Career Driven Woman

Chapter 38

To say I was an emotional wreck was an understatement. Carlos had fallen asleep next to me, but I however was wide awake. I couldn't help but stress about how indecisive I was being. I wanted to be with Carlos but I didn't want the long distance in case he got weird again.

I wanted to ravage him tonight but I don't want to date him? What is wrong with me. We are supposed to be friends yet here he is passed out in my hotel room on my bed. After spending an hour staring at the ceiling over thinking I decided to call Lottie. She would know what to do.

I checked the time. It was currently 4pm Brisbane time, 1am London time. I immediately clicked on her messenger profile and listened for the dial tone. I quietly shuffled out of bed and headed outside on the balcony shutting the door behind me. The cold London air hitting me straight in the face like a slap of reality.

"Saffy? What are you doing? Isn't it like 12am there?" She answered concerned.

"I couldn't sleep"

"Why's that?"

"I went out with Carlos tonight"

"Oh my"

"And he's in my bed now"

"Oh my g-"

"And we almost slept together" I said scrunching up my face. My hand smooshing my face in the process.

"Oh Saf" Lottie said in what sounded like a disappointed tone "what happened".

I explained the whole situation and Lottie was silent the whole time occasionally making some noises.

"Well. Have I fucked up enough do you reckon?"

"I mean he's still hanging around you so that's a good sign you're not a total train wreck"

"I just don't know what to do or what I want"

"I think you do know what you want Saf. You just don't want to admit it"

"Oh god. I just feel terrible. First I say I'm mad then I say I'm not then I say I don't want him and the. I say I do. I say I want to be friends and then we almost fuck. I don't know Lottie" I said tears welling in my eyes.

"I think you need to just take it slow. It's obvious you want to be with him" she said sympathetically.

"Lottie do you think I'm stupid"

"No Saf of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Are you disappointed in me?"

She scoffed "Saffron you idiot of course not. You're just overwhelmed and tired and emotional and I think you need a deep breath and a sleep"

"Thank you for being my friend" I said between sniffles.

"Thank you Saf. You don't know how much you mean to me. I mean that".

I smiled.

"Now go and get some sleep. Go cuddle into that Spanish hottie" she said laughing.

We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I crossed my arms and looked out into the London streets. It was quiet but of course there was the usual traffic and noises. I tried to re-compose myself and took a few minutes to take a few breaths. As I closed my eyes to take in one more breath I was startled by the balcony door opening. Carlos came out squinting, his jumper in hand.

"Saff" he whispered "what are you doing out here it's one in the morning". He came toward me and draped his jumper over my shoulders. "You must be freezing Amore".

I stared at him and wiped my nose with my hand.

"Saff what's going on are you okay?"

"Oh Carlos" I said before tears started streaming down my face "I'm so sorry"

"For what?" He said eyes widening and immediately dropping to his knees in front of me.

"For leading you on. I feel like one minute I'm saying no the next yes. I just can't make up my mind and I can't imagine the toll my moods are having on you" I said in between sniffles.

"Oh Saff I don't blame you. I too would be in how you say, mixed emotions if I was in your position".

"Really?" I asked looking down into him.

"Of course. Like you said you just want to take it slow so let's do that. We go at your pace"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course" he said taking my hands "Saffron all I want is you and if that means that we just slow down then I'll do it. I want you Saff, no one else. Just you".

I burst into tears at this thought and Carlos wrapped me up in a hug.

"So what does this mean?" I asked looking down at my fingers.

"You tell me when you're ready and I'll give you what you want" he said squeezing my hands. "But for now can we go inside it's freezing".

I nodded and followed him inside.

_ _ _

I woke up to my alarm the next morning. I turned it off groaning and rolling over not realising that there was not enough bed there and swiftly falling on the ground.

"Fuck" I whispered under my breath "god" I said crawling around on the ground feeling disorientated.

I eventually got up and wandered over to the bathroom rubbing my head that was definitely going to have a bruise on it. I rubbed my eyes and closed the bathroom door. I wandered over to the loo and pulled my underwear down sitting on the loo. As I looked around my eyes darted to the red stain adorning my underwear.

"Well this explains a lot" I mumbled under my breath starting at my underwear.

I quickly finished and threw my underwear in the shower. I used a bit of toilet paper to blot away what I could before washing my hands. I slowly opened the bathroom door peeking into the room seeing Carlos still sound asleep. I tip toed over to my suitcase and grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and a pad darting quietly back to the bathroom. I closed the door and quickly undressed.

I turned the water on and desperately tried to wash my underwear underneath the water before ringing them out and hanging them up on the shower screen. I then relaxed and showered getting the morning off my body.

I eventually finished up and dried off quickly putting on my underwear adorning now a lovely little pad thick enough to be a nappy. I huffed before pulling on a dress and wandering back out to the bedroom.

"You shower without me?" Carlos asked rolling over in bed to turn toward me.

I giggled "I couldn't wait" I wandered over to him "good morning".

"Good morning" he smiled humbly at me before planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

"How did you sleep?" I whispered scanning his face with my eyes.

"Good" he hummed "what about you?"

"Good" I smiled.

We stayed staring at each other for a while before Carlos broke the silence.

"I should probably be getting back to Landos. He's already texted asking if I'm okay" Carlos chuckled pulling the covers off himself.

I smiled and nodded watching him wander over to the bathroom. I grabbed him a towel and he took a shower. I told Carlos that I would be spending the day with Lewis as it was his last day that I would see him tonight. Carlos was sad but obliged. He waited for me to get ready watching me intricately getting dressed, hair and makeup. He was intrigued by everything.

We wandered out of the hotel and I walked Carlos to the basement to get to his car. Well. Landos car that he kindly let Carlos borrow. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before watching him drive off. It's not like he would be gone forever. I would see him tonight.

For now, I had to make the most of my time with Lewis.