LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Discovering and Accepting

By AB

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Growing up, I'd always felt a bit different. When I was younger, and I learnt about marriage, I remember asking my mom why I had to marry a guy only and why I couldn't marry a girl. I used to stare at my Barbie dolls. Some of them were so pretty. There was one whom I specifically liked.

Then I came to know that guys could like guys, and not just girls. I knew this because boys at school used to tease other guys by calling them gay. So the thought that "gay is bad" got drilled into my head. When I found out girls could like girls too, I was intrigued and got a jittery feeling in my stomach when I thought about it. I remember my friends used to talk about so many crushes, but I felt that I had just one or two actual crushes. I didn't realize at that time that this was because I had crushes on girls that I was in total denial of.

Then I remembered someone jokingly asked me if I liked one of my female friends. I straight away denied it, but it got me thinking. I realised that I did, in fact, kind of like her. I realised that I might be gay, and that scared me. Because gay is bad right? I tried to brush off the thought by focusing on the guys I liked. If I liked a guy, it meant that I was "normal" and not gay, right? Then one day, I was flipping through a dictionary, looking for a word, when the word "bisexual" just caught my eye. I read what the dictionary said, and my heart started hammering in my chest.

I wasn't gay.

I wasn't straight either.

I am bisexual.

I knew it, I just did.

And I felt wonderful. Gradually, I learnt to accept myself and my feelings.

To anyone who's feeling confused and scared right now, don't worry. It'll be okay. You don't have to do anything, the right answer will come to you eventually. You will discover and learn to accept yourself. You just have to be patient and strong.