The Last HeartBeat

Chapter 68 Die with a Lie?

*I love you Erika, so much* Even though it was just on text, the words meant a lot to Erika, butterflies seemed to find their way in her stomach, her head light and airy, as she walked through the apartment, her steps seemed louder to her than normal, everything just felt fun and exciting, but at the same time, she was worried about losing it...

Jake openly admitting he loved someone wasn't something he often did, Jake had been hurt and backstabbed, he didn't like giving his heart away just to watch it be broken again...Jake joked around and "friend zoned" people a lot just to protect himself, and Erika was learning that and  more about him as a person.

While it should have been a good feeling only to have your boyfriend say they love you and need to see you... Erika felt so guilty she got  queasy, the fun and excitement faded with every step toward Logan's apartment door...

Erika blew some hot nervous air out before she reared her fist back
preparing to knock on the door. There was so much she should be saying to Jake, so many things they should talk about...but it wasn't time for that right? Jake said he needed to see her, she needed to be there for whatever that was, be able to comfort him, not bring him more heartbreak...

"Oh, hey Erika, Jake's in his room" Logan said with a little smile, letting Erika in, startling her out of her thoughts, "Hi Erika" Pam greeted as she walked in, "I'm so happy for you and Jake" She cooed happily, *Oh great, he told his parents...* Erika thought her palms getting sweaty, Pam got up walking over hugging Erika, "Maybe you can get Jake out of his room. with everything happening on the internet, he shut himself away..." Pam told her, her eyes full of concern, "Jake's not worried about what Keemstar said!" Logan defended him, "He's worried about something" Greg challenged back, "He didn't say much when he texted me" Erika told them, "He knows your here?" Pam asked, "Yeah, I told him I was outside" Erika said, feeling herself getting more nervous, she didn't want to come in and make things worse, but she couldn't help but just feel like false hope for Jake and his family at that point...

"Go right in honey, tell us if he's okay when you can" Pam urged her, grateful at least someone would be talking to him, "Sure thing..." Erika stammered. Erika took off her coat, leaving herself in a black tank top, and red booty shorts, she stopped by the bathroom washing her; face, hands and arms, making sure she was clean before heading through the home to Jake's room.
Pam, Greg and Logan's conversation soon got faded out as she got closer to Jake's room...Her heart was beating fast in her chest, and she was beginning to feel light-headed, *Don't feel bad, just talk to him after this is over- you aren't "hiding" anything...you're just waiting for a better time, theirs a time and place for everything...* Erika told herself, before she went into his room.

Jake was laying on his bed, blue pajama pants on along with a white T-shirt, his phone beside him, still on the last messages he and Erika were sending, he was clearly waiting for her, his eyes looked spaced out as he stared at the ceiling, it was Jake, but he didn't much look like himself... something was missing, regardless of how he felt, Jake had a certain air about him, something that screamed ;"ambitious, ready to go, positive!"
But this Jake...He just looked a little sad.

"Hi Jake," Erika said softly, jake looked to her sharply, his face lit up again and he was smiling, That was the Jake face she was use too. "Erika!" Jake cheered sitting up, reaching out his arms automatically, making Erika giggle. Erika walked over getting on the bed hugging him, Jake engulfed her squeezing her close, his arms wrapped around her slender toned waist, Jake pulled her over on top of him a little, hugging her tighter snuggling and nuzzling her, warming her up everywhere...

Erika was soon under a blanket with Jake, both laying on their sides still in each other's arms, their legs tangling together again, Erika's exposed flesh snug to Jake's arms, hands and legs, Jake was scooted down a little more then Erika so he could lay his face in the crook of her neck, while she stroked his back.
Erika didn't know what she was expecting when she came in, but she was happy she came in to that, these nights with Jake and her holding each other were always so intimate to her, so tender and sweet... Erika never worried about her makeup looking perfect, saying or doing anything awkward or wrong when she was actually laying with him, Jake saw her as beautiful and perfect, and she felt that every time he'd look at her like that, and hold her so dearly...

Jake sighed, his warm breath tickling Erika's neck as he snuggling closer to her, Jake knew he was close to having a bit of a breakdown moments ago, he had felt so alone and scared of what was next... Although he knew his family cared for him, he still didn't want to cry and whine to them, they were already doing so much for him, and honestly he knew his Dad would be disappointed seeing him cry, even though he was sick, the "Paul family" mentality was engraved into him, and he had a hard time letting himself show his vulnerability, even in a crisis he felt the need to bottle it all up.
Erika changed that, she was everything to him in that moment, Erika could be out doing anything right now, she was gorgeous, smart, strong, healthy and ready to take on the world. *But she's right here with me.* Jake thought a smile on his face, as he snuggled her again.

They'd been laying in silence for a while just holding each other, Jake grateful Erika didn't rush him to say anything about why he was acting weird on the phone, truthfully Jake was letting himself calm down before really starting to talk to her...she eased the pressure, and taking in another breath, partly to relax, and partly to inhale Erika's unique scent, Jake was finally ready to talk, when something caught his attention now...

"Why do you smell like cologne?" Jake mumbled into her neck, Erika froze, the memory of hugging Aaron before she left flashing through her brain, she'd cleaned herself off just to hold Jake, but hadn't taken a full shower or anything and as she remembered clearly, Aaron's cologne was strong... "It's not cologne, it's prototype perfume from a job, sorry" Erika lied quickly, trying to sound calm, although in her brain she knew it sounded fake, "Oh, your doing a perfume line?" Jake answered back his voice a little lazily, as he had begun getting relaxed and sleepy by now, *He actually believed it?!* Erika thought shocked and nervous, "Yeah, I'm trying to" Erika lied again, *Or maybe it's just me he trusts too much* Another thought came into her head "You're out here killing the game, let's go goat" Jake praised her giving her a little squeeze, Erika smiled...Jake had always been her biggest motivation and fan, and she'd always, even before she learned Jake was interested in her romantically, had been grateful for that...

"So what's the deal with you?" Erika asked, "What do you mean?" Jake muttered back, "Are you alright? What are you gonna do about everyone knowing? Are you gonna respond back?" Erika asked him, she felt Jake tense and she started rubbing his back again till he calmed down, "I wasn't planning on responding, I don't know what to do really... I never responded to the hate or anything like this before and especially now that I'm sick...Like what do I do? I don't even know if I'll be back vlogging" Jake rambled his confession, "What do you mean you don't know? Do you still want to vlog?" Erika asked, "I guess..." Jake said burying his face in Erika's neck a little more. "If you still want to, then why even say you don't know if you'll be back?" Erika questioned him frowning, it wasn't like Jake to doubt himself, if he wanted something he went to get it- No Excuses.

"Erika...I can't-" Jake began speaking before Erika stopped him moving back to look in his eyes, "My Jake Paul doesn't say "can't" my Jake Paul KNOWS he can do anything he sets his mind to, this is just a set back, it's not your forever situation!" Erika told him, Jake stared back into her eyes, soaking in every word she said, letting her slowly remind his brain who he was, with or without cancer...

"I love you" Jake told her making her shut her mouth, shocked he said it without texting this time, Jake leaned in kissing her softly, his lips were gentle, he held her and handled her with care, it wasn't that long of a kiss, but it made Erika blush a deep red stuck staring at Jake after he moved away, smiling at her blushing face.
"Thank you Erika, seriously, I've been feeling like trash lately, I needed this...I needed you" Jake said his voice a bit hushed, as he hugged her again, "I got you, ride or die remember?" Erika reminded him, it only made him hold her closer, while she hugged him back.

Although a sweet moment, Erika's guilt anxiety decided to ruin it, as they fell into that silence again, in which Jake was actually drifting to sleep now still very tired and feeble. *Why didn't you say it back?* was the question that kept her up longer than she anticipated...

A/N: Heyo Friendos! Make sure you follow MadamBird for some more of my writing! 💞