It's been about 3 1/2 weeks since everything happened. I'm so in love with Kaelani she's the only thing that's keeping everything going right now. Izzy still hasn't woken up but we're not giving up on him. Dave's been here but when he's here he's not here. Not with me at least.
I had woken up a little early to start Kaelani's bottles while she was still asleep. I finished breastfeeding and put her extra milk in the refrigerator. I sat on the couch kicking my feet up while I still had the chance.
30 minutes later I heard Kaelani's soft cries in her bedroom. I grabbed her bottle that I had put in the steamer a couple minutes ago and headed up stairs. "Hi mommy's baby, are you ready to eat" I said picking her up. I noticed she was a little wet so I went ahead and changed her diaper. As I was putting it on Dave walked in.
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"Good morning" I said to him with a slight smile. "Wassup, how's daddy baby doing" he said directing his attention on Kaelani. He picked her up and grabbed the bottle sitting in her rocking chair. I watched them for a couple minutes admiring the bond they had already. I walked out going back to our bedroom to lay down.
I haven't really been feeling myself lately, after the baby my body went through different stages. Dave kind of just looks at me without saying anything like he's not happy with what he sees. I don't really like to get naked in front of him anymore, I don't want him to be disgusted with what he sees.
Dave walked in with the baby on his chest getting in the bed. This little girl is going to be so spoiled I thought to myself. "Any updates on Izzy?" I asked him. He looked down at Kaelani shaking his head. It was like he thought he had to go through this alone and he doesn't.
I scooted next to him trying to be under him, I even leaned in for a kiss but he moved his head. "Amour please not right now" he said looking at the tv. See what I mean we don't touch and we barely talk only if it's about the kids. I completely understood what he was going through as far as his brother. I just wish we could go through it together, I check on him every chance I get but I don't get anything in return.
I moved back to my side of the bed feeling rejected. I couldn't lay next to him knowing nothing was the same. I got out the bed and headed to the bathroom locking the door. I begin to take off my clothes and start the shower. I looked in the mirror and tears instantly came to my eyes. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin anymore. I knew it was just baby weight but getting zero attention from your man after you have a baby makes you question a lot about yourself.
I took my shower and put my hair in a bun. I got out doing the rest of my hygiene and putting my clothes on. I unlocked the door seeing Dave on his phone. "I'm going too see Jayda I'll be back in a few, she has bottles in the fridge." He didn't say anything no be safe or even a I love you just a head nod.
I got to Jaydas ringing the door bell. She didn't take long to answer. I needed to talk to her about everything going on. Maybe she could help me understand anything I'm not.
"Where is my baby?" She said making me laugh. "Girl with her daddy, you know he not letting her go" I told her sitting down on the couch. "What's going on wit you? You look stressed" she said putting Chosen in his play pin. I looked down shaking my head. "Did you deal with any changes after you had Chosen?" I asked " oh girl yes me and Dez did I mean we cried together and everything" she said.
"Why? You ok?" She asked. I shook my head no crying " You know everything that's going on with Izzy and then with the baby, Dave just hasn't been the same. Like you said you and Dez went through it together but with Dave it's different, he doesn't touch me kiss me we barely talk and when he first seen me naked he just looked at me like I wasn't myself the Amour he fell for." I told her.
"I know hes going through a lot but I wish he'd tell me. It's like I'm alone or something, he plays with the girls and that's it." I told her wiping my tears. She moved closer to me rubbing my back. "Amour your not wrong for feeling alone, your going through changes and you need him. It's understandable, just give him time you know he'll come around. That man loves you with everything in him. Honestly Dez hasn't been the same either since Izzy." She said.
"But Jayda y'all have each other and you didn't just have a baby" I told her. "Yeah your right" she said. Dez walked downstairs looking at the both of us. "Everything alright?" He asked. "Yeah um ima get out of here I was gone see Izzy before I went back home" I said getting up. Jayda walked me to the door giving me a long hug. "If you need me call me" she said as I was leaving.
I got in the car heading to the hospital. When I had made it Jania was sleeping beside him. I didn't wanna wake her so I just rubbed Izzys hand sitting with him for a minute and then deciding to leave. He actually looked a little better like his color was coming back to him. I got some food and headed back to home. I knew everyone was going to be ready to eat something by the time I made it back.
Izzy looking better👏🏾 Will Dave and Amour talk? Or will they let their problems pile up 👀
