Devil May Cry ✔

19

I kept falling in and out of consciousness but his eyes were always bringing me back to reality and waking me up with a startle. He can't find me, he doesn't know anything about me all he has seen is my face and there are thousands of people in this town that match my appearance.

I was heading to the kitchen to grab my fourth bottle of wine when the picture on my nightstand stopped me, it was a picture of me and Walter on a beach: he had his arms around me while I kissed his cheek. I brought the frame closer to me and run my thumb on the glass. You fucking bastard.

I was boiling with anger and I wanted so bad to punch him right in the face; I wanted to them get tortured I wanted them to feel my pain. Staring at the picture kept feeding my flames so I threw it outside the room and the glass shattered in the hallway.

I stomped to the living room and smashed everything that came in my way, I threw every frame on the floor and kicked the empty wine bottles. "YOU SAID YOU'LL LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT YOU FUCKER!"

I started throwing the cushions everywhere and flipping the chairs and tables. "YOU SAID YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME! YOU SAID  YOU'LL BE THERE WHEN I NEED YOU! SO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU NOW YOU FUCKING GOLD DIGGER?!"

I swiped everything on the shelves with my arms and smashed the plant pots, I was fuming and I wanted to burn the place down. "WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!" I kept repeating while punching the wall, my knuckles were bleeding and my punches got lighter because of the severe pain. I slid down the wall and broke into tears, still kicking and screaming.

"Where are you now?" I whispered through my tears. My heart was empty but it felt heavy in my chest, breathing seemed tiring and I just wanted to fall into deep sleep. I yearned for some rest but my paranoia was getting the best of me. I hated my life, I hated these men, I hated my parents but most of all I hated myself.

****

Two weeks had passed and I was still in the apartment; drinking, throwing up and then passing out again. I was too broken to move and too afraid to go out, he's out there somewhere and he'll kill me if he recognized me. Why can't I just forget what had happened? 

I needed to get out of here, it's not safe anymore he can be anywhere, he might be on my street looking for me, I needed to leave. California is my own safe exit, it's far and no one knows me there and I will be safer on campus but I need to tell someone in case he found me.

I entered the shower and turned on the hot water, my skin turned bright red because of how hard I was rubbing it but it wasn't clean enough, it will never be clean enough again.

****

Please pick up, please pick up.

"Hello?" she said from the other end.

"Ah hello? Angy?" I said while biting my bottom lip nervously.

"Hey Claire, what's up?"

"Can.... can we meet somewhere and talk?"

"Ah sure, pick a place."

"Do you know the café near my place?"

"Yup, meet you there in fifteen."

"Great bye," I said and quickly hung up.

I shouldn't be dragging her into this, she doesn't deserve getting tangled up in my drama but she was the only one I can trust right now. I peeked through the curtains, the street wasn't too crowded and the café isn't that far, I can do this, I can walk there.

Suddenly, I wasn't able to breathe anymore and my lungs were fighting for oxygen, I fell back and gasped for air as I sat straight up in the tub, my eyes burnt a little when I opened them but a wave of relief passed upon me when I found myself back in the bathroom.

"Claire! Claire! Come on open up! You've been in there for an hour!" Angy's muffled voice yelled. I laid back in the tub and closed my eyes, trying to relax my tensed muscles.

"You know he didn't mean to hurt you, he just wants to know the truth and you can't keep hiding it forever," she continued to say.

"But I'm trying to protect him," I thought. I licked my lips and closed my eyes again. I just don't want him to hurt Nathan,the way he did to me.

"You didn't expect this and I know you're still hurting and might not get over what happened but what's done is done and we can't change the past. You have such a great relationship with your son so don't ruin it, don't let this get in between you guys."

I hugged my knees and cried she was right, I have to talk with Nathan about this.

I heard Angy sigh, she must be tired of my shit and I don't blame her but I can't do anything about it.

"I'm in my room if you need anything." 

You're always there Angy and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.