Bad for You (GU #1)

fifty-eight

Fifty-Eight: This Feeling

I was speechless. Parang panandalian ding tumigil ang mundo ko. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay hindi na tumigil pa ang puso ko sa mabilis na pagtibok nito habang paulit-ulit sa isipan ko ang sinabi ni Slade. I did hear it right, didn't I? Iyon talaga ang sinabi niya. Na hindi ako mahirap mahalin. But what did he mean by that? Iyon na ba ang paraan niya para sabihin na...

No. Hindi ako pwedeng mag-assume. Slade could be like talking in general and not for himself. But I don't know, there was just something in the way he looked at me that made me feel it was for him.

But I wouldn't know that if I would just keep silent.

Tatanungin ko na dapat siya kung hindi niya lang ako naunahang magsalita, "It's already late. Alam ko napagod ka pa kanina so I think it's time for me to go and let you have some rest." Tuloy-tuloy niyang sinabi at hindi na ako nakasingit pa. I was not even saying yes when he leaned in and pressed a kiss on my forehead. "I'll just tell you tomorrow kung makakasabay ako pagpasok sa school. Baka kasi hindi agad ako paalisin nina Mom. I want to tag you along but I know there's a posibility you'll be late in school so..."

"It's okay," nakangiti kong sagot. "Just tell your parents to have a safe trip for me."

Ngumiti pa si Slade, nilapatan pa ko ulit ng halik sa ulo, sa ilong, at sa labi, nag-good night at saka tuluyan nang lumabas ng unit ko. Pinakawalan ko naman ang malalim na hiningang kanina pa gustong kumawala. He dodged the topic. He avoided it, instantly. At sa ginawa niyang 'yun, anuman ang iniisip ko kanina ay unti-unti nang naglaho. I guessed I would only believe that if I'll hear those words straight from his mouth.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Ever since that night, we hadn't talked about what Slade had said. We just went on with our normal routine. At habang tumatagal, mas lalo lang akong nahihirapan na itago ang nararamdaman para sa kanya. But he seemed oblivious with it. Kahit pa maraming beses alam kong nahuhuli na lang niya kong nakatulala sa kanya o hindi naman kaya ay mas ginugusto ko na siyang makita at makasama.

I didn't want to act like a clingy girlfriend but many times, I caught myself doing it. Siguro kasi, wala naman akong pinanghahawakan galing kay Slade. Just his promises. Alam ko tutuparin niya ang mga iyon pero...ewan ko ba, naghahanap pa rin ako ng iba.

Maybe, it was my side of me waiting for him to reciprocate what I feel for him. For him to tell it to me in words and not in vague actions. Dahil kahit pa may pagkakataon na pakiramdam ko ay parang iisa lang ang nararamdaman naming dalawa, hangga't hindi ko iyon naririnig mula kay Slade, alam kong maaari pa ring magkamali ako.

Natigil ang pag-iisip ko nang marinig ang alarm clock. In-alarm ko yan para makapagprepare para sa birthday party ni Hanzel na gaganapin mamaya. I already bought my gift for him yesterday with the help of Slade. Found out the child was fond of SpongeBob so I got the first thing I saw with his fave cartoon character in it and bought it. Gan'un kadali.

Tumayo na ako sa kama at dumiretso sa closet. Kagabi ko pa nakita 'yung isusuot ko para ngayon. May theme kasi ang party ni Hanzel. All of the guests were required to wear something to represent a cartoon character. And since I'm a disney fan, I chose Mickey Mouse. Bumili ako ng head band na parang nakakabit 'yung dalawang tenga ni Mickey; at buti na lang may damit na akong pwedeng gamitin. It was just red and black anyway. Plus I already had a yellow sneakers to complete the outfit.

I was done with the clothes and just putting my sneakers on when I heard the ring of the doorbell. Nandyan na si Slade. Tinali ko lang yung sintas ng parehong pares ng sapatos saka naglakad palapit ng pinto. I unlocked the door and pulled it open and came into a halt abruptly. Okay. What on earth...