In Omnia Paratus Book 3

Blaming yourself.

"This sounds pretty weird but we have a friend that works at the hospital is there any way we could get her? She's always treated Jenna before and she knows all her medical history." Lily said whilst we sat in the ambulance.

She was holding my hand the one that wasn't all bandaged up and I wouldn't let go of her she wasn't allowed to leave my side.

"Who is it?" Ryan asked.

"Victoria..." I mumbled.

"Clinical lead?" He scoffed. "We'll see if she has time but she never does not even for friends."

"We'll see." Lily sighed.

"Lil I don't—" I mumbled to her as we were stuck in traffic getting to the hospital.

"What's the matter?" Lily leaned in close to hear me because I was so quiet.

"I feel bad, really bad." I said as I started to close my eyes.

"No no no Jenna stay awake for me. Uh tell me about your day..." Ryan snapped.

"Not a good place to start... bad day." Lily breathed. "Uh jen Tell me about Richard... that's her boyfriend, uh what's he up to? When are you going to see him next?"

"He's... at home." I breathed shutting my eyes again.

"No please Jenna eyes open." Lily snapped angrily but I heard she was starting to cry and the siren started going so we were rushing to the hospital. "Please Jenna just talk to me."

"I—" I started.

"Lily stand back she's having a seizure." Ryan said pulling Lily away from her and strapping Jenna up best she could.

"What's happening.."

"Any time now Lucy would be great! How close are we?" Ryan asked.

"2 minutes." Lucy called.

"We don't have 2 minutes. God ok Lily you need to help me turn Jenna on her side to relieve her airway." Ryan asked.

Lily could see she was shaking and convulsing as vomit started appearing in her mouth. She jumped up and did what he said and helped her turn on her side. Vomit poured out of her mouth but she was still shaking and fitting so they had to leave her on her back for a bit.

"Ok here!" Lucy shouted as the ambulance stopped.

"Thank god... alright let's get going." Ryan immediately opened the back doors and they got Jenna out of the ambulance and into the hospital. Lily following closely trying her hardest to stay with her.

But in a&e it was hard to not be separated. Lily followed her into the hospital room where doctors were surrounding her whilst she was still fitting and vomiting everywhere.

"Uh these are the..." Lily stepped forward to one of the doctors.

"Drugs She took?" He nodded at her.

"Yeah those." She passed the container over to him.

"Well done." He winked at her because he could tell how scared she was and she was keeping it together. "It's gonna be alright I promise." He nodded.

"Ok thank you Doctor..."

"Clark, Doctor David Clark." He smiled before disappearing into the other doctors and nurses.

"Should she leave?" One Of nurses looked at Lily.

"No." David nodded. "She might be help."

Lily just stood there biting her nails whilst tears sat in her eyes watching Jenna vomit over and over into a bowl whilst outrageously fitting. They finally administered a drug and the fitting stopped.

They checked her over and read through the drugs she had taken. Then they explained it all to her. "So you're her friend?" Doctor Clark asked.

"Best friend." Lily smiled slightly.

"So what we're doing here is giving her the right antidote to the drugs she's taken. However it doesn't always work so sometimes we try a different method of this medicine that would bind the drugs together so they would pass out of her body naturally. Then if none of that works we consider pumping her stomach which is worst case scenario."

"Okay..." Lily smiled. "So we want the first thing to work." She nodded.

"Yeah. Then I'll get the nurses to bandage up her arms until she wakes up and we can explain it more to her." The Doctor said.

"Oh before you go... do you know Victoria?" Lily asked.

"Of course are you friends?" He scoffed.

"No but Jenna is." She smiled.

"I'll see if I can find her." David winked walking out of the room just leaving nurses bandaging up Jenna's arms that were blood stained and cleaning them.

- - - - -

When I opened my eyes I had a moment where I was so disappointed that I woke up. I started to cry because really I was glad I had woken up but I didn't know where I was or what was going on.

"Hey." Lily said she was holding my hand tightly. I just looked over at her and my eyes filled with more tears. "Do you remember what happened?"

"No." I breathed heavily shaking my head. My mouth tasted foul like vomit and my head was hurting like crazy. My whole body ached really bad too.

"You're ok now... you're in hospital. Uh you OD'd on your painkillers you had after having maisie and you're antidepressants." She nodded but I had known I did that mostly.

I just breathed more heavy because I felt so bad and I was already stopping tears from falling.

"They're waiting to see if the antidote works..." Lily explained.

It definitely wasn't working. I felt awful, a headache like hell and my vision was all over the place. I was shivering really bad and sweating at the same time. It was no different from earlier. I felt the same drowsiness too.

"It's not." I breathed.

"Well I'm sure it's not instant." She laughed just squeezing my hand so I would look at her. "While you're awake, quickly do you want anyone else here? I haven't called anyone... Richard? Your dad? Matt? Anyone I don't care."

"Please don't tell anyone..." I panicked. "Well you can tell Matt if you want."

"It's alright, calm down I won't tell anyone." She stroked my hand gently as I settled again.

"You don't... have to be here." I sighed.

"I want to be. Look jen im sorry for everything I said that day I found the cuts... I should have listened not just had my own judgements. Maybe if I had helped you wouldn't be here now." Lily breathed.

"Blaming yourself for something gets you nowhere. I mean... look where I am for feeling guilty..." my breathing was getting shorter and I felt worse and worse.

"When I found you, you said this was because of everything piled up. What's everything?" Lily asked.

"Miscarriage, Richard problems, my family, you..." I coughed.

"So it is me too?" She asked.

"How can it not be?" I coughed more this time and felt sick again.

"I need to tell you something jen about that accident... about me loosing the feeling in my legs..." Lily sniffed.

"What?" I gasped for breath before I started to vomit again and before I knew I was unconscious and fitting once more.