Redemption |complete| (SasuSaku)

There is something I want to say

(This chapter was inspired by the monologue posted by Yuri Lowenthal (Sasuke's English voice actor). In the speech Sasuke explains his past actions to Sakura. I wanted to incorporate his text to this story so all the credits go to him! Go check out his video and the link is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9JG4Bia09o I added some things to it to make it fit to the chapter. Hope you will like it!)

Sunday, 24th of May. Baby is 8 weeks old.

It was late at night already and Sasuke was still around Konoha. Just after leaving early this morning, he struggled to find the strength to fully leave this place. There was something on his chest, something that he wanted to say but he never did. He had been thinking of saying it for a very long time now, even before he married her but he never found the right moment. He also never found the courage to say it out loud and eventually he forgot about it. He put it on the back of his mind and never really focused on it but for some reason it was stopping him from leaving the village today.

He looked at the moon and wondered if maybe he couldn't leave without saying it because he had a bad feeling about this mission. There was no point in staying here any longer, he was just going to talk to her.

On his way back to her apartment, he hoped with his entire heart that she was asleep. He needed her to be asleep.

He landed just behind the bedroom window and looked inside. Sakura seemed to be asleep. He looked around the room and he saw the baby crib. So she was already struggling with being alone.

The window was slightly opened and Sasuke pushed it to get inside quietly. With a smile for his daughter he walked around the bed to lay on his usual side. He realized just after seeing it, that his old t-shirt became Sarada's blanket. He put down his bag and lay down on his back making sure that he wasn't touching his wife.

"Hey sakura. I know it's late and I know I didn't give you any notice that I was going home tonight but there's been some things on my mind that I wanted to tell you." he took a deep breath and whispered more quietly. "I'm not used to speaking like this. I don't know how to express my feelings. Dammit. And with you turned away from me on the bed right now, I'm not even sure if you're awake. It doesn't matter. If you are awake, don't say anything." her pink hair was covering most of the space between them. Sasuke took a strand of it and looked at it as he continued talking. "And if you aren't asleep then this will be some part of a beautiful dream." he chuckled feeling a bit stupid.

"I often dismissed you. But that was because I was afraid of my feelings for you. I didn't want you to get in the way of my quest for revenge. My mission. I was mean to you because I liked you. Look at me and Naruto." he put the hair back on the mattress. His fingers tapped his belly anxiously. " The forehead thing was silly. I love your forehead. You were a healer and I was a destroyer. We balance each other out. In fact without my sharingan, your genjutsu is much more powerful than mine." he was referencing the power that she had over him. How she became the main thing that he was thinking about. It felt like he was under a genjutsu that she controlled. He stopped for a minute to get his thoughts together.

"I pushed everyone away but you always gave me all your love. You're not annoying and I forgive you for what you said about Naruto not having parents." he rolled his eyes at the memory. It was so long ago that he couldnt remember everything about it. " When you touch me, I blush. I can't control it. But I could ignore it. You saw that I wasn't as cold hearted as I needed to be. And I couldn't have anyone see that. People saw it as a weakness. I opened up to you about my past I don't know why, you make my body move on it's own. I'm not always in control around you. You confuse me." he wanted to touch her. To caress her face, to pass his arm around her waist and to keep her close but he couldn't. He couldn't because she wasn't supposed to wake up.