STAR TREK IMAGINES

Commander William T. Riker

A/n: another pouring out of my grief/venting. Discussions of Grief/guilt. Please do not read if any of that is triggering for you.

Silently gasping as your throat tightened harder and harder- tears rushing past your nose onto the soft bedding underneath you.
The headphones blasting music over your ears shifted slightly revealing the silence to you again. Silence that choked you worse than the tears.
A few material objects scattered around you on the bed, that's all the most important woman in your life had been reduced too, even having them this close to you screamed that message back to you over and over again.
The one person who supported you, with unquestioned faith.
The one person who saw every ounce of your potential and was waiting patiently in your corner to cheer you on.
Gone. And no explanation why she had to go.
You jumped slightly when a pair of arms gently wrapped around your waist, but when you recognized Will through your tear-stained blur- you turned, burying your face in his neck.
He remained silent, knowing that if he wasn't here, you'd be suffering alone- falling into a dark, dark place.
Maybe Dark would be the only apt way to describe the feelings in your head, but it was all too much to put a word on it. You thought you'd been in a dark place for almost your whole life, but compared to what you feel now most of your past feels like butterflies and rainbows.
Everyone has that period though, that period of their lives untouched by the darkness of the real world, and even though you'd lose the person you are now- the one you had to go through all of the awkward and uncomfortable phases to get through, she'd still be here, her time wouldn't be over yet.
Will didn't even try to take off your headphones, he waited until you removed them yourself, sitting up suddenly and taking the objects off the bed, you didn't make it far before his arms wrapped around you- stopping you.
"I'll put them away, I remember where you like them I promise"
He whispered, his hands cupping your cheeks as he stood.
"...ok I trust you"
You mumbled, not realizing how broken your voice would sound.
As you sat back down, Will seemed to put them away at the speed of light eager not to leave your side for too long. On the other hand, you were wishing for a guide book to grief and in the moment- the wave of guilt hit you harder than you expected.
No tears came from you this time though, your body so overwhelmed by the intensity of it, that you couldn't do anything.
Even though you heard it over and over again, you couldn't have stopped it, nothing would change it.
Just 5 minutes, that's all. 5 minutes to spill out whatever words could come from your tired throat, to hear them laugh, to hear an apology about a shitty afternoon, to hear them tell one more story about something so long before you were born you weren't even a concept in anyone's minds. Just 5 more minutes.
As you wondered if that was too much to ask for, the bed dipped beside you and Will rejoined you, briefly shaking you from the darkness.
Both of you adjusted until you were comfortable, your arms wrapped around him and his around you.
You wouldn't be able to hear her anymore, but somewhere, somehow, she'd still be cheering for you with all the pride in the world.