In Omnia Paratus Book 3

The Cause?

When I woke up the next time no one was holding my hand. I was alone in a room with one nurse who was doing paperwork.

"I heard you were here." Victoria said as she appeared through the doors. "Quite a regular." She said picking up my clipboard with everything on. I don't know what she was expecting but she was so surprised as to why I was in.

"Where's Lily?" I mumbled.

"You OD'd?" Victoria asked looking very shocked and upset.

"Yes." I breathed heavily once again that antidote hadn't worked.

"The antidote they gave you failed. They've given you another drug that should combine anything that's left in your system and you'll loose if either through vomit or urine." Victoria read my notes.

"I still feel awful." I coughed.

"Have you urinated or vomited yet?' She asked.

I shook my head and sighed.

"Then you'll feel the same." She sighed. "What happened jen?" Victoria stood above me.

"Things piled up." I whispered.

"I gave you those antidepressants because you said you were going to get back on track. I didn't think they were for this..." Victoria raised her voice. "I could get in serious trouble for this."

"You won't..."

"You came to me two days ago Jenna. It's suspicious. And we're friends..." she snapped.

"I'm sorry." I sniffed.

"Hey look it's ok... I'm sure it'll be fine. So will you I promise." Victoria winked at me. "What was it?"

"Everything, I told you." I stated.

"Like?"

"Sounds silly." I breathed.

"No it doesn't."

"Richard and I hadn't seen each other in days like he was avoiding me. Uh Lily had some problem with her legs she couldn't feel them but it was just nerve damage apparently... I am constantly thinking about maisie and the miscarriage. I've tried but I can't stop thinking about it." I said slowly.

"Look Jenna just the miscarriage alone could have sent you over the edge honey. Ignore what your friends are saying none of them not even Richard knows what it's like to go through what you have... Jenna you've lost two children! that is rare for most people let alone someone who's still a teenager. You've faced more things most people will in their entire life before your 20." Victoria explained. "It's not silly that you feel this way, it's perfectly reasonable and if anyone thinks otherwise they shouldn't be in your life. I'm going to make sure you shake this so you can enjoy the rest of the long life you're going have ok?"

I was half crying and I just nodded and sniffed. Victoria smiled at me and then hugged me tightly. "Thank you." I sobbed quietly.

"Now I think I see Lily outside, you want her to come in? I've got to race off for an appointment but I'm going to come down here after my shift and see how you're doing then arrange your homecare." Victoria nodded.

"She can come in. Thanks Victoria." I smiled at her as she smiled back then left.

- - - - -

"Uh I sent Matt to get us some coffee or something but I'm not sure if you're allowed it or you'll just vomit it up again." Lily said nervously standing next to the bed.

I was more awake this time. The drugs were finally starting to leave my system and whilst it was making me feel so tired and dry, I felt more normal.

"Matts here?" I asked.

"I called him I hope you don't mind. I didn't tell him much but I think he's probably putting it together in his head." Lily smiled.

"It's ok, it's fine. You can't keep it a secret forever. I do ask that you leave Richard out of it though." I nodded.

"Okay, Whatever you like. Wanna tell me why though... what's been going on with you two recently?" She asked. "You told me he was one of the reasons this all happened..."

"He's been weird with me not wanting to talk for more than a few minutes on the phone and I haven't seen him in a week and when I did see him before it was so briefly." I explained.

"Ah ok..."

"I called him before this all happened. I reached out for help and asked him to come and help me..." I sighed looking down.

"He knew you were upset? Down? Worried..."

"I told him to come and see me I begged him a lot but he said he was busy at home and he'd see me in a few days." I mumbled.

"Oh Jen." She squeezed my hand.

"I was going to do it anyway I was determined but I thought... if he came over I might not try." I shrugged.

"Jen if you love him in anyway you need to tell him what's going on." Lily nodded.

"Well when I get out of here, maybe this weekend I'll tell him everything." I shrugged but she knew I was lying.

"Jen have you possibly considered that this was a step too far this time? That you might be in hospital more than a few days?" Lily hummed feeling awkward as the first person to bring this up to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"This is being treated as a serious attempt to take your own life. Jen they can find cause to admit you to an assessment unit, really find out what's going on with you?" Lily nodded.

"What?"

"Maybe Victoria should explain more... she just mentioned it to me that's all..." she shrugged.

"Ok, alright." I said suddenly thinking this was really serious.

- - - - -

"Yes that's all true." Victoria said after she came down at the end of her shift to see me. "Jenna with everything that's happened you'll probably be discharged from this ward and either transferred to an assessment unit or go home until there are more beds available on the assessment unit."

"What if I don't want to go?" I asked.

"If you are unwilling to get assessed jen we would have reason to section you." She explained.

"Meaning?"

"You'll be admitted to a psych ward. If you go willingly it'll be a lot easier I promise." She smiled. "I'm not being mean, I'm telling the truth."

"Hey jen it's not a big deal. You need to get help... then you'll be ready to come back to university ready to live normally...ish again." Lily chimed in now.

"So an assessment unit is?" I asked nervously.

"It's a ward in hospital where you'll be given a room and you're still allowed your phone and everything but you're given your pills when you're supposed to have them, but in your case they wouldn't let you dispense them yourself. You'll be assessed on what mental health problems you're suffering from, the way you're handling life, everything." Victoria explained.

"Am I like... crazy?" I asked.

"Of course not. Oh jen it's not about that. It's literally about getting you better, no judgement, nothing." She assured me.

"And I can visit you everyday." Lily nodded.

"Won't I be bored?" I said.

"You can bring some of your own things in with you." Victoria smiled. "Anyway we'll see how it goes. If there aren't any beds then you'll have to go home anyway and you'll get a call when there's a free space but you'll have to bring yourself to the hospital with a referral letter from me. Nobody's going to make you... but you need to."

"Ok..." I hummed,

"I'll be there for everything too jen don't worry." Lily stroked my shoulder as she could see I looked worried.