LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Closeted, Confused, and Incomplete

By Gee demigodpotterhead103

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I'm 13 and pansexual. Or at least, that's what I tell people when they ask my sexuality. I'm not really sure what I am to be honest. I'm attracted to hes, shes, and theys. I honestly feel like pansexual is the closest I can get to not having a label, and I like the idea of not having a label. I'll like who I like when I like them! Anyways, here is my milestone. I came out to my mom a few months ago. It went better than expected, but not as good as I had hoped. I was in her room and I pretty much forced myself to come out. I told myself that if I didn't I was going to do terrible thing to punish myself, things that I don't want to repeat in case I trigger someone. I finally forced myself to do it. I walked up to her and said "Hey, Mom? Can I tell you something?" She nodded and I just said, "I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls." (Side note: I said bisexual because my mom is a huge transphobe.)At this point I was sobbing and she asked me why I was crying. I replied with "Because I thought you wouldn't love me anymore!" She reassured me that she would never stop loving me and I wish that were the end of it, I really do. A few weeks later she caught me with an equality bracelet on. She asked where I got it and I made up some lie about my friend giving it to me because I didn't want her to change her mind about loving me and she had had homophobic views in the past. That was the end of that conversation. About a month after that conversation I was hiding in the walk in closet at my Great Aunt's house and when I went back in the room my uncle said, "Congratulations! Your child just came out of the closet!" (He still has no clue that I'm pan, the only person I've told in my family is my mom.)She unenthusiastically replied, "Just what every mother wants to hear." I honestly felt like crying. Ever since, she's made quite a few homophobic comments and things of that nature. I guess the point of this story was just to let people know that it may not be a good time to come out. You hear all of these stories about coming out ASAP, but sometimes it's just not a good idea. Come out when you're ready and when you feel that it is a safe environment. Other people don't have your family, you know yourself and your family better than anyone else. Do it whenever you feel would be the best time, and if you need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate to talk to me or anyone else that you know won't judge you for who you are. Also, you should watch MilesChronicles on YouTube. He's one of the YouTubers that really helped me and many others accept who they are, and he's an amazing trans guy. All in all, be yourself and don't let anyone bring you down. Also, being queer is great, don't worry.