Bring you Back. (A Mashton fanfiction)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Calum rubbed my back as I took deep breaths trying to calm myself down. We can't end like this, the band can't end like this. I won't be able to deal without seeing him anymore. I took deeper breaths but I couldn't seem to catch air.

"Michael calm down, your gonna hurt yourself" Calum cried and I bit my lip as tears rolled down my cheek.

"I want to fucking hurt myself. Don't you get that Calum! It's been a week without him and I am absolutely miserable." I croaked still gasping for breath. My hand throbbed as the scratches from punching everything puffed up as bleeding slowed down.

"Michael please.. It's okay. I'll talk to Ashton. I'll get him back in the group I promise" he whispered wrapping his arms around me. I let out a sigh and hugged him back as final tears dropped.

"You wanna go back downstairs Mike?" Calum asked and I shook my head.

"I wanna just get drunk Cal. If you want to help me just go get me something to drink. I don't want to be able to think when he comes here" I said quietly staring at my hand and Calum stood up.

"Beer?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Do we have any whiskey?" I asked and he shrugged his shoulders before leaving to the basement. I took a deep breath and looked around my room beginning to pick up some of the things I knocked down and kicked around I looked at the picture of me and Regina. I guess I broke it. The glass frame was completely shattered. Memories of us flashed in my mind. God I fucking miss her. Everything about her was perfect. Her beautiful hair, her beautiful eyes, her personality was best of all. Sure she was gorgeous on the outside but on the inside her beauty shined even brighter. I've noticed how much I fuck up my relationships. I let out a sigh and fixed the picture before continuing to look around for other things I broke. Calum walked through the door holding a bottle of jim beam alcohol. It was a big bottle but knowing me I could finish it all if I really wanted to.

"Here Mike, this is all I could find." He said and I grabbed it out of his hand. I read the label before opening it. The smell filled my nose but I ignored it and brought the bottle to my lips. It definitely wasn't a chugging drink because it burnt and felt sick instantly.

"Where's Luke's phone?" He asked and I shook my head before taking a deep breath, trying not to puke. It hurt my stomach but I wanted to drink.

"I threw it at the wall when Ashton told me he quit" I said quietly and took another small sip. Calum turned around and looked on the floor for the phone. I felt a little bit of guilt come over me, I hope I didn't break Luke's phone. Suddenly he picked it up and stared at it.

"How hard did you throw it?" I knew I must have damaged it. I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly and looked up at it. There was a big scratch down the middle.

"I'm sorry I'll pay for the damage!" Calum ran his finger over it and let out a small sigh.

"I'm sure he'll understand.. Are you better now?" He asked and shook my head, taking more small sips of the bottle.

"Well.. No not really. I don't want you to worry about me though, go back downstairs with the other three, I'll be fine" he let out a sigh before nodding.

"Okay Mikey feel better, I love you" he said and I nodded continuing to drink as he left to downstairs. I let out a shaky breath, honestly whiskey was disgusting. Horrid tasting. Probably my least favorite drink of all time. I know how drunk it gets you though so maybe it'll help me handle how I'm feeling.

I feel sad and sorry. Sorry I never told him, I do want to tell him. No one understands how much I want to, but I can't. Not only for his safety.. In all honesty I will protect him every second of every day. I just can't live with the guilt. Saying it out loud could only make it worse. It reminds me of all the things I've done wrong. The stupid gang was probably the worst. Not that I'm officially out of it, but that's why they went for Ashton. They went for Regina. For me. I shook the thoughts out of my head, I think of my past too often. It seemed like it has only been seconds but I was so caught up in my past and trying to find the bottom of the liquor I didn't notice the sun was down and basically hours passed. I looked at the bottle.

I don't think it was safe how much I drank. A little less than half the bottle, which like I said before is huge. I sat up and took deep breaths before standing up. I slowly wobbled to the door, opening it I stared at who was in front of me. He let out a few shaky breaths as he stared at me.

"Michael are you drinking?" He asked almost instantly after seeing me.

"Why do you care!" I yelled at him and he bit his lip a little grabbing my hand.

"Come on let me take you down stairs, then I'll be on my way Mikey" he promised. I pulled away my hand and looked at him.

"I don't want to go with you Ashton. You left me" I said quietly and he stared at me with sad eyes.

"Michael I just don't want any lies or secrets" I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"But you know what Ashton I warned you. I told you I wasn't good at telling people things. I was an emotional train wreck but you made me think you cared. Then in the end it really happened that you cared more about yourself that you'd make me fall for you and then right when some little bump comes up you leave so just stop. I'm sick of this bullshit acting like you're the victim. " I yelled and looked up at the ceiling, holding my tears in.

"Michael I do care about you.." He said and his eyes trailed to my wrist. He grabbed it and stared at it then my face.

"Oh my God why did you do this?" I felt a shower of guilt come over me and suddenly I couldn't hold in my sobs.

"I miss you. I just lost it. God damn it Ashton it's only been a few days and I already want to kill myself without you by my side again" Ashton shook his head with tears in his eyes before grabbing me into a hug.

"Michael don't you dare ever kill yourself" I wrapped my arms around him back, as tears fell on his shirt.

"Why not?" I whispered. He stroked my hair quietly, calming me.

"I swear on everything I would kill myself to be with you" He whispered back and I grabbed him closer.

"I love you too much for this Ashton" I said between tears and we both pulled away from the hug. We stared at each other, both with tears in our eyes. He rubbed his finger under my eye and wiped away my tear. We only stared for a while before suddenly he took a step back.

"I guess I'm gonna go pack my stuff" He quietly looked down at the ground and i did too.

"I'll help you if you want" I said and he nodded with a small smile.

"Thanks" I smiled lightly back even though I wanted to cry. Was it really happening? Was Ashton really leaving this band? I wanted him to stay in. I wanted us to still be together. This hurt me so bad but all I could do was smile at him. I walked to his room realizing I was still drunk, I guess seeing him sobered me up a little. We started to pack the things on his floor into a suitcase.

"So what's been happening lately at the house while I was gone?" He asked and I finished folding one of shirts before shrugging my shoulders, shoving it in the suitcase.

"Well Brianne and Harry are still here and I've started to hang out with Calum again. He actually still is really nice" I said he seemed to stiffen up.

"Oh.. Well that's good." He said and something suddenly occurred to me.

"Wait Ashton where are you moving to if you're not gonna live here anymore?" He shrugged his shoulders with a sigh.

"I guess back to my house with John and my mum" I looked at him and shook my head.

"No Ashton. You are not going back there. I don't care if you move in with Cynthia or even Jack for that matter. I'm not letting you move in with those abusive homophobic assholes." I stammered and he stared at me shaking his head.

"I'm sorry Michael it's the only place I have to go" He said but I cut him off before getting out the rest of his words I went up to him, basically pressing up against him. He stopped talking. We stared at each other when suddenly like how most movies turn out, we kissed each other but it wasn't slow or anything. I could tell it was gonna go some where. We both got in to it almost instantly.

OMG I STARTED WRITING A SEX SCENE HAHA BUT WATTPAD WOULDN'T LET ME POST IT. ANYWAYS SINCE OF HOW MANY NICE COMMENTS YOU GUYS LEFT I DECIDED TO KEEP THIS STORY UP AND KEEP WRITING. Lol anyways thank you guys for everything ily all. Sooo you should all follow me, like this, comment (I love comments), check out my other fan fictions :)