Bad for You (GU #1)

thirty-nine

Thirty-Nine: Not The Right Words

Hindi na ako kinausap pa ni Miles buhat nang mangyari ang sa cafeteria. I even barely saw him throw me a glance when we were in classroom. At lahat ng iyon ay napansin ng mga kaklase namin pero wala ni isa mang nagtanong. Pwedeng nahihiya, o wala silang pakialam. O baka naman nakarating na rin sa kanila ang kumalat na balita sa Gainesville simula nang araw na iyon.

And that was no other than we—Slade and I—were together now. Posible. Lalo pa't karamihan sa kanila lalo na ang grupo ni Alfred ay pinapaulanan ako ng masasamang tingin. I shrugged. They could think what they want. Lalo pa't ang alam lang nila ay kung anong nakikita nila. 'Yun ay kung paano ko pinaasa si Miles. Pinaasa. Inulit ko iyon sa isipan. I, personally, didn't think I did that to Miles. Maybe, it was my fault not telling him about Slade but how could I possibly tell him about that? I didn't even think Slade and I would make it to this point. And it just happened too fast. At isa pa, hindi naman ako nagkulang na magpaalala sa kanya na walang patutunguhan ang ginagawa niya. But I said sorry to him. Yes. I did.

The day after our confrontation, I sent Miles a message. A long one. I told him I was sorry. I was sorry for making him feel that I led him on. I clarified things about Slade, too. And lastly, I told him he was a nice guy and he deserved really better girl than me. I wasn't good at apologizing. Kaya hindi ko alam kung nakatulong ba ang mensaheng yun o mas lalo pang nakasama sa sitwasyon namin ni Miles. Pero sa mga inakto niya nitong buong linggo, mukhang yung pangalawa ang sagot.

With Miles being out of the picture, I appreciated Kimberly's presence more. She didn't even ask about me and Slade though I knew that she was dying to know about it. Hanggang sa ako na mismo ang nag-open up tungkol dito, pati na rin sa nangyari sa amin ni Miles. She listened. At nang marinig niya na ang buong kwento mula sa pagtatapat ni Miles, kasunod ng kay Slade, at sa mga iba pang nangyari pagkatapos n'un, pareho lang din ng sa akin ang tingin niya sa nangyari. She assured me it wasn't my fault. At doon na siya nagsimulang mang-asar.

"So, what happened to Slade being a complete douche?" tukso niya sa akin pagkatapos ibaba ang iniinom niyang shake. Nandito naman kami sa usual spot sa cafeteria.

Bumalik ang isip ko tanong ni Kimberly at napailing. Yun ang mga salitang binitawan ko noong unang araw ko dito sa Gainesville. And this girl got some pretty clear memory. Naalala niya pa yun.

"Well," I shrugged, "turned out he's not as complete douche as I thought he was."

Natawa siya doon. "I knew it!" sabi niya. "I already knew that sooner or later you'd be charmed by Slade. Wala atang sinuman ang nakakatakas sa kamandag niya."

Napailing lang akong muli doon. Yes. Wala nga. Kaya nga ang daming kompetensya. No, there's no competition anymore. You already won, CN. Sigaw ng dulong bahagi ng utak ko. And I wanted to believe that. But there was something deep inside me that couldn't loosen up. Parang may iba at hindi ko mapagtanto kung ano iyon. I just shook that thought away and focused on my drink.

Nagtagal pa kami ni Kimberly sa cafeteria hanggang sa mag-quarter to one na ay nagpaalam na kami sa isa't isa. Nagsimula ng maging mabigat ang paghakbang ko papuntang elevator. Biyernes ngayon. That also meant I have my History class today. Slade would be there in our classroom and I didn't know what to expect.

Since Monday happened, Slade and I agreed not to just have lunch together. He'd go with his usual lunch buddy, Drew, some friend I hadn't meet yet and I'd go with Kimberly. I proposed that not because I didn't want to be seen with him. Pero, alam ko lang na pagsisimulan lang yun ng usapan. Lalo pa't hindi ko pa naayos yung tungkol sa amin ni Miles. Just not to complicate things more then why not go through with our old lunch set-up?