Hermittpad Community Recap

not an actual recap

made by: @KingChocoFacialHair aka Smutler

Ok so this isn't a recap, I'm sorry- this is Smutler (me) being really stressed about there not being a recap 7 so I just decided to try to make some people smile. I hope this makes ya happy- I think we all need some cheering up since the world is such a pile of sadness and horror right now. I love you all, never forget it. <3

Don't tell the other recap members I did this ok-? Adri MIGHT kill me.

Hope yall enjoy uwu (this is a one time thing)

FIRST, WAYS TO ENTER A ROOM:

1. "I'm here and queer!~"

2. Make way I am gay!~"

3. Burst into a room and point a finger gun at the person inside and dramatically and yell, "FREEZE YOUR UNDER ARREST."

If they say something like, "What- why?" Then respond with, "For stealing my heart."
If they don't- well time for improv everyone.

4. "Well this week has been a scooter to the ankle."

5. "I'M STRESSED, DEPRESSED, AND I NEED SOME REST WOOT WOOT-"

6. "Remember when Dreamworks made a fish sexy-?"

7. Okay so I've done this one once or twice, it's great. So put on the halo theme song- ok? You with me? And burst open the door with that song playing. And every time the person in the room looks away from you, move closer. Like a little bit closer. ITS GREAT OK TRY IT- 

8. "wHATS UP F--KERS-"

9. "Me again, I like men-" (This is for straight females, gay men, bisexual and pansexual aND EVERYTHING YOU ALL CAN USE THIS I LOVE YOU ALL)

10. "FBI OPEN UP-"

11. "Come down and get some corn, or we will sacrifice your newborn-"

12. "Oh no... oh no.... OH YEAH!~" Basically just say Oh No the closer you are to the door, then burst it open while yelling OH YEAH

13. Ok so wait until the person inside the room says "Some", and then burst into the room screaming, "-BODY ONCE TOLD ME-" 

14. "Self care is breaking into NASA and launching yourself into the void." (I'm joking please don't do this I love you all you better not-)

15. I'm just using this space to say that I love Biffcat

16. "WELL THEN- TIME FOR PLAN Q EVERYONE-"

17. "Oh my god I'm so gay."

18. "P H O T O S Y N T H E S I S." While laying on the ground moving your arms up and down.

19.  If you walk into the room and trip, yell, "WELL TIME TO ADD GRAVITY TO MY LIST OF ENEMIES-"

20. can i also appreciate ninja right now-? ninja is great- I make ninja worry way to much for my health now that i think about it-

21. can i also appreciate the hermittpad team for dealing with my bullsh-t? Like seriously thank you guys-

22. "EXMCSCUSE ME WHAT THE F--K?!"

23. "GET OUT OF THE TRASHCAN THATS MY HOUSE NOT YOURS-"

24. "I left. For. 2 minutes."

25. "KSKSKSKSKSKSKS KILL THE TURTLES- I'M JOKING THEY ARE REALLY COOL ANIMALS-" Then dramatically yeet a hydroflask.

26. enter a crowded room and start yelling the lyrics of happy birthday and see how many people join in

27. "SO GUESS WHO FOUND OUT THAT CLOTHING HANGERS AREN'T EDIBLE THE HARD WAY?"

28. "mmmmm pROTIEN-" then eat a flower (make sure its not toxic okay)

29. "BIPPITY BOPPITY YOUR ARM IS NOW MY PROPERTY-"

30. just twerk (remember to take this out while editing smutler)

The Real 30. tell the person in the room or yourself how much they are worth everything and how you'll do everything for them- here ill even list off a bunch of things to tell them:

Elegant, gorgeous, ideal, lovely, stunning, radiant, exquisite, fair, fetching, delicate, divine, dazzling, enticing, enthralling, magnificent, resplendent, mesmerizing, charming, captivating, adorable, alluring, kindly, good-natured, kind-hearted, tender-hearted, warm-hearted, soft-hearted, good-hearted, tender, caring, feeling, affectionate, loving, warm, gentle, mellow, mild. considerate, helpful, thoughtful, obliging, unselfish, selfless, altruistic, good, cooperative, accommodating, attentive.


NEXT, VERY CREATIVE JOKING INSULTS:

-limp lettuce 
-constipated mongoose
-sour grape
-baby shark lookin meanie-
-meanie pants on fire
-duplicated clothing hanger
-unhydro hydroflask
-you untapeable tape
-the other eye in a drawing
-RoOD
-yOU LITTLE UNIDRAGON-
-Half-Drowned Moose 
-Drowning Fish
-No-coconut palm tree
-Unripe guacamole 
-Orange watermelon rine
-Breathing rock
-Uncultured t shirt
-Instead of insulting them just twerk (remember to take this off the list when editing smutler)
- Cold blanket
-Sweaty Sombrero

NEXT UP, SMUTLER BEING POSITIVE AND SELFCAREY:

Ay- I might be some random teenager online writing smut and being insane, and I most likely don't know whoever you are, the person reading it, but I just wanna say, I love ya man. Whenever you think to yourself that your not worth it, that you shouldn't continue on, imagine me telling you to keep going and encouraging you in the most bizarre ways possible. 

I know alot of you might be in bad conditions right now- and as cliche and sh-t this sounds- It'll get better eventually man. But it can't get better magically without you doing some work. You have to work for everything to brighten up around you. Amazing things won't happen if you wait around for it to happen. Yes- your life is sucky currently maybe. But sometimes, you have to have horrible things happen so you can realize the amazing things in life. 

If you feel like your loosing control of your life- or your feeling sad- I'd suggest taking a shower or a bath, listening to music that you love, dance a little around your room, whisper "Beep boop" under your breath, plug your nose and say "Sneep Snoop" to yourself, yell "BUBBLES" in a really angry voice, eat a small treat, hell, do what makes you happy, whatever makes you feeling alive! (unless that thing is bad- then maybe don't) What I do to cheer myself up is talk to people online. Or usually I go ahead and listen to musicals because ah yes musicals.

I know it's kinda weird for me to be giving this type of advice- I'm not the happiest of people gonna be honest with you all- hell I probably suffer from severe depression or something, but I'm working on myself everyday. And I'm happy to know that people I love and trust are there to help me every step of the way.

So if your feeling sad- down, alone- I'd suggest hopping on the Discord Hermittpad Recap Server. I found so many amazing people on there- hell I met my boyfriend there- (I love you Biffy) along with my best friend (I love ya to Ninja) and so many more people- I really wanna talk about this if you can't tell. We have rant channels- and honestly the community there is really happy and helpful. I don't know how I got on this topic.

And if you don't feel like joining the discord server- go ahead and dm me if you want (my user is at the top of the chapter) or I'd suggest just talking to yourself- figure out your feelings verbally. Or maybe drink some tea- try to catch up on sleep or stop procrastinating on homework if that makes you feel better. Write a random fanfic, just let the words flow out of your fingers. Or you can draw and sketch randomness- just let yourself create and doodle. 

Whatever you all are going through- remember that you got this- even if your not doing so well right now. I believe in you. <3

AND OF COURSE, NEXT IS QUESTIONS TO ASK SOMEONE YOU JUST MET:
(thank you ninja for helping me with this topic)  

-"The weather, eh?"
-"Have you ever thought about how dreamworks made a fish sexy-?"
-"I'm gay, whats your name?"
-"Have you ever been a prime suspect for murders? I've been the prime suspect for 7! BET YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT-"
-"The clouds are looking extra pansexual today, amiright?"
-"Have you ever heard of a detective pirate unicorn pikachu? Would you be interested in buying a painting of one-?"
-"Whats your favorite color?" (mine is lavender uwu)
-"What's your pronouns, sexuality, and stuff like that-? I wanna make sure everything is comfortable between us :D"
-"Hey man you wanna drink some boiled Gatorade like the sophisticated people we are?"
-"Come hither before the gay lords with me?"
-"Have I ever told you how fucking amazing poly relationships are-? Like the amount of love and happiness within one couple is so amazing. And poly cuddles are just yes-
-"Please just consume my funny bone my humor is failing me. Please-?"
-"Can you please take me out? With a gun or on a date doesn't matter, surprise me-"
-"Am I the only one who thinks that lawnmowers are sexy?-"
-"do you ever just wanna flip a dentist chair and walk away-?"


Well- It's been 2 hours and now theres 1400+ words- I've proofread and I'm kinda tired now. Uh- I hope you all enjoyed.

Love you all!~ <3

-Smutler