The Last HeartBeat

Chapter 92 Up to Us

Erika got herself back to her apartment, she changed into pajama pants and her bra laying in bed with her fluffy pillows, she had a lamp on creating a soft white light in the otherwise dark room, the tv was on but muted.

Erika felt light headed and dizzy, she couldn't completely comprehend the events of the day herself, she truly felt lost, in a daze almost, life had turned upside down since Jake got sick, and as much as Erika didn't want to admit it, she was feeling like she was losing herself in the sitaution.

In a way Erika felt like she got some closure however, thinking back on everything Jake said, thinking back on the one sided kiss, the way he looked away when she was sent out of the house; Had he fallen out of love? Maybe, but those situations were enough to tell Erika she needed to back off now, she didn't know what the future would bring, or if the love was there for either of them, but it was obvious she wasn't wanted back, and now she needed to focus on herself...

"It was cool seeing everyone" Logan began the conversation, plain and easy, he didn't want the situation to turn into a fight, the last thing he wanted was to fight with his brother especially now. "Yeah," Jake replief, he felt heavy with pressure already, but still he was trying to hide emotion, with everything being so hectic being thrown into the mix of being sick, he really didn't have room to start anything with Logan.

"What did you want to talk about?" Jake asked, he was still curious, but figured if it was only about Erika, he wouldn't bother telling him anyways, the situation was uncomfortable and Logan had been hiding things from him anyways.

"No beating around the bush huh?" Logan chuckled he lightly scooted a chair with his foot to Jake's bed, so he could sit and face his brother. "I'm tired from the party" Jake argued, "Are you tired of that, or me?" Logan asked, he meant for it to be a joke, but knowing he went from Jake calling him his best friend, to now with them holding secrets from each other hurt him...

"I should ask you that," Jake said with a chuckling scoff, "Jake," Logan responded frowning, he scooted closer to the edge of his chair looking at him, "Your my baby brother, I could never be tired of you," Logan assured him, Jake just cast his eyes away, "Hey, I mean that" Logan said with a firm softness.

Jake sighed again closing his eyes, "I wish things were back to normal again...I wanna be back at home, things wouldn't be so bad if I-" Jake began saying, but Logan paused him, "If you could distract yourself? I know being sick sucks, but when Erika came in thats when things really went down hill," Logan said, he tried to keep from sounding as upset as he felt, but it ate away at him what Erika did.

Jake didn't respond, besides his emotions towards Erika, romantic or not, he felt took advantage of after what happened, it was like a wound being reopen just thinking of how weak he felt in that moment...

Logan noticed Jake getting lost in thought, and decided it was time for him to be more open to hopefully break the ice, and lead by example.

"Jake," Logan got his brothers attention, "When I was acting weird and clingy? It was because of a dream- a nightmare I had" Logan began pushing through, he felt his hands going clammy, as the dream began becoming vivid and horrible all over again as he recalled it.

Jake could sense his brother being tense from his body language, so he kept quiet and just listened.

"It was you, you and me, we were "normal" again you pranked me, I chased you," Logan told the story smiling to himself remembering the happy moments, "But then, you got sick, it was like watching you fall apart in front of me...I couldn't do anything, no matter how hard I struggled, I felt, like I felt- I felt-" Logan began stuttering, the voices and images brought him pain, he was almost in a daze being there in that moment again, till Jake broke him out...

"Helpless?" Jake tried, "Yeah," Logan responded shaking his head with a shudder, Logan's hand found its way to Jake's, holding unto it for comfort, knowing he was with him, sick, but Jake nonetheless.

"I didn't want to scare anyone with it" Logan admitted, "You should have told me, bro, everyones scared, Moms scared, Dads scared, my friends are scared, fans-" Jake numbered people off before Logan lightly squeezed his hand, "Are you scared?" Logan asked holding eye contact with Jake, they pierced one another, the warmth they created with their hands clasped, and tense question caused silence for a moment, Logan was trying to be open, but maybe it was too forward for Jake.

"I don't want to die bro," Jake told him, the words made Logan hold him tighter, and Jake wished he kept it in, but it was out there now, Jake's tone wasn't full of despair, but Logan could tell he was hiding strong emotions behind his strength... "I've dreamt about things, thought things...All you can do is think when your all alone," Jake continued, he was feeling more vulnerable speaking up, but not terrified, it was painful to say without tearing up, but he felt better sharing with Logan, and connecting with him.

"I should be in here more," Logan said frowning with worry, "No, its not your fault, your still busy Logan, its like you said; I can't hide from my thoughts, I gotta embrace all that I'm feeling, and if I'm still strong after that, at least I wasn't faking it..." Jake replied thoughtfully.

"What are you feeling now?" Logan ventured, Jake looked away again, "Hurt? Confused, a lot of uncertainty..." Jake said, Logan nodded, "How about we have some dinner, and talk more later?" Logan suggested not wanting to push him too much, "Yea..." Jake agreed feeling relieved, Logan rubbed his hand with his thumb before leaving.

Logan felt a little off, but he felt better getting that nightmare off his chest, hearing Jake struggled with them too was concerning though, but at leant they were able to communicate better now, there were still things he was sure both wanted to share, but right now they were taking baby steps...