Day 418

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Day 418

I stared at myself in the mirror, rerunning Niall and I's conversation through my head for the millionth time.

"It's been a month, Ar! Don't you think it's time for you two to stop this?"

Niall's words echoed through my head as I picked up my hairbrush and yanked it through my tangled hair.

Within a few minutes, I decided it was time, and I finally exited my room, crossing paths with Alex who was on her way into hers.

"Hey, where are you going?" she asked, pausing in her walk.

"Out."

"Not going to be more specific?"

I shrugged, trying to push past her as she reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Arden, where are you going?" she pushed, sounding more concerned than upset.

"To Harry's," I mumbled.

Alex's features suddenly softened and she released my arm. "Oh. You're not going over there to kill him or anything, right?"

I laughed the best I could (which wasn't much). "No, Alex. Just to talk to him."

"Okay. I'll see you later then," she smiled.

I trudged past her and out the door, forcing myself to build up the courage to continue.

Somehow I managed to find myself in the boy's building, walking up the steps towards Harry and Louis' apartment. I could barely even remember how I got there- my mind had been in a haze during the walk over, but I forced myself to start thinking clearly so that I could think logically and rationally once I encountered Harry.

Just as I approached the door, a string of thoughts ran through my head. What if Niall had lied to me? What if Harry didn't actually want to see me and it was just some ploy by Niall to get me to come over and make a fool of myself?

I could feel myself beginning to panic, but I managed to calm my breathing.

Niall wouldn't do that. I cared for Niall and he cared for me. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

As I was reassuring myself, I brought my hand up to the door and knocked twice.

There was no going back now.

The door swung open, revealing a very tired looking Harry. His hair seemed unwashed and was matted down against his head. He had large bags under his eyes- worse than even when he was on tour. Even his clothing seemed tired- a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"Hi Harry," I spoke.

His eyes seemed to drag across my face, as if he had to convince himself that it was really me.

"Arden," he responded in a gruff voice.

"Could we maybe talk?" I asked quietly, unsure of how to approach the situation.

He nodded, swinging the door open wider.

We both sat down on the couch, facing each other. It felt like we'd been in this exact position a million times.

"Harry, I'm tired of all this fighting. I really, truly love you, but I honestly don't think either of us can handle all this fighting anymore."

He inhaled through his nose, taking a deep breath. He gave a slight nod, but didn't move to respond any further.

"I don't know what your stand point on the issue is, but I don't know if I can continue to do this if we don't have the same understanding."

"And that is?" he asked in the same gruff voice. I was beginning to think maybe he had lost his voice.

"You and I are either the real deal, or there's no point."

"So what? Do you want a wedding?" he asked, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Fuck no," I shot back. "I just want us to have an understanding that I'm done with this fighting. The next time we break up, that's it. We're done."

Harry's eyes finally met mine. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he just seemed to stare at me for a few minutes before answering.

"Fine."

"So we're agreed that we're together for the long haul or apart?"

He nodded again. "Yeah, yeah. That'll work."

I could feel that he still had hundreds of feet of walls stacked up between him and I. He had completely shut me out and was still refusing to let me back in.

I let out a sigh, unsure of what was going to happen or how this was going to work.

So I stood up, moving slightly towards the door, praying that Harry would stop me. That he wouldn't let everything we had just wash away.

And he did. He grabbed my arm and yanked- pulling me down onto the couch next to him. I let out a loud gasp in surprise.

Once Harry and I were seated next to each other, his hand was instantly on my face, gently turning it towards him.

"This isn't over, Arden," he whispered. "It'll never be over." His words came out in a breathy whisper, causing my heart to catch and my stomach to erupt in butterflies.

I don't know who moved first, but in an instant, our lips were locked. Locked together, as if symbolizing how we had locked ourselves together.

This was it. This was Harry and I together for the rest of our lives.

Or this was the beginning of the end. The last try at our destined to fail relationship.

I felt my body being lifted from the couch, Harry's arms supporting me.

I didn't care where he was taking me, I didn't care where we were going.

No matter what happened, I was determined that everything would ultimately work itself out.

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