My Deepest Thoughts

AM I BEAUTIFUL NOW?

Growing up,  I was told
Beauty isn't about the way you look
It is about your mind
I was told that beauty isn't about how good your legs look
But how bright your smiles are
I was told beauty isn't about how pointed your nose are
Or how small and rossy your lips are
Because if beauty truly is about that,
Then I accept that I an ugly

But if beauty is about how beautiful my inside is
If it is about how pure my mind is
If is is about how big my heart is
Then I think I am pretty beautiful
If beauty is about the words in my mouth
The way I manipulate my words to please you
If beauty is truly what I was told it was
I thought I was beautiful

But you told me otherwise
You said I am not beautiful enough
You said if you cannot see my beauty
Then it doesn't exist
You said beauty is about what you can see and feel
You  didn't care about my words
You didn't care about my mind
You didn't care about my thoughts or my heart

You said I wasn't pretty enough
So I start to cut
I used the knife to make my beauty visible
I started using the drugs to make my beauty more enticing
I used the ropes the bring out my beauty
So now tell me,
If beauty is about looks
Is my scar pretty enough?
Are my cuts deep enough for you to feel
Since my words aren't loud and clear enough
Are these bruises clear enough for you to see?

Since beauty is about what you can see
You can see my scars,  that will never heal
So that means I will stay pretty forever
You can see my tears,  that will never dry
That way you can swim in my beauty
You can see how thin my waist is,  since I starved
That way my beauty can come out more
And since my beauty isn't about my heart,  I guess it doesn't matter that I  broke it
This way you be proud

Now that my beauty is visible
Tell me, 
Am I beautiful enough?