STAR TREK IMAGINES

Captain James T. Kirk

A/n: Talks about grief and depression, today was my moms birthday and I just needed to get out what I was feeling, I'm sorry if anything anything I mention is triggering please do not read further if it is.

Tears stung in your eyes, your hand tightly secured over your mouth trying to hide your sobs.
Jim snored softly, contrasting your tense body, you could reach over, gently tap his shoulder and pour out the ache in your heart.
No, no, no.
He would turn away, he would ignore it, what makes Jim Kirk so special from everyone else, who wouldn't give two shits if you were breaking down in front of them, when you could go for weeks pretending like you were happy.
Let him in, let him in, let him in, your mind screeched out at you, lashing back at you like everyone else did.
The hellish wave of grief wrecked you, in ways you couldn't speak of to the world. The one person in the world who was always obligated to love you, and did it regardless was gone.
Standing up slowly, you crossed the room and entered the restroom, allowing the moment the door shut for your pain to take center stage.
You couldn't be loud, but you had plenty of practice with crying quietly, hell people had walked past you crying hard- and not batted an eye.
'Thud'
Your breath slowed considerably, waiting for a second before you turned on the sink.
Water, water always calms you.
The door still slid open, revealing a sleepy Jim who was watching you, clearly concerned when you'd suddenly disappeared.
When you looked up in the mirror, too many tears had fallen in this night for you to sob once again. Instead, the moment you turned, apologies tumbled from your lips.
You didn't need to apologize, you knew that, you knew that, but in the back of your mind the same voice screamed to you 'no! no! You can't crumble now! He can't see you like this'
Jim wordlessly wrapped his arms around you.
"I'm here for you, it will be okay"
He squeezed you slowly, reaching for the towel on the counter and wiping away the water on your chin.
"No- no it won't be okay, how is it going to be okay, I can't make it okay, I'm supposed to"
"No, no, no, you don't have too"
Your energy was dwindling, to the point where you couldn't argue back.
"You aren't alone anymore my love."
He mumbled, taking both of his hand and cupping either side of your face.
"I can't do it anymore either"
You both smiled a little, for a moment, the clouds cracked open and in slipped sun-light.
Jim slid his hands under your arms, pulling you closer to him.
"Next time, wake me up- please, if I get upset in the moment, I know you can get lost in your pain but I want to pull you back, I need to. I can't loose you too"
Now it was Jims turn, his voice cracking, his eyes turned red as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.
Two broken lovers held each other in pain, but regardless they walked back towards the world like nothing was wrong, like nothing could break them. Maybe it was all a lie, but in the moment the demons of the world, desperate to pull at your heart, to take what was left of you and break you over and over again, meant nothing.