The Angels Crows

42- Again And Again

Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton

I was still laying with my back towards him. I forgave him, I always did, but I still laid with my back towards him. He fucked up. Again. Not that it was something new. He always managed to fuck up in one way or another, and this time I wasn't letting him pass that easy.

He'd always managed to talk me out of my furry. Even when he fucking raped me, I forgave him. For what? For him just to fuck me over again like this time and time again?

Fuck no, I wasn't taking this anymore.

Issue is, I'm terrible at being mad. I know it sounds weird cause I've literally been diagnosed with anger issues, but that's not the same. When I'm mad like that, I hit and fight and say hurtful things. And then it'll pass in a few minutes. I'm terrible ar being mad and staying mad.

You know, the typical teenage-girls-when-their-boyfriend-goes-to-bed-without-texting-them-goodnight-and-they-ignore-them-for-a-full-week-mad. Yeah, I don't get how they do that.

Honestly, I could've just made him sleep on the couch. He would've done it if I asked him to. But I would've never asked him to, and that was my problem.

And as his hand sneak to rest around my stomach in his sleeping state, I didn't move it. I let it be there. I didn't snuggle into him like I used to, but I didn't move either.

I guess that kind of makes me part of the problem. How could I expect it to get any better when I didn't make it any better myself? It's like yelling at your dog for peeing inside, but never teach it not to.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I just laid there beside him, and thought. It wasn't till the early hours of morning that my eyelids became heavy, and fell down to cover my eyes.

It felt like only seconds had passed by the time I was awoken by soft kisses on my neck. I groaned, but still tilted my head to the side for better access.

The kisses became more intense and it took me some time in my half-asleep-half-awake state to remember that I wasn't giving in to him. I was setting my foot down and teaching him to not pee inside.

Okay, that sounded weird, but you get my point.

I pulled away from him, and rolled to the very edge of the bed. Then I sat up with my back still towards him.

I heard the covers shuffle and felt the bed shift as his body moved closer to me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He took my hand in his, but I pulled it out of his hold.

"Don't."

I heard more shuffling before he joined me on the edge of the bed. I was still too stubborn to look at him, and stared a hole into the boring, grey coloured wall.

"Have I done anything wrong?"

I couldn't help but scoff at that.

Have I done anything wrong?