The Queen in the North: Game of thrones fanfiction

Chapter Thirty-Two: Elonar

Chapter Thirty-two

The wolf without the rose.

Elonar Stark had returned to Winterfell to give Garlan a proper burial, as proper burial, as you can give someone who's body you don't have. This was what hurt El the most, she couldn't even see his body,that was so hard, oh so hard. she had the masons make a statue of him, and she burst into tears seeing it. This wasn't El, Axel thought. She was twisted with grief, and changed. She was so different, without him, like she was completely new, weakened, and broken. Before him, she hadn't been like this, so why now, Axel wondered. But he kept his thoughts to himself.

She back away from his statue slowly. She was still expecting him to come back, to climb into bed with her ever night, expecting him to hug her from behind and kiss her neck. But seeing his shrine like this made her finally realise hew as gone, and never coming back for her. Garlan Tyrell, had been a part of her, a living, breathing part of her. And when he died, half of her died too, the half that gave her strength. If it wasn't for him she wouldn't have Been strong enough to get up, the night he died. He gave her a reason to live and to fight for what she had. For the first week, she shut everyone out and didn't speak, eat or sleep. But when sleep finally came, her mind was alive with him and the imprint he left on her.

The first night she was back in Winterfell, she shut the door slowly behind herself then stood still, unable to move, supporting herself on the door handle, other than the candles and then made me bed, everything was perfectly the same, the way they had left it just over a month ago. She looked around the bed chamber, it smelt so much like him it made her gag. She tried to breath but tears choked her, and invisible hands grasped her neck, squeezing the air out of her.

"I can't imagine a world without you" he had said, leaning beside that fireplace, El ran her fingers along the stone. At the time, she had thought she could do it without him. But now he was gone, she couldn't do anything. She staggered to the window and pushed the glass fully open, El soaked in the free air, and tried to steady her breathing. He was everywhere, especially in here. She crossed to his dresser and pulled out one of his shirts, she pressed it to her nose and closed her eyes, Elonar wanted to remember him, but the memories burned her mind like hot coals. She sit back on the bed, and stared at the canopy above, so many sleepless nights she had stared at that canopy, intwined in him, listening to his heartbeat slow, as his body relaxed. He'd hold her, and everything would be okay, it was at that point where she curled up under the skins, clutched his shirt to her face and cried.

Elonar had to be strong outside this room, that was always how it worked, in here she could collapse; into him and he'd be there, but now, it was just her. Suddenly El felt so sick she might die, vomit surged up her throat and burned her mouth. The sound of her retching brought her handmaids running in. They helped her up and Cleaned her then tucked her in bed "you don't think, I could be with child again?" She asked before they could leave.

Rausa turned and inhaled sharply, "it's hard to know for sure, Milady" Rausa came to her bed side "but, I think it's possible" she squeezed her eyes closed, pushing the tears back, remembering him again.

El sighed, "thank you" then she waved them out, it was entirely possibly she was with child again, and the possibly scared her. Another child, he wouldn't see. She curled up and pressed his shirt again she lips and screamed into him. Somehow, it still seemed surreal without him beside her every night.

Before him, she had everything working out perfectly, she was ruling the north and had the strength she needed. But then he came along, and she was utterly bewildered by Garlan. She was so terrified of him at first, but it was a good type of scared that somehow excited her, he made her feel alive, like there was a reason to live, and keep fighting and she didn't think she would ever be able to feel that was ever again.