LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

My First Girl Crush

By People_Are_Not_Okay

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Hi. You can call me Via, and I'm a lesbian. A little bit of backstory before we get the main event:

I was nine when I was first introduced to the idea of people liking people of the same gender. One of my close friends had two moms and two dads (on account they divorced and remarried). I wasn't affected by this, and I thought it was actually kind of cool two have two moms or dads.

In fifth grade, there was this boy that I thought I liked. If a girl did something weird, he would say "you lesbian!" I didn't understand why he said that, but I just laughed along anyway. In seventh grade, I first thought I was asexual, because I didn't like boys in that sense. However, I never turned my head to look at girls, and when I did, I felt different. I had no idea why I never thought of them, because it all made sense.

Throughout many years, probably since I was five, I always looked at girls, but I thought it was normal, that all girls looked at girls in a way like that. Throughout seventh grade, I began to identify as a lesbian, and that's when I finally stopped doubting myself. My first girl crush was, let's call her Hayley, I guess. I liked her a lot. I started talking to her all of the time. One time, while we and a group of friends were talking, she said "I could be bi." I widened my eyes, but didn't say anything. I was so excited, had so much, and then she said the worst thing. "Haha, just kidding!" Everyone laughed. I laughed. I couldn't possibly let her know my feelings for her. It would never work. I feel kind of bitter about it, but I'm moving on. I know it's better that way instead of dwelling on the past. Nonetheless, her words still make me feel broken whenever I replay the conversation in my head.