LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

First Crush, First Heartbreak

By EmmaLovesCamren

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Well I guess first of all hey guys and I never thought I would share this with anyone apart from my closest friends and family but I want to share this experience in case any of you are going through what I did. So I'm a lesbian, and I have been out fully since I was 14 which is when I experienced my first real super intense crush and I won't say the girls name I'll just refer to her as X. So I'm from Ireland so school works very differently from the USA etc... but anyway in a particular subject I was always with X and it was a new class so for the first month or two we were all getting to know one another and straight away X and I became good friends and we just really got along no at this time I hadn't developed a crush on her yet but I knew I liked her more than any other person. She had a boyfriend at the time, yeah I know how cliché? Having a crush on a girl with a BF. She always talked about him which I didn't mind but after a few months she asked me was it okay to have feelings and have a crush on someone when you're in a relationship? And I just told her that it was okay to find other people attractive but it wasn't okay to have feelings for someone else so that was that I guess. But when I got home the thought of the conversation made my heart skip a beat and made me feel butterflies inside because I thought that I was the person whom she had feelings for. How wrong was I? So awhile after that conversation she finally was willing to tell me who it was, I sat patiently waiting for her to say my name but... she never did. She did say another girls name and my heart sank, I was devastated. Although it annoyed me I wasn't in too deep to be heartbroken YET. So X confronted the other girl about her feelings but the girl didn't feel the same way which I sorta was happy about? X broke up with her bf and I thought that my opportunity was there so we got super close within months.Everything was going well I was out with X and her mates one night along with one of my mates and we were all having a great time. My friend convinced me to tell X about how I felt I hesitated but then I got my friend to go into the shop wih X and tell her. They both came out and it was properly one of the most awkward moments in my life. Nothing was said about it. An hour later we were all hanging around outside and I just walked away to be alone because I was so embarrassed. A few moments later X ran up behind me and slung her arm around my shoulders walking along side with me as we discussed things. She said she liked me too which I refused to believe. So that was that and about a week or two after I kept trying to get her to even go out for a walk on multiple occasions and every single time she blew me off that's when I was heartbroken. School was awkward and I started being cold towards her because she got a new bf and never discussed our situation and just completely blanked it and what made it the most heartbreaking of all... She always talked about her bf and boys to me and she knew that I really liked her but she must of cared at all. I shed so many tears over her and to be honest she was no where near worth it but this situation made me stronger. Her and I don't talk anymore, I completely cut her off because I deserve better. But don't be thinking that she was a bitch, she really wasn't and I know she really cared for me but she just didn't handle things right at all. She'll always be my first true crush and I appreciate that. Thank you for reading! Never give up, you don't need to be with someone to be happy. I'm still single two years on and I'm happy just studying and writing. It did take me a whole year + to get over her completely which sacked but just remember you'll get there eventually, you won't always be weak. Message me if you ever need or want to talk, I'm here.~ Emma