Dream team one shots

Panic; Sapnap

IRL
SAPNAP
TW; flashbacks of abuse and sa, panic attack
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Your boyfriend had joined you on the couch where you were watching one of your favorite old tv shows, SpongeBob, it was your comfort show that you had watched on bad days. For some reason today was difficult for you, it was hard getting out of bed, showering, eating. You laid on the couch in some comfy sweatpants and one of Sapnaps hoodies, it was extra soft on the inside.

"Hey, cutie." He said to you as he gently lifted your legs onto his lap and placed his hands on your thigh and lower leg. For some reason it send chills down your spine, and not the good kind. To be honest with yourself, last night you had a nightmare about your ex boyfriend, about everything he put you through. You chose not to tell Sapnap because he would worry about you the whole day.

"Hey." You said quietly and shifted on the couch, trying to get away from his touch because flashbacks kept flooding your mind. You weren't sure what triggered it, could it have been the song you heard yesterday? Or maybe because the cashier at the grocery store smelled like your ex? Could it be because the girl at the café had her nails painted your exs favorite color? Whatever it was it wasn't going away.

The sun began going down as you watched the sunset turn into the night sky out your living room window, it was a beautiful sight, but not even that could distract you from your thoughts. Sapnap began rubbing your thigh softly, he usually did this when he wanted 'sexy time', you've picked up on that over the past year of your guys' relationship.

"Can I have a kiss?" He asked sweetly. You granted his wishes and sat up and connecting your lips to his. In one swift motion he pulled you onto his lap and smiled into the kiss. He squeezed your thigh and your eyes squinted shut tightly. Why won't this feeling go away? You thought to yourself, you tried pushing it out of your mind. Sapnap would never do that to you, he respected you and your boundaries all the time.

Sapnap hungrily deepened the kiss and shifted so you were now laying on your back and he was between your legs, pushing some of his weight into you.

*flashback*
You pushed at your boyfriends hands, begging him to stop, only to be met with a firm hand across your face and he then grabbed your jaw, making you look at him.

"You do not say no to me." His voice was deep, it scared the shit out of you. His hands unbuttoned your pants and tears slid down your cheeks, you tried holding in your cries.
*flashback over*

Sapnaps hand was on your thigh and you hovered yours over his. Stop, please stop. The thoughts invaded your mind. Please get off me! You tried pulling yourself into reality, this wasn't your ex, this was Sapnap. If Sapnap could hear your thoughts right now he would get off you in a heartbeat, he wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. Not in a millions years.

Your breathing became uneasy, you felt like all the oxygen had been pulled out of your chest and you suddenly forgot where you were. The panic set in and you pulled your lips away from Sapnaps, you began pushing him off you.

"Get off! Get off! Get off!" You screamed, there was nothing you could do now, you were having a full blown panic attack and Sapnap had no idea why. You had only briefly told him about your ex boyfriend, he knew bits and pieces but not the absolutely horrible things. "Get off me, (your exs name)!"

And then it clicked, Sapnap pushed his body off you in seconds, his jaw clenched. In no way was he mad at you, he was mad at your ex. Your body was shaking and you curled into a ball, begging for distance between the two of you, tears streamed down your face as you pleaded for oxygen, only to be given none.

Sapnap sat on the floor in front of the couch, he knew he needed to distance himself from you for your comfort and feeling of security. Your mind still raced, it flooded of all the things in your past.

The non consensual hands on your body, the smacks, the punches. The holes in the wall and the bloody knuckles. Sapnap reached for your hand but you flinched away from him, still sobbing to yourself as your body shook.

"Don't touch me!" You yelled harshly, it was a voice he didn't recognize, he had never heard you sound so scared and angry before. You had only had one panic attack in front of Sapnap before, it was at a convention where you got overwhelmed with the amount of people, he knew you needed to be grounded to reality.

With your face shoved into a pillow and body still trembling, he reached for your hand again, this time you didn't notice because your mind was taking over your reality. He slowly and gently brought your hand to his face, placing it on his cheek.

"Baby, it's Sapnap, I'm right here. You're in Texas at your home with me, Sapnap." He tried his best to say his name multiple times so you knew it was him and not your ex.

Your body began fighting your brain, you were stuck somewhere in between, it was like your body knew where you were but your mind didn't. Once you realized what Sapnap was doing you quickly pulled your other hand out from under the pillow and without looking reached for his in a panic. He realized it was working so he grabbed it and placed it on the other side of his face.

"I'm right here, it's Sapnap. You're at your home in Texas, it's a Tuesday night and you're wearing your favorite sweatpants and one of my hoodies." He repeated again, it was working. You began to take slow and shaky breaths. You needed to be closer to him, now. You turned your head to attempt to look around and your eyes connected with your boyfriends. Your hair was sticking to your face because of your tears, your face was beat red from crying so hard.

You pulled yourself into his lap on the floor and he tightly wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back for comfort.

"Sapnap?" You asked, still slightly crying, your breathing was starting to slow to its normal pace.

"I'm right here." He said as he began rocking side to side in slow motions. You quickly darted your eyes to look at your surroundings. On the wall hung a picture of you and Sapnap that your mother had took of you two last year on Christmas. You were now grounded to reality.

"I'm at home in Texas, it's a Tuesday night." You repeated back to him, a tear fell from his eye onto his cheek. He didn't even want to begin to think of what your ex could have done to cause your mind to fight you like this. But he would never push you to speak about it, only when you were ready and wanted to.

"That's right.." He said softly and you pulled your head out of his chest to look at him.

Sapnap pushed the hair out of your face and cupped your cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." You said to him quietly.

"Don't ever be sorry, I'm here for you no matter what, I'll always be here." He said to you and kissed your forehead.

An hour had gone by and you two were in the same position, except now you were asleep in his arms. He knew how exhausting it could be to have a panic attack so he slowly stood up, holding you tightly in his arms as not to drop you and made his way to your shared bedroom. He gently laid you down and crawled into bed next to you. Your body shifted and he became worried for a moment, the feeling soon went away when you cuddled closer to him.

"I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again." He promised to you, even though you were asleep.
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I wrote this based off actual experience, my boyfriend (now ex) did exactly what Sapnap did in the story. I felt the need to write this because flashbacks and panic attacks like this really do happen and is so difficult to deal with and if anyone is struggling and wants to talk feel free to message me at any time<3