Miranda got into her car and she placed her head on the steering wheel as she finally let the tears she was holding in fall out.
She was trying to keep her breathing under control but she was loosing it and her patience was slipping.
Everything was out of her control and she couldn't think of anything to do to fix it. Physically her head was spinning and her chest felt like it was going to cave in. It hurt to breath.
"Ughhhh." Miranda groaned sucking in her breath. She couldn't pull her self back together. Miranda reached over into her bag for her phone and she pulled it out dialing her husband's number.
"Hey baby." Ben answered on the first ring.
"I need you." Miranda voiced in distress and Ben immediately got off of the couch. He could hear her heavy breathing and sniffling.
"Miranda. Miranda what's wrong?" Ben asked in panic mode.
"I can't drive home like this. I'm having a mental break down. My anxiety is everywhere and I'm loosing it Ben. I am not okay." Miranda cried.
"Okay I'm going to ask Joey to look out for Pru while she is sleeping and I'm on my way. Just do the breathing exercises like we talked about. How about just stay on the phone with me." Ben encouraged moving around the house, sliding his shoes on.
"Okay." Miranda whispered. Ben listened to his wife's heavy breathing and her hyperventilating sounds. That normally happens after you have a real heavy cry.
"Miranda listen to me." Ben said as he walked to Joey's room.
"Hey look out for Pru until I get back." Ben instructed setting the monitor down on the nightstand and listening to Joey's okay.
"I know it's hard to relax but you have to. As you relax and slow your breathing. Anxiety flows out."
"As I relax. Anxiety flows out." Miranda repeated blowing out a breath.
"There is no obstacles that you can't over come. With every exhale, you release tension"
"There is no obstacle that I can't over come." Miranda took in a deep breath and blew out a deep exhale.
" I release tension."
"Good good. The panic you feel is temporary. Tomorrow is a brand new day to think clearly and look for new opportunities. I can weather this storm. This is just a storm and the sunshine is coming."
Miranda stayed silent as her tears fell. "Miranda you're sunshine is coming." Ben repeated as he drove to her.
"My sunshine is coming." Miranda finally said.
"Pull on your ears to release endorphins."
Miranda did as told and she leaned her head back against the head rest and closed her eyes
After a while Ben arrived pulling into the employee parking lot.
She looked over suddenly at the light knock on her window.
Ben opened the car door as Miranda hung up her phone and he leaned down and pulled her into a tight hug kissing her on the head. "You're okay." Ben assured her and Miranda squeeze his body tightly as she inhaled his scent. Ben could hear Miranda’s heart race as she laid against him.
"Okay let me get your bag and keys." Ben stated reaching around her for everything.
Ben helped Miranda out of her car and he pulled her into him hugging her once more. Miranda sighed contently in her husband's arms. It was no safer place. She always had these big emotions. Ever since she was a little girl, so when her mom introduced her to her tree. It became her stress relief. The older she got. Her dad built a tree house for her to read in and have her feelings. Through out college and med school she had to move on from her tree. So she internalize everything. She made everything okay in her mind. Then Ben built her a tree house, a place for her to go when she was worried and to de-stress, but ultimately, he was her tree. He was the roots to her life. He grounded her and made her feel un movable. She could share everything with him and him just being there made her always feel better.
Miranda gasped in shocked when Ben lifted her bridal style. "Benjamin. I can walk." Miranda informed sheepishly.
"I know." Ben replied carrying her to his car. He opened the car door and set her inside and pulled the seat belt around her before he shut the door.
Ben got inside and he pressed the button to start the car again. He began to drive home and he looked over at Miranda, grabbing her hand.
Miranda gave him a light smile even though her eyes were still pooling with tears.
Ben tried to let her enjoy the comfortable silence before he would ask her all about it once they were in their house and in bed.
Parking the car, Ben got out and went around to Miranda's side. He unbuckled her and grabbed her things before lifting her once more and this actually produced a giggle from her mouth this time.
"Care to tell me what's funny Mrs." Ben asked in a teasing manner.
"You're my Hero." Miranda commented causing Ben to chuckle.
Ben walked with her inside and he sat her bag on table but held onto her phone.
"Might I add that this was a sexy outfit and you look sexy Miranda." Ben pointed out and Miranda smirked saying "Thank you."
Ben walked with her down the hall, all the way to the end and opened the door to their bed room setting her on the bed.
"I'm going to run you a bath okay." Ben informed as he walked to their bathroom cutting the water on and making sure it was a good temperature before letting it fill up.
He put a cup of Dove nourishing relaxing care lavender bath salt and a little bit of vanilla scented bubbles and then walked back into the bed room.
Miranda was in the same spot he left her with her face in her hands. He hated that she was going through a mental battle right now and he just wanted to make her be okay.
He walked over to her and got down on his knees as he took her shoes off and set them a side. He reached up and unbuttoned her pants before sliding them down her beautiful thighs. Followed next was the removal of her suit jacket before he pulled down the zipper to her blouse. He grabbed her hair clips and pulled her hair up, clipping the sides to make sure they wouldn't get wet.
Ben wanted to comment on the sheer black lace that adorned her body but now was not the time. So he bit his lip and swept his eyes across her multiple times and of course his lingering eyes didn't go unnoticed by Miranda.
"They are new. I got this set last weekend." Miranda announced.
"Good pick, it's sexy too." Ben acknowledged.
After undressing Miranda, he carried her once more to the tub and lowered her inside. He knew the water was piping hot and Miranda liked it that way. He never could understand why women like to boil inside of their water.
Miranda let out a deep sigh in contentment, the water felt good against her skin and muscles. Ben came up on the side of the tub and he grabbed her hands and began to give her a reflexology hand massage. Different parts of your hands connected to different places in the body.
"What happened Miranda?" Ben asked.
"The Residency Program Advisory board came to day and I tried to navigate them through. To show them that we are a well oiled machine. Some parts went great and other parts was a shit show."
"Why wasn't Richard showing them around. He is the director." Ben questioned.
"Exactly but he had a test to test his surgical ability or what ever and-
"That was a test that could have been postponed but he put it all on you…this is not all on you. Everything has a chain of command. He so busy trying to prove him self and have statue titles, that don't count for shit and he wants to pull rank from time to time but when he was really needed and really did need to be in the position that he was actually put in. He was ghost and worried about himself. He is selfish and that was not fair to you. I'm sorry baby." Ben interjected moving around to give her other hand attention.
Miranda nodded her head, that's exactly how she felt. "I could seriously kick his ass." Ben mumbled and Miranda chuckled.
"Sorry go on honey." Ben encouraged moving to her temple as he began to massage the sides.
"So after walking them around for a while and sitting in interviews. They were asking for Richard, so I asked them to take a break and I went looking for Richard. Richard told me that he was going to help Schmitt.
"So he's back?" Ben questioned.
"Hopefully after today but not initially. His mother fell down a flight of stairs and Richard talked him through saving her and bringing her into the hospital and then he told me that Meredith was taking the full time job in Minnesota."
"What!?" Ben gasped shocked.
"Exactly."
"And she wasn't going to tell you." Ben huffed upset.
"She claims that it wasn't decided but I didn't listen to her because it seemed like everyone knew but me, so I snapped on her Ben. I threw her past into her face and as I'm yelling. I began to feel like my chest was caving in and I couldn't breath. I almost fell over, I was dizzy and lethargic. I-
"Miranda." Ben warned getting more worked up.
"I know, I know. They paged cardio and ran test but I'm fine-
"You're not fine. You had a panic attack. It's the bodies response to stress. You have to take it easy. Either you sit down or your body will do it for you." Ben chastised.
"I don't need to be lectured Ben. I've been through enough today." Miranda whined.
Ben blew out a breath and decided to leave it alone for now. He grabbed Miranda's wash cloth and soap and began to clean her body, starting at her back.
"Anyway. I was breaking down mentally and I went out side for some air and I kept having flashing backs of the beginning of where I started and this institution can't end. This can't be the end of this residency program…. After a while I pulled it together and walked inside and went to speak to the members of the advisory board and they gave us so many compliments and realized that it wasn't our teaching ability.
"Okay that's great."
"How ever." Miranda interrupted.
"They are putting us on probation and will give me a few weeks to fix my physician shortage before shutting us down." Miranda blew out a breath.
"Well how the hell can you do that in a few dam weeks." Ben argued.
"Exactly." Miranda huffed right along with him.
"Up." Ben instructed and Miranda stood up with his help as he washed her thighs and legs. He rinsed the washcloth before wiping between her legs and Miranda gasped when his hand brushed pass her clit.
"What?" Ben questioned.
"Now why would you touch right there like that."
"Like what? I washed normally how I do when I have the pleasure of washing you up." Ben questioned and then he looked up at her harden nipples and smiled.
"It's okay if you want me Miranda. I'll happily take your stress away."
"Benjamin....that won't solve anything. I want to fix this problem." Miranda huffed but actually contemplated on taking him up on his offer.
Ben rinsed the wash cloth once more and added more soap as he washed the front portion of her body. He let the water drain and added fresh water before telling her to sit once again. Ben walked to the edge of the tub and he grabbed her feet and began to wash them.
He looked up as he heard Miranda sniffling once more. "Babe it's going to be okay." Ben started.
"We really don't know if it is." Miranda cried.
Ben let the water out once again and took the handle to the attached shower head and rinsed her off before grabbing a towel.
Miranda wrapped it around her body and he helped her out of the tub. Walking with her into their bed room. Ben grabbed the lotion and he began to dry her body off before opening the towel fully. Ben looked down at her naked body and he licked his lips. He snapped his head up when Miranda kicked his leg.
"I'm in distress and you're looking at me like you're holding a playboy magazine."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't help it." Ben replied as he took the lotion and began to lotion her body down. After he was finish he brought her a night gown to slide on and he then grabbed her feet and started to massage them.
"Mmm." Miranda moaned at the feel.
"You are going to figure this out Miranda. The program won't be shut down. I'll think of something." Ben stated. "What if I come teach and you put me on rotation to do surgeries. To help with the physician shortage" Ben suggested.
"You would do that?, you have a job Ben."
"I can take some time off for a while to help. To give you some kind of breathing room ad least until the program is off probation. "
"And you want to teacher Dr. Wright?" Miranda questioned with amusement.
"Oh he can't be on any of my cases. I won't teach him."
"Ben." Miranda laughed loudly.
"Do you think I want to stand beside a man and show him techniques and he kissed my wife. Knowing that she was my wife. He knew that you were my wife. What did he think was going to happen. You were going to start an affair with him. Like what was his idea. Matter of fact yeah. I'll definitely come because I have a few questions."
"You will do no such thing." Miranda laughed. "Come up here." Miranda ushered him and Ben let go of her feet and crawled on the bed. Leaning down to kiss her lips. Miranda kissed him back passionately.
"I love you so much. You always make me better and forget about everything else." Miranda professed.
"I love you too. You are my solace." Ben replied.
The two got up under the covers and Miranda laid on his chest. "I want a vacation. Like a good vacation. Can we please go to Paris." Miranda asked.
"Of course. When ever you are ready."
"Once I fix this mess at the hospital. Then we can go." Miranda spoke softly.
"Good we are blocking out a whole two weeks because I want to go to Italy."
"I'm down with that, maybe Pru's grandparents can keep her and then get the nanny to help until we get back." Miranda suggested while yawning.
"I'm sure they will." Ben responded.
"Goodnight Benjamin."
"Goodnight Miranda." Ben replied rubbing her thigh soothingly.
Miranda rolled over in bed and she stretched yawning. She honestly could roll over and go back to sleep. She slept so hard last night thanks to Ben. She wanted to relax some more and the only way to really and truly do that would be to go to sleep.
If she was up her mind would swarm with thought and Ideas. She was a fixer so she had to fix this mess.
Miranda looked over at the time and saw that it was 11am and she gasped. "Ben Warren." Miranda called out and she looked up as Ben came into the room with a tray of food.
"Good morning love."
"Good morning honey but why didn't you wake me up. I'm really late for work." Miranda asked as Ben sat the food down and he kissed her on the lips before speaking. "I called out for you and myself and I asked Hunt to be chief again until tomorrow. I already dropped Pru off at day care at 8 and then I came back and made us breakfast.
"Ughhh what would I do with out you." Miranda mused grateful for him. "But don't you think I should go to work. I have to figure out what I can do."
"One day off Miranda won't hurt you. You are stressed and it's not good. You are on the path to another heart attack and I can't loose you. " Ben retorted.
"You're not going to loose me." Miranda replied quickly.
"I think you should consider giving up chief."
"Excuse me?" Miranda gasped.
"Baby I want you to be happy and stress free. You just told me last week that you were so happy because you were able to be a surgeon again because Hunt took that responsibility for the day."
"Just because its challenging and stressful doesn’t mean I’m throwing in the towel. I’ve dream about this my whole career. You were there. You talked me in to it. Don't quit, don’t roll over, in the middle of the race. That was you. I need that same man from almost 9 years ago to be encouraging now and even if I'm not chief and they were talking about shutting the program down. It would still take a toll on me because I care. This is my hospital and has been since I was 27 years old. Almost 25 years of my life was dedicated to this hospital. It made me into who I was and shaped what I am. I have a beautiful marriage and growing family because of that hospital." Miranda argued.
"I know that Miranda, I'm just looking out for you. You need to cut back on something and that's up for you to decide on what it is." Ben stated. "It just bothers that this is all Richard's fault and it's his stupid ass method, the same method that Eliza Minnick was trying to teach us and now he's glorifying it and trying to make it better but ultimately made it worse and then it left you with all the repercussions."
"You know what?! I never put together that this was Minnick's method. He talk like this was a brand new teaching idea but it was done before minus the little tweak of no surgeon being present, which I always thought was dumb in the beginning." Miranda huffed reaching for her fork.
Ben and her continued to eat, talking and Ben was making her laugh so much.
After there breakfast was finish Miranda put her fork down on the tray and she watched as Ben grabbed the tray and took it to the kitchen.
Miranda then pulled the covers back and took her night gown off, laying back on the bed flat on her back.
Ben foot steps halted when he reached the threshold of their bedroom.
"Miranda." Ben voiced looking across her naked body.
"Benjamin." Miranda responded with the same intensity. "I want you to put me back to sleep." She told him licking her lips.
Ben nodded pulling his shirt off and walking over to their bed. He leaned over Miranda and kissed her lips. Miranda took one hand and cupped his face and she took her right leg and threw it around his waist.
"When my husband slides in, tension an anxiety flows out." Miranda mocked his voice from last night causing Ben to laugh loudly as he reached to push his pajama pants down.
