Discovering Myself

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by lgbtq

by lgbtq

By Ali

I am a homosexual female. My first crush was on a girl when I was 8, in 3rd grade. Of course, being an innocent minded 8 year old, I had no idea what a crush, sex, or LGBT+ was. My crushes name was Madalyn. I always loved being around her, and I got jealous when she would talk to boys.

Skip to 2 years later and I discover LGBT+. By that time I had convinced myself that I had a crush on this one boy in 4th grade. I literally just looked at him and told myself that I liked him. I never even thought about kissing him. I just thought he was cute and mislabeled him as a crush. But anyways, when I came across the LGBT community, I began questioning my sexuality. For about a year I labeled myself as heteroflexible, because I could easily picture myself going on a date with a girl.

After labeling myself as heteroflexible, I met another boy. I'm not even kidding when I tell you this, but I was bored in class so I decided to look around the room for a new crush. I literally just looked at him and told myself "I like you now"! How silly of young me!

When I started middle school (6th grade-8th grade where I live), I decided to sign up for the play. There was where I met an 8th grade girl. She was really cute and she liked the same music I do and the same TV shows I did, and she was really nice to me. I always tried to be around her, and I got really sad when she would talk to boys and other girls. In fact, there was this one girl who was in all of my classes that would style her short hair into a tiny adorable ponytail pointing up. But, the thing is, after this year, I would never see her again. It felt terrible, and I tried not to think about it.

About a few months later, I finally admitted to myself that I had a crush on her. At the time, I thought I was bisexual, still believing in those phony little crushes from 4th and 5th grade.

I was sitting in class and I decided that I would come out to my friend as bi. When I told her, she literally just started spinning in circles and saying "WOAH WOAH WOAH" I was cracking up at her reaction. About a few weeks later, I changed my label to lesbian. I realized that all of those fake crushes on boys were in fact fake and that I had never felt actual attraction to a boy before. I told the girl I was in love with that I was lesbian, but not for her.

The most recent group of people I came out to was my math class. We were talking about the 8th grade formal and I said "I want to wear a suit!" And the girl sitting in front of me (Who was the girl that styled my crushes hair during play practice) asked me "What, are you gay or something?" And I told her that I was, and she would not stop bothering me about it! She asked me stuff like "do you have a crush on me?","what's it like being a lesbian?", and "since when?"

Well, that's my story so far ️‍