LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

I'm Here, and I'm Queer

By LJ

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Hey, it's been a while. The last time I wrote one of these was back in October. Back then I went under the alias "Dragon". For me, a lot of stuff has changed since then. I was so sure that I had figured out whatever I am, but I hadn't. Now that that's out of the way, let's get started.

My name is Lauren, though on the internet I tend to go by the nickname LJ more often. I'm 14 years old. My friends IRL have given me quite a few interesting nicknames, most notably being Laurauno. These would be the friends I was most comfortable being myself around.Back in the summer (2016), I started identifying​ as asexual, and did through about January. For me, it had always sort of made sense. To me, body parts touching always seemed really weird and gross.Fast forward to November of 2016, and I came out to a large group of my friends as asexual at a social gathering. Everyone was cool with it, and went on with their day. A few of my friends said it made sense because whenever somebody mentioned sex or anything like that, I became extremely uncomfortable. We all joked and laughed about it, even if some of them didn't quite get it.Around January though, I stopped feeling as comfortable with calling myself asexual. I don't know why, but it just didn't fit "me" anymore. I also began to fall in love with someone.It wasn't exactly a sexual type of attraction or anything, it's just I wanted to be around her no matter what. I know this may mean I'm asexual, just not aromantic, but I didn't feel comfortable calling myself asexual anymore.As many people do on this app, I will refer to this girl as C. She was always really funny, and somehow I became even more awkward around her than normal. She also was really nerdy, so I could talk to her about a lot of different animes and such.I loved watching the light hit her dyed hair from the back of the classroom. After every school break, she would come back to school with her hair dyed a new color. She mainly went between blue and red. I don't know why, but she always intrigued me. I just wanted to be someone that could stay by her side, and be someone she could trust.I had never felt like this before, but I knew I wanted to be someone she could rely on. That's when I knew for sure I wasn't straight. I started calling myself queer instead. What I liked​ about being "queer", is I'm not restricting myself with labels. I am free to be whoever I want. The next step was to come out again, but this time as queer. I was quite scared at first. I thought my friends would be curious as to why I was now changing. Thankfully it wasn't a large hassle. All of my friends were very accepting. I was told that I was the same person they knew, but now I seemed happier. I'm lucky to live in such a liberal area. There are a lot of kids in my school who are out, and they are all supported.One of my friends had the best reaction I could have asked for. I am on this app where I wrote a blog about a pair of rainbow suspenders. My friend and 2 others has given me the suspenders for my birthday. I showed my friend the blog I had written. It kind of talks about how your labels can change over time, like me, as I was ace but now am queer. She looked up from her phone after reading it, and just held me in a hug. I knew from that moment on, that I would be okay. She's also the only person I ever told about C (My crush on C went from October 2016 to about April 2017)I want to come out to my mom, but whenever I try I just clam up. I'm not sure if I'll ever tell my dad I identify as queer. He may just think it's a phase, because I haven't​ exactly labeled myself. He's not exactly what you can call "open-minded" When my sister came out as pansexual, he thought she was just bi-curious. I'm not sure if his thinking will ever change. Only time will be able to tell.Though, I do think my parents might have picked up on the fact a bit. Yes mother, I, your daughter with an undercut who likes bow ties and cargo shorts isn't straight. Shocker.I'm very lucky to have friends and a sibling who I can trust and be myself around. I know many people don't have that opportunity to be themselves, and they have to stay closeted their entire lives. I feel very fortunate to be surrounded by people who support me, and accept me. If you wait long enough, you will be able to find your beacon of light in the world. My light, is my friends. Thank you very much for your time.*Slight side note to any of my IRL friends on Wattpad who see this, thank you so much for everything you've done for me*