LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Rainbow Of Gays

By Jay Cranklertho

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Right, I'm doing this alright, Hi. I'm Jay, uh and I guess this is my story.

I guess I started to question my sexuality when I started having friends who were part of the rainbow of gays. My friend, let's say X came out as bisexual. This was no surprise and our friend group supported her. She was still our friend regardless of her sexuality. Heck we shipped so many homosexual relationships it was exciting to learn she was not straight. So X remained our good friend. She made just as many sexual jokes and references as ever.

It was at about this time I began questioning myself. I asked myself, "Am I gay?" (We lacked the use of the term lesbian just because we simply were used to saying gay.) But I questioned myself at times. You know like when I asked myself I would glance at another girl and shake my head. None had really seemed attractive and I'd a crush on a guy before, so I assumed straight. Ya know?

Well later I moved, and I had a small crush on my best friend, but it was kept a secret. I didn't want to loose him. He was there for me after a rough move, he taught me to deal with the much more hostile people. We were best friends. And it stayed like that.

Then I moved back home, and it was a little before the move I had researched within sexuality because I was unsure and had to learn more. I came to terms that I was pansexual, simply to the fact that I felt I could date guy, girl, both, heck if they sexually identified as a toaster I wouldn't mind, it was their actual personality in which I fell in love with.

When I settled into school I fell into a depressing stage of life. I missed my old friends, but had my previous ones back from before I moved, and became overwhelmed with stress, and I broke down one day. I had a panic attack and sat on the floor in my empty room (still unpacking) and cried. I was completely broken down and emotionally drained. And eventually a thought passed my mind. (Original best friend = Y) Y is the only one who would give me a hug without asking why. Y is the only one who you lay here with me and not ask a question as to why. Y would hug me and not bother to ask why until I felt better because Y wants me to be happy. And I was suddenly struck with the thought, I liked Y. I loved everything about Y. I loved her smiled and her eyes, her laugh and all her little flaws. To me, she was amazing.

The next day I talked to my friend, X, if you can remember from like 2 minutes ago. X recently came out as complete Lesbian. So X and I talked, and she freaked out in happiness, she wanted us to date. But I talked to her and she told me a secret. Y told X that she liked me. She told me to ask out Y, and I didn't believe X at first. There was no way Y liked me in my mind. But regardless after X gave me a deep pep talk, I got roses and went to school a few days later.

I ran to the band room, (I have this period with both X and Y, We're all Trombone players[The Trombombanable trio]) ahead of almost everyone and stood next to the door with roses behind my back, waiting for Y.

Y arrived with X and hugged me, maybe she did like me, maybe she was just worried that I wasn't walking with her as I did every day, but she hugged me and I handed her the flowers. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said, "I thought I would have to wait till senior year."

All my friends in band squealed and fangirled while we hugged tightly.

I was shaky and still going through a sort of Aftershock I guess.

But that day was September 7, 2016. We're still dating today. Our five month was three days ago, making it February 10th, 2017 as I'm writing this. And we still love each other dearly.

But as a person when it come to gender... I no longer am sure. For quite a while, I've been questioning my own gender. I feel more and more like a guy. And I've come to really dislike my female body. I've cut my hair short and I tend to wear guy clothing. I feel like a guy. I am transgender. Of course, I can't tell anyone this. I know Y is strictly Lesbian, and X doesn't think Trans is a thing it's strange but those are her views.

I've changed my name on the internet mostly to Jay, except for Twitter. I mostly identify as He/Him, but she/her doesn't bother me. I'm just extremely worried about what people will think, but I've come to terms as to who I am. Maybe I will change in the future, but for now, I'm part of the rainbow of gays. Not only in general, but at school we get support. The most popular girl asked if we were still dating and then got happy when we said yes. We've been told we're the goal couple. And I couldn't be happier with the acceptance were getting. There are few of my friends who label as straight, so we're a rainbow of gay. I'm proud to be friends with them, and I love them all.

We're the Rainbow Of Gays.