Miranda sat in her car and cried her eyes out. She couldn't bring herself to go inside of her house yet. She didn't want Tuck or Joey to worry so she sat until she could get herself together but it seemed as if the more she wiped away her tears the more they fell.
Ben pulled into the driveway and he got out carrying dinner in his hand. Miranda leaned over so Ben wouldn't notice she was still sitting in the car. She watched him walk pass and up to the house unlocking the door as he walked in shutting the door behind him.
"Hey." Ben greeted Tuck and Joey.
"Hey Dad."
"Hey Ben." Joey replied. Ben walked in and set the food on the counter waiting for Miranda to come out of the room. Ben looked around. "Hey where is your mom? Did she say anything when she came in?" Ben asked Tuck.
"Mom didn't come in." Tuck replied.
"Huh?" Ben questioned walking to the window and he peeked out of the blinds, he couldn't see into her car so he walked back to the front door and walked outside.
Her car wasn't running so why was she just sitting in the cold.
"Miranda." Ben called as he walked to the window of her car and he took in her state. Tears were screaming down her face.
"Miranda baby what’s wrong?" Ben questioned seriously concerned.
"I'm fine Benjamin. I just need a minute." Miranda responded turning her head away from him so he wouldn't see her face.
Ben walked around to the other side of the car and he pulled on the handle. "Open the door." Ben demanded and Miranda relented pressing the unlock button.
Ben got into the car and he shut the door turning to look at her. "Tell me all about it." Ben encouraged and he watched as his wife looked up at him with the saddest tearful eyes.
Ben reached down and pushed her seat back for more leg room and leaned the chair back some and he reached his arms out to her.
Miranda pouted and un did her seat belt pushing her chair back, like a wounded child, she climbed into his lap and laid her head into his neck, snuggling into his scarf. Her chest heaved up and down and she sniffled.
"I helped Amelia today." Miranda said in between her hard inhale for a breath of air.
"And what did she have going on?"
"Her water broke and Richard had cobalt poisoning from his hip surgery from years back so I had to ask Link to perform the surgery meaning Amelia didn’t have Link to help her and be with her during delivery. So I stepped in."
And Ben knew immediately why she was crying.
"I got up In the bed behind her and I helped her, encourage her to push and gritted my teeth during the contractions. I watched as Carina guided the baby out and wiped him off, weighing him. I held him and then watched as his parents laid in the bed and admired his new scent and beauty and-- its just...it wasn't me. "
"It wasn't us...that was suppose to be us." Miranda cried and Ben was actually surprise that Miranda was opening up to him about their miscarriage. She normally shut him out when it came to that chapter of their marriage.
"We didn't get to hold her or bounce her in our lap. We didn't get to read to her or watch her as she slept. She slipped away so quickly before we could even give her a name." Miranda cried.
"I loved her so much." Miranda cried.
"I did too." Ben replied rubbing her back. "If love was enough. She never would have died. You know I use to think that life was just about beating the waves but sometimes it's about learning to breathe underwater. This is a dark and sad chapter for us but we will get through this. We were going to have a baby but we had an angel instead and we are still learning to process and be okay with that." Ben said sadly.
"This hurts and some days I can't deal." Miranda told him sadly.
"I know baby." Ben replied. "You know I got this card from Miller and it kind of made me feel a tinch a better.
"What was it?" Miranda asked intently.
"It said an angel in the book of life wrote down your babies birth and then whispered as they closed the book too beautiful for earth." Ben told her and Miranda thought about what he said.
“Remember when we were on top of the fire truck and I told you that it was scary to bring another life into this dark world. I did think about how babies lost in the womb were never touched by fear, they were never hungry, they never cried, they were never cold and never alone and they knew they were loved."
"She knew that she was loved." Miranda repeated.
"I never told you but I did name her." Ben said softly.
"You did?" Miranda questioned sitting up wiping her eyes as she stared at him.
"Yeah, I told you about the friend I lost, his name was Daniel and I remembered having that same helpless feeling at his lost so I named her Danny."
"Danny." Miranda smiled brightly at him.
"You know my parents lost a daughter named Danielle and she was named after my mother's sister who passed when my mother was a younger. So I was calling her Danielle. It felt good to feel that she was up there with her Aunties, all the Danielle's comforting each other. " Miranda smiled and it caused Ben to smile. "So Danny is beautiful." Miranda added.
"I wish I could take away all your hurt and pain." Ben told her taking his thumbs to wipe her tears.
"I wish I could take away yours too but if we don't feel the pain then it wasn't real." Miranda replied reaching out to rub his cheek.
"I love you so much Ben and even moments like this mean so much to me. The real intimacy of just being connected and there for one another. I don't know what I would do with out you. You make my life complete beyond measures." Miranda professed to him.
" you changed and turned my world upside down and I would never want to go back. You had me well before our date 3 and I still feel the same way about you as I did back then. I love you so much and it grows everyday." Ben responded cupping her cheek with his hand before her leaned it for a kiss. They kissed for a while before Miranda leaned into his neck once more.
The two set in the car just laying together and Ben rubbed her back up and down in comfort. "Are you ready? I'm sure the boys are worried. This is the 3rd time they have looked out the blinds."
"I told them if they want to see something to turn the blinds with the nob not push it down with their fingers. They are not going to be satisfied until we look like the ghetto house on the street with missing pieces in the blinds." Miranda huffed and Ben chuckled opening the door. Miranda reached behind him and grabbed her work bag and purse and put it on her shoulder.
"What!?" Miranda yelped as Ben got out of the car with her and she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist.
"Mmm. This is sexy." Miranda commented.
"Oh really because I distinctly remember you saying me going up 6 flights of stairs with a 50 pound hose bag was not cute and now I'm carrying you like a damsel in distress and it's sexy."
"That's because that’s dangerous...this is sexy. One can get you in a hospital bed and the other can get you in our bed with me on top of you. Which one do you prefer?" Miranda sassed.
“I prefer option 2."
"I thought so." Miranda laughed kissing his cheek.
