LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

How Wattpad Helped Me Find Out I'm a Lesbian

Anonymous

~

I live in Poland (English isn't my native language so maybe I made a lot of mistakes in this text). Poland is very conservative, homophobic country in central Europe. Words like fag are normal here. I am not even talking about words like "bro you can't eat banana, that is sooo gay" (I hear things like this all the times). It's really okay compared to teachers telling us that being gay is not normal and all fags should die. She taught subject Wychowanie do życia w rodzinie. It means raising to living in family. And marriage equality? Lol nope. If I get marriage in any other country in Poland it will means nothing. I can't even have some sort of partnership with another woman. We can't be couple. So here I am gay and proud. Find it out was really hard. We don't have openly gay celebrity woman. Not even one. (Or bi or pan). We have one gay male politician. So I didn't see anybody to compare with. Okay people in USA, UK, Germany, France can be lesbian. But in Poland? No way. When I first noticed my crush on a girl I told myself it's because I want look like her. It was so much awful when I think about it now.

Everything changed at summer two years when I kissed my best female friend. It was the worst thing in my life. She was straight and homophobic. And I even wasn't sure that I'm gay. She started yelling at me and telling all this really bad words. So I said it was a joke. Just joke. Then I convinced myself that I like boys. For year. And then I started using Wattpad. And I started writing with other user who don't know my parents. Once my friend from Wattpad wrote me she saw cute boy in school. And I completely accidental (I was eating and writing at the same time so I was paying attention to food of course) replayed I don't romantic like boys. I came out to myself at this moment first time. I was scared. But she just wrote okay, maybe you saw cute girls or something today? And it was the best thing she could write. I can't come out to my family. I live in house with them I'm just 16. And I can't come out to my friends, my mum for sure will find it out and kicked me out of the house. I want to study law I can't live without parents money. But I come out to every single person at Wattpad who wants knows about it. It makes me happy. (I still don't know any gay/bi/pan teen in Poland).