The Last HeartBeat

Chapter 39 My fears My Lies

Logan felt like he was moving through water, he had so many questions they muffled his brain, his body was completely still, as though he was in shock, anxiety and fear took him over, he heard the muffled voice still speaking to him over the phone, but he couldn't bring himself to respond, eventually he shook out of his daze and hung up the phone, he couldn't bare to hear more about his brother's condition, he knew he was being a coward...But right then registering just how ill Jake was, had become too much to bear.

Logan just sat in his car starting out at the sea of other parked cars, his mind was blank, his stare was empty, people died from these things...He had to admit he felt much better not knowing what it was before, cause he could make up any kind of cure in his brain he could just think Jake was getting better, ignorance truly was bliss... but now it seemed so scary, it seemed so real...

Logan slowly looked over at Jake; he was still asleep, chest rising and falling, eyes shut closed, curled up in the corner. Logan felt his heart ache, his stomach churned and his eyes burned with tears, *I can't lose you Jake...I need you, you-your my best friend, your my biggest motivator, your my baby brother...* Logan thought as a hot tear escaped his eye, he bit his tongue trying to keep from full on crying, he felt so overwhelmed, he wasn't use to this much emotion, his body was shaking and he had no idea who to turn to, his parents were leaving back to Ohio, Evan and Mark weren't close enough for this family matter, he felt so alone, not even Jake knew about this yet.

Logan leaned over hugging Jake while he trembled fighting the tears, still fighting back tears, he kissed Jake's forehead, holding him while his mind wrecked with what to do.

Jake's eyes fluttered a bit feeling the warm contact, "Logan?" Jake said with a yawn, Logan froze hearing his brothers voice, "Where are we?" He asked still in a sleepy daze,
Logan moved away from him slowly, he kept his head down trying not to show him the tears in his eyes his chest burned and head pounded as he strained himself not to cry, Jake was going through so much...He just couldn't let him watch his big brother cry too. Logan cleared his throat swiftly rubbing at his eyes before speaking. "I brought you to my apartment" Logan said his voice still sounding a bit shaky, "Oh" Jake said sitting back up stretching, he coughed into his hand a few times, making Logan bite his lip trying not to flinch, now knowing what it all meant, everything Jake did put him on edge, *Please don't let these be our last moment....* Logan thought a bitter feeling washing over him.

"Where's Erika?" Jake asked now fully sitting up looking around the dark apartment parking lot through the cars windows  "She went to your house, I thought you'd like to say bye to mom and dad before they go home to Ohio in the morning, so I brought you here" Logan said trying to remain casual, although he found himself focusing on every little thing Jake did now, his voice, his gestures, everything seemed worth burning in to his brain now, "They're leaving? I guess they have been out here for a long time" Jake said before opening the car door, Logan jumped out running to Jake's side before he could even step out.

"The heck? What are you doing?" Jake asked laughing a little, "Can you get out okay?" Logan asked looking him over, "Yeah?" Jake said holding the car as he got out and got to his feet, "I'm fine Logan" Jake tried to assure him, he wasn't sure where the extra concern was coming from, he appreciated it, but at the same time didn't want his brother this upset.

Jake slowly began walking through the place with Logan right beside him, watching him, holding his bottom lip between his teeth, "Are you okay?" Jake asked stopping his stride, "I'm fine..." Logan told him, inside he was crumbling, the news still left him breathless, he felt like he should tell Jake about what he heard, but he was afraid of the reaction, afraid of letting himself cry if he had to say out loud what was wrong.

Jake nodded and kept going, him and Logan eventually made it into Logan's apartment, taking breaks along the way thanks to Jake's fatigue, they were silent most of their way up there, which Jake found strange, they had just been talking the whole ride, and now everything seemed so awkward, Logan almost seemed scared, he was so distracted with whatever captured his brain he almost bumped into several walls on the way up.
Logan turned on the light in his apartment when they came in, he felt his heart sink seeing Pam and Greg's bags already packed up for tomorrow morning, he was going to be alone in this, his shoulders and mind felt so heavy already, how would he break the news to Jake? How would he take it?

Logan stared at Jake as he made his way to the couch laying down, he didn't feel like he could handle if Jake had a break down from the news, what could he tell him to make it not sound so bad? His baby brother had cancer, his world felt so empty right now, his optimism was fading... his body felt loose, his head and heart still hurt from stress, he felt so lost.

"Can I borrow a shirt?" Jake asked, "Y-yeah bro" Logan mumbled he walked to his room, hearing his own heartbeat in his ears, the silence in the apartment was hurting him, he felt like he could explode...Logan came back with the shirt to see Jake already taking off his own shirt and taking out his oxygen tubes so they wouldn't be in the way of getting dressed, Logan slowed his walk taking Jake's image in, he looked so much more pale, his frame looked thinner then he'd seen him in forever, his muscle was still there but he'd obviously lost weight, and he still had a small scar on his chest from where he had to get drained.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked noticing him staring, "Nothing, sorry" Logan quickly said before giving him the shirt, he frowned listening to Jake wheezing without his tubes in, he put the shirt on and put his tubes back in, taking in huge sniffs of air till he steady himself again. "Logan why are you acting so weird? Bro what's up?" Jake asked frowning, "I just..." Logan muttered, "Just what? What's wrong?" He asked, Logan kept his head down, Jake obviously had a right to know, but it was hard to tell him...He'd been so brave during everything only to hear this devastating news, he didn't want to be the one to crush his spirits.

Logan's off behavior was freaking Jake out, him and Logan had been the ones to act the most normal and strong during everything, and to see him so out of it and sad, really made him believe something bad was happening, but he couldn't guess what, after having the best day out he'd had in a while, he couldn't imagine what got his brother so upset.

"Views not poppin'?" Jake joked trying to lighten the mood, that stung Logan's heart, what if he could never hear Jake's humour again? What if he would really never have him at his side again? "The views are okay..." Logan said his voice cracking a little, "Logan you sound like your about to cry bro" Jake said his mood dropping, Logan swallowed hard before speaking again, "I'm not bro, I'm just tired, we'll talk tomorrow" He said faking a smile, "Are you sure?" Jake said frowning, Logan nodded at him keeping his smile in place, "You can sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch" He said, Jake slowly got up knowing better then to argue with Logan about this, "Okay," Jake said making eye contact with him, as he walked towards Logan, "Talk to me tomorrow bro" Jake said sternly, Logan nodded before Jake passed him going into Logan's room shutting the door.

A/N:Sorry it's so short! I'll update again soon, lmk what kind of posting schedule you guys want. Like and comment! And follow me @ Bronzebabybird
Love you!