LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

No Label

By daysofgold

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I've known for a long time that I liked both genders​, but I never really thought of myself as bisexual. I wasn't under any pressure at all, but as soon as I realised I wasn't straight I felt as if I had to find a label that fitted me. I spent a long time calling myself bisexual even though I knew it felt wrong. I felt stressed a lot and was really struggling. This added to my anxiety, and I began to feel worse and worse about myself. I would introduce myself as bi to anyone I met online and my closer friends. I was so desperate to fit in and find something to suit me that I kept using that label.

After a while I stopped and tried the label of pansexual. At first I was comfortable with it. Eventually, though, I gave up. It didn't really suit me - I realised that looks and gender did, in fact, have an influence on who I liked.

I had already opened up to a friend and talked to her about how I felt and how confused I was. This was while I was still calling myself bisexual. She had reminded me that it really didn't matter, and that I didn't need to find a label.

Now I had given up on labelling myself, I messaged her. I said that I'd decided I wasn't going to label myself. I said I couldn't find any label that suited me, and I had no idea what sexuality I was.

My friend replied with these words; "Just be satisfied that you can love people and be attracted to people, okay?"

I realised she's right. I'm an individual and I don't need to be labelled. I have the ability to love and one day I'll find someone who loves me back. I've decided I don't need to define myself. As long as I'm happy with who I am, it doesn't matter at all. This is a huge milestone for me because of how long I've felt pressured to label myself, and I've finally accepted that I don't need to.

I hope that (if she reads this) that friend knows who she is, because she's helped me a load more than she might realise.

I want to encourage anyone who is confused or stressed about their sexuality to not worry about it. If you love someone, you love them. Nothing changes that. You don't need to define yourself. I know you might not believe it - I didn't at first - but you only need to feel comfortable with yourself. You don't need a label to do that.