Devil May Cry ✔

68Three Am Confessions

"I can't believe you waited till now to tell me this." he said dryly as I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and swallowed waiting for him to begin his speech about how disgusting this is and what a slut I am to allow a bastard to do this to me. I know this will make me feel like shit but I'm ready to hear it since I know or I try to convince myself is that what happened to me wasn't ny fault.

I was a little confused why Luca was still hugging me though. "I wanted to tell you this so you don't be surprised in the future," I said quietly and moved away from him by standing up. "I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore." As much as it hurt to say it and forced it was,it had to be said. I had to let go if we doesn't want to hold on to me. I looked away because I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want him to sense my weakness right now. I didn't want him to see what a wreck I am not and how my walls are slowly falling down.

"You really think I wouldn't want to be with you because of this?" Luca said making my head snap towards his direction. He stood up and came to me then cupped my face with his hands. "Claire what happened to you is not something to be ashamed of,it's not your fault there are twisted bastards out there who can't control their dicks. Is this why you were too scared to tell me? You thought I would leave you just because you were raped?"

"Yes." I choked on tears.

"Well I won't,I'll never do this. I love you and I want to be with you no matter what happened in your past."

I didn't know what to say,I didn't expect this to be his reaction.

"That's what my ex-boyfriend did when I told him what happened to me. He told me I was a slut and then he packed his things and left," I no longer was able to hold it inside and began to cry. "He left,when he said he wouldn't!"

"I'm not like him,I'll never leave you even if you tried to push me away. I love you and besides what happened to you doesn't make you a slut you didn't ask for it."

"I...I love you too." I finally told him and then began to sob.

"Shh,it's okay. It's gonna be okay,I here beside you." I cried hard while hugging Luca as he strocked my hair,this is what I needed seven years ago when I came back to the apartment after being raped. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that they're beside me. I wanted to be loved and feel safe,at that moment I didn't want to be strong I couldn't be strong I just wanted to let down my walls and cry. Cry for blow,every curse,every thrust. But I didn't get that and now after seven years someone is actually doing this and for the first time in forever this self-hate I felt for so long is slowly fading and I feel like a woman. For the first time in forever I actually let down my wall,fearless because I know that now I have someone who will fight for me.

Maybe that's the true meaning of love,to find someone who you are willing to show all your flaws to and your real face. Someone who you are not afraid to be your fully self and embrace how you are infront of him,a guy who you can surrender your body,your thoughts,your heart,yourself to without thinking twice. Someone you don't hesitate to tell them what you feel or what you think. That's the beauty of love,to face everything and the world on your own at day and in the night let down your walls to weaken infront of one man,the love of you life.

When I calmed down,Luca sat me on the bed and I cuddled against him.

"Who's Adam's father?" he asked out of the blue,I breathed in I have to tell him.

"The rapist. He's Adam's father." I whispered.

"Does Adam no that?"

"Of course not,I told him that his dad died. Better to lie than to tell him what a fucker he was." I answered bitterly.