In Omnia Paratus Book 3

Future.

"Why was it so bad? Wasn't it meant to help you?" Richard asked.

"God you have no idea..." I hummed. "I wasn't technically forced to go there but they said if I didn't voluntarily admit myself onto a ward then they'd assess me and I'd end up on a locked ward..."

"What's a locked ward?" He asked.

"Prison rich. They lock every door behind you even if it's just to go to the bathroom. You have dedicated outdoor time and scheduled everything..." I explained.

"So you didn't..."

"No I went voluntarily." I shrugged. "Not tonnes better though you know? They still like their locks not necessarily on every door but some... I wore hospital gowns or shorts and T-shirt's that were provided to me. I didn't have a single personal item of mine for the entire first week I was there."

"I'm confused why? They can't do that surely..."

"Yeah they can, they take everything away from you that you could possibly kill yourself with. Shorts with tightening chord and gowns with no string. They would give me time on my phone otherwise that was locked away." I laughed but I didn't want to laugh really.

"When you went in did you know all this?" He asked.

"Kinda. They explained sort of..." I shrugged.

"What did you do? What was the point of being there?" Richard asked.

"Well for me it gave me so much free time away from everything, no distractions just me and my mind and I had a chance to figure things out in my head. I spoke to a therapist almost everyday. I got assessed every couple of hours. I mean they treat you like pre-school children... you have break time and snack time and arts and crafts and all that shit but I used my time to just think you know?" I smiled.

"Three weeks?" He asked.

"Don't get me wrong the first week I was there I didn't make any progress at all. I felt the same way I did before but gradually over time it gets to you, I felt protected, nobody was going to let me hurt myself in anyway and I got to speak to other girls who also had struggles I had." I nodded.

"Wow I just wish you'd told me all this before you know?" Richard smiled. "I'm so proud of you." He said giving me a hug.

"I thought about you a lot you know? Especially the question you asked me just before I went in." I brought it up for the first time since the day. The proposal that was never mentioned.

"Oh jen forget about that stupid day. I was stupid to even try and ask..." you could tell Richard was really embarrassed about the proposal.

"If all was ok a few days before that my answer would have been yes you know?" I hummed as I was leaning on him as he hugged on the couch.

"Really?" He asked.

"I think so it's hard to tell looking back." I explained. "God I realise how that sounds now I've said it out loud, that is not me trying to get you to ask or anything I was literally just thinking about it you know... god I'm sorry."

"Hey it's ok." He laughed. "It's fine."

- - - - - -

"So how are things going at work? I know your dad said if they went well you'd be out here longer..." I smiled gently trying to see whether he'd be back in Ashford soon.

"Business is great, work is good but that doesn't mean I'll stay out here. I came out here to help dad set up the new branch but once it's up and running I can move back home and work there. He only training me up so I can take over from him when he eventually retired which feels like it never will happen." Richard laughed.

"So you think it'll just be the 3 months or Christmas?" I asked.

"Well I have flight home in September whether I stay for good then or not I can't say at the moment. Look I'm fighting my dad on this, you know that of course but I want to be home with you I just have to do this for now..." he explained calmly and I smiled across at him.

"Of course, no pressure. We will have time in September and see how it goes." I nodded.

"I promised I'd make this work and I will you know? You just concentrate on getting through your final year as a university student." He laughed.

"I know it's mad, Lily, matt and I have booked our flat together for next year just us. It's a weird studio flat that has two bedroom and a nice big kitchen and living area I'll send you the pics and you can browse through them when you're bored." I laughed and smiled.

"Sounds nicer than what I had." He said.

"Don't lie you lived in the nicest place every year right on campus so you never got the bus or had to walk." I punched his arm.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes laughing at me.