In Omnia Paratus Book 3

Truth and secrets

"Richard I would stop." Lily jumped in all of a sudden. Matt had walked off down the garden towards the house but was keeping an eye out in case anyone decided to run out here.

"No Look I'm sick of the secrets! We agreed to tell each other everything after you had an episode last year and it was working until this summer. You cheat, you lie about modelling and now Lily's demanding that you have something to show me. So go on then." Richard shouted.

I still just stood there watching him lash out. He had every right to.

"Richard seriously. I'm being genuine when I say I think you should stop." Lily slowly edged closer and closer to me like an animal about to attack.

"If you want me to understand... if you want this relationship to continue then I have to know what's going on. We can't have secrets!" Richard bellowed.

"Okay shall we talk about secrets?" Lily smiled looking at him and then me, where I just cringed because she was going o say it out loud.

It became apparent that this was now an argument between Lily and Richard as well. She was speaking on my behalf but she had her own opinions too.

"If you want to share so much why don't you tell us where you really were last week?" Lily breathed and I just looked at her funny because I had no idea what she talking about.

"At home." He sighed.

"No, not true." Lily laughed.

"Fine. I went to Paris." Richard admitted.

"You what?" I snapped suddenly.

"You didn't want me doing any more of those trips with the up and away." That was his stupid group of friends that would do dangerous things together. "Don't worry we didn't jump out of a plane drunk, I learnt from last time."

"You lied to me about where you were?" I suddenly found my voice.

"I didn't want to worry you! You were finally ok after the miscarriage and I didn't want to upset you any more." Richard explained.

"Well that doesn't make me feel better about telling my thing!" I snapped.

"Look just tell me I'm bored now." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to hospital tomorrow. I won't see you for like at least a week." I nodded sniffing at little unable to tell him why.

"What's the matter?" He frowned. "Are you sick? What's wrong?"

I just stared at him upset.

"She doesn't want to say it so I'll do it for you... on Wednesday I found Jenna almost unconscious surrounded by blood in her bed from cuts on her wrist and, OD'd on her painkillers and antidepressants." Lily said it nice and clearly for him.

He just stared at me for a little not understanding.

"If I didn't find her then she could have died. It's a harsh way to say it and I'm sorry for saying it so bluntly but Jenna tried to kill herself on Wednesday..."

"What the hell are you talking about? That can't be true." Richard snapped.

"It is." I started. "Thanks lil but I think I can take it from here."

"I'll be right over there." She smiled. We'd really grown closer these past few days.

"You tried to kill yourself?" He said looking me up and down.

"Yes and before you start asking questions I'll answer some first. Yes I did know what I was doing. I intentionally picked up my antidepressants in the aim that I wouldn't wake up the next day. Would I do it again? I don't know, to be honest I never planned it in the first place. Am I fucked up? Clearly... so I get it Richard. This is your way out." I hummed.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"I'm not mentally right at the moment. I don't know what's going on. I have to live everyday as it comes and right now it's been ok but only because I don't think Lily has left my side since it happened." I explained.

"Was it me?" He ignored all of what I said.

"No and it wasn't Lily or the miscarriage or maisie. It was everything. My life has caught up on me and everything that's happened is currently sitting on my shoulders. I didn't know how to put it into words before but it's like I brushed all those bad things I did under the carpet and now the carpets being lifted and I'm experiencing them all again." I said desperately trying to make him understand.

"Come here." He opened his arms as I started to cry. I hugged him so tightly and sobbed into his shoulder. "Hey it's going to be alright." He rubbed my back.

I just cried for a while and so we sat on the grass together. "You know I don't want to break up right?" Richard whispered.

"I don't—"

"I want to be with you jen, that's why I stupidly proposed to you. I'm going to be here the entire time you're in hospital and when you get out I'm going to stop at nothing to make sure you're ok." He stroked my hand gently.

"You don't have to you know. I'm a bit messed up and no one will judge you for getting yourself out of this mess." I explained.

"I want to. I love you and that's it ok? I think I'm going to talk to Lily for a second. You ok? Wanna go inside?" He asked.

"I think I'm going to go back inside. Try and enjoy some of my party." I smiled slightly.

"Alright, see you inside." Richard smiled as I wiped my face and went up the garden and inside.