Back at the Manor

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My head hurts. My heart feels heavy. I cant cry. I cant breathe. I don't feel anything.
I try to open my mouth to ask questions but my throat is dry, like all the salvia has been sucked out and swallowing is impossible.
"Sirius told me. I'm so sorry", Harry says, squeezing my hand tightly. Somewhere in between the news, Hermione and Ron have positioned themselves on either side of me and are holding me upright.
"The ministry are actively seeking out death eaters and trying to round them up", Harry says gently.
"Your father was caught. Sirius assumes your mother has fled but he's not sure. He wants to talk to you as soon as possible", He explains.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to prevent me from crying.
"Are you sure?", I say. It's a stupid question and i'm not sure why i even bother to ask. I guess there's still a part of me that doesn't want to believe the truth, that my Mother and Father are not the good, heroic people i admired when i was younger.
"Yes. I'm sure.", Harry says, sympathy ringing in his voice which makes me feel ill.
"It's going to be okay", Hermione says.
"We're here for you, no matter what happens", Ron smiles sadly.
"Thank you for telling me", I say standing up.
"Where are you going?", Harry asks.
"I just want to be alone for a while.", I say.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?". Hermione asks.
"I'm fine.", I lie.
"Come back later okay?", Ron insists.
"I will. Talk later.", I say, leaving hurriedly.

I go back to the carriage where Draco is.
I look in through the door and see him sleeping, his head propped up against the window.
He looks so peaceful, perhaps the most peaceful i've ever seen him.
I open the door as quietly as possible but his eyes flicker open as soon as i enter the carriage.
"Hello", He smiles sleepily and sits up, yawning.
He notices the expression on my face and suddenly becomes very awake.
"(Y/N), what's wrong?", He asks.
I sit down across from him.
"My father...he's in Azkaban", I say, my voice cracking.
He looks at me and his face falls. Immediately, my walls are broken down and i start to cry, silently at first with tears streaming delicately down my face, until i'm sobbing loudly, not caring how i look or how i sound.
Draco holds me in his arms as i cry, he doesn't say much, but he strokes my hair and occasionally whispers, "it's okay", and that calms me down enough to the point where i can begin to explain.
I tell him how Harry got the news of Sirius, and i explain what happened. He listens and doesn't interrupt until i finish talking.
"Whatever comes, well face it together okay?", He says, his voice like a symphony, any anxiety in my body slowly drifting away.
I nod and he hugs me once more, kissing my forehead and promising me it will all be fine. He makes it sound so believable, though i know it will not be as easy as he makes it seem. The worst is yet to come for us.

                                        *******
The manor, is as i remember it. Cold and empty, but somehow comforting. Draco seems more at ease then he ever has here and i assume that's down to the fact his parents are gone.
We both unpack our stuff into the rooms we will be staying in. I'm staying in my usual guest room, which is as magnificent as ever. I look around and memories from an easier time flood back to me. This room is filled with innocence and i seem to be the only contrasting factor.
Draco knocks on the door and I shout for him to come in.
"You all done?", He asks.
"Yep. I missed this room", I smile.
He grins as he walks in. "You feeling okay?".
"Im doing a bit better.", I say, truthfully. I feel refreshed after crying.
"Do you mean that or are you just trying to get me to go away?", He smirks.
I laugh, "Would i lie to you Draco?".
"I don't know, would you?", He teases.
"Never. Not possible".
"Why's that?".
I think for a minute.
"No point. You always know what i'm thinking anyways.". This is true. I sometimes think he knows me better then i know myself which scares me at times.
His eyes soften slightly and he stares at me. "I wish that were true".
"It is! Guess what i'm thinking about right now", I say.
"That's silly".
"Shut up. Come on, guess.", I insist.
He stares at me for a while, his face stern and focused. I feel a sudden shiver down my spine and the hairs start dancing on the back of my neck.
"You're thinking about...your dad", He says quietly.
He gulps, "You're worried about it, almost sympathetic but there's also anger...", He says.
My eyes widen as i listen intently. "There's a part of you that's...that's happy about it. You feel he deserves it and i think you want to see him suffer even if you don't know it yet. This makes you feel even worse because of the guilt. He's still your father at the end of the day. It's hard to forget that. Believe me i know".
Silence.
I think about what he's just said, amazed at his painful accuracy. I am upset, but there's also a feeling of relief, knowing that he can't do any more harm. Despite this, i feel like something has broken inside of me, it feels like someone has died. And in a way, someone has. My father is gone and now there is just some shell of a man in his place. The father i knew may not have ever existed but it was so real to me.
"I told you you could read my mind.", I smile weakly.
"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to upset you", Draco says, placing his hand on my shoulder, gently.
"I was already upset, you've done nothing wrong i promise".
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, "You don't deserve any of this. I need you to know that. This will all be okay one day , i promise.".
I shrug, "As long as I have you by my side, i know i'll be okay".
He looks at me for a moment and his gaze softens.
"Always.".

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