My Deepest Thoughts

MY CONFESSION

My confession to the world
This is my confession to myself
The one poem I have ever written about me.
Probably the only poem I'll write about me.

Looking in the mirror at myself.
I am not ugly
My looks are not what I care about
My weight is not what bothers me
I am not a typical teenager
My mind is what bothers me
My heart is what disturbs me
I keep telling myself I can't love because of all the complications
But I know it is because I am not capable of love.
Sometimes I just call  myself
And tell myself to listen.
This is a heart to heart conversation that is always going on in my head.

Dear self, everyday of your life
You just cant seem to accept it
You wont admit it
You have issues but you are no trying to fix it
So tell me
Why is it so hard to accept love
You are not alone, someone is always there.
But you like the feeling of loneliness so much
You refuse to accept the truth that is right in front of you.
Why is it so hard to admit that somebody cares.
Are you really that unlovable
You really think you are that undesirable
There are people that loves and cares for you.
And you know that is true
So why are you shutting them out?

Is like your mind accepts it
But your heart regrets it
So, tell me
Why is your heart so dark?
Is your heart really that weak, that small, that you can't fit anybody in it except yourself?
Or is it your body that refusing to accept it.
Is it your body that is turing its back on everybody
When they just want to hug you and tell you everything will be okay?

Haven't you realized
That your actions hurt the people around you?
They are just trying to help
But you keep shutting them out
Why?
I know you don't want to
But can you open your eyes,
You are hurting them.

Dear self,
Everyday before you get out of bed
I want you to tell yourself this
"I am loved and I accept it"
Because if you can say it
Then you better believe it.