My Deepest Thoughts

ONE DAY

One day,  I will like to write about myself.
I will like to write down my thoughts
Write down my view of life
Let people know what is going on in my mind

But first, I will have to figure out who I will be writing about
Because the person called "me " I don't know who that is
The person that appears in front of the mirror
Is not the same person I see in the photo
The Person in the photo,  is not what others see in real life
  I am just a mixture of different people people
I appear ugly in the mirror
Look happy in the pictures
But people are seeing a person with depression

I would write down my thoughts,
But I don't have any thoughts
The demons inside my head controls all I think about
So if I should write anything down
If would be their thoughts not mine.
So unless you want to read about suicide and depression,
I have nothing else to write about.

I can't write down my view of life
Because it will be my view of life
Nobody wants to read that
Nobody wants to know
Because if I should,
I would make the world a much darker place than it already is.

I can't tell anyone what is on my mind
Because it will just be about one person
That one person that I want but cannot have
That person I deserve but don't want be back
That person that saw the real me
That person that can't handle my thoughts
That person that the me in the picture attractive
That person that the me in the mirror scared away
That is the only thing on my mind
The person that my demons scared away.

So until then,
I will talk about myself in third person
I will lie that my pains aren't actually mine
I will keep smiling in the pictures
I will keep breaking my mirror
And people still know that I am depressed but will never care enough to ask me why

Not until I jump
And it is too late.