai.

"She's Clary's mother. Your mother. Serena's mother. And I killed her. And I almost killed Serena!"

"Alec that wasn't your fault!" Jace screamed back at him.

"Yes, it is! I love her! I love her more than anything else in the world! I can barely stand hurting her when we train, and I almost killed her. Your twin. Izzy's parabatai. My wife. And she may never wake up because of me!"

"Alec, no one blames you for it," Jace said calmly, unable to see as Alec drew a rune on the back of his hand as he stood at the concrete railing.

"They should."

And Alec jumped. 

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