Quantum: The Complete Series

Chapter 3: Ships, Ships, Ships

A few days after the encounter with Desti and the Octoposse, Mario and Luigi are hanging out at the castle playing games with Tari.

Tari: Ha! I beat you again.
Mario: (Majorly Depressed) Oh-No. Not again.
Come on Tari, this is the 247th time you beat me in a row.
Tari: Oh come on, Mario. You'll get better at the game soon enough.
Mario: But-but.
Tari: I guess it is quite hard to beat me because of this meta-arm.
Mario: Maybe you should just cut it off and try again.
Tari: N-No, Mario. That would really hurt.
Luigi: (enters room with a picture frame) Hey Mario.
Mario: Luigi, what do you want?
Luigi: (holds up picture) what is this that I found at our house?
Mario: (Eyes widen) uh-uh nothing, Luigi. Nothing.

Mario takes the picture from Luigi and examines it. It's a picture taken recently of himself and Meggy standing side by side over the splatfest arena.

Mario: See Luigi? It's nothing (chucking it away)
Luigi: That's not what I meant. It's okay for you to have a picture of your friends. But you had the picture by your bedside.
Tari: What? Mario has a picture of Meggy by his bedside?
Mario: Guys STFU! It's really nothing.
Luigi: Oh I think it is something, Mario.
Mario: (enters retard mode) Pingas.
Luigi: God dammit.
Tari: Luigi, it's really probably that Mario and Meggy are close friends.
Luigi: No. There's definitely something going on between the two, and I intend on getting to the bottom of it before the situation escalates.
Mario-
Mario: Bye Luigi, imma out of here.
Luigi: Aww sh**

Mario leaves the room of the castle and runs into SMG4 and Saiko on his way out.

SMG4: -and then you take this knife and you-
Mario: (interrupting SMG4's disturbing lesson on how to cook memes) SMG4, there you are, I need to ask you something.
SMG4: Really Mario? Why interrupt me? I am teaching Saiko to cook these sexy memes.
Saiko: (Snoring in her chair)
Mario: Ooooooo. Mario doesn't think you are doing a very good job if Saiko's asleep.
SMG4: (clearly annoyed) Mario, if you're not here to watch me cook these sexy memes, then get out of here.
Mario: Actually I am here to talk about something, personal.
SMG4: (Bounding off the chair he was on and listening closely) Well, Well, looks like Mario is having relational troubles.
Mario: Wha!? How did you know?
SMG4: I know all- Wait, I was right?
Mario: (Facepalming) Sh**
SMG4: Who's the lucky girl Mario? Come on, who is it? Who is it? I'm not gonna stop asking until you tell me!

After 163 times of SMG4 repeatedly asking about who the "lucky girl" was, Mario finally broke and told him, knowing that it would spark a reaction of events that might haunt him for eternity.

Mario: (giving up and speaking quietly) Meggy.
SMG4: Who?
Mario: (Louder) Meggy.
SMG4: (Dumbfounded, then laughing hysterically) Really!? You!? Meggy!? No way! That's not even possible. She hates your guts.
Mario: (Cutting him off) actually, that's you and Bob.
SMG4: (stops talking and rethinks his life) oh.
Mario: Well, do you got any advice?
SMG4: what kind of advice? How to make baby Marios?
Mario: (Euphoric for a second, then disgusted) What!? No! I need advice on how to handle a situation that Luigi and Tari are putting me in.
SMG4: Well, speak.
Mario: They were saying "I ship them" on my way out.
SMG: (freezes. visibly distraught) Oh hell no. (Putting a reassuring arm on Mario's shoulder) it was nice knowing you buddy. You're never getting out of this now that people know.
Mario: First off, we are not "buddies".
SMG4: (enters depressed mode)
Mario: Second, why is "shipping" so dangerous?
SMG4: (ignoring the fact that Mario doesn't want to be his friend) Shipping is dangerous because once someone starts it, it's a never ending boat of love until either one person kills the other, or they are in love together for the rest of eternity!
Mario: Well, better go kill myself-
Saiko: (waking up) Mario's gonna kill himself!? Can I watch?
SMG4: No. no ones killing themselves today. (As he thinks about taking his own life over the fact that no one wants to be his friend)
Mario: Aww man, but I don't want to be shipped with Meggy.
Saiko: Mario? Shipped? With, Meggy?

SMG4 and Mario back off expecting her to blow and attack.

Saiko: You know, I ship it too.
Mario: :/ so you're not going to murder me?
Saiko: If I wanted to I would've already done it.
(Luigi and Tari enter the room along with Bob and Meggy).
Bob: Hey bitches. What shit do we have to save world from now?
SMG4: No this is not a saving the world event again. We already took on Waluigi last year, and dealt with your shenanigans last Christmas, Bob.
Bob: Sure, whatever, SMG4.
Meggy: Why exactly am I here? I could be training for splatfest right about now.
SMG4: Well, Mario has something to say.
Mario: (Bewildered) I do?
SMG4: Yes. You do. Tell everyone what we think is going on.
Mario: No. I don't wanna.
SMG4: (standing menacingly over Mario) god dammit Mario. Tell everyone or I'll make your day worse than it already is.
Meggy: (angered by the sight of Mario in trouble) SMG4! Stop it, leave him alone! Give him time to think about what to say.
Mario: (after a minute, Mario enters retard mode) Pingas.
SMG4: that won't work Mario.
Mario: No. god dammit.
Meggy: (chiming in) you know, I think he's a bit nervous with all of us crowding around him like this.
Luigi: Yeah, alright.

Everyone takes a couple steps back, leaving Mario, SMG4 and Meggy in the center.

Meggy: Well I'll get back too-
SMG4: No! Stay here!
Meggy: (confused) why?
SMG4: uh, uh, because Mario has AIDS.
Meggy: (jumping back a step) WHAT THE F*** SMG4!?
Mario: No SMG4. I don't have the AIDS. I have been (pauses for a moment) ...shipped.
Bob: really? With who?
Mario: rather not say.
Luigi: Meggy, take a look at this.

Luigi hands Meggy the picture that he found earlier that morning by Mario's bedside. The picture was framed in a smooth wood frame.

Meggy: Aww, it's nice. But how did you get this?
SMG4: she admits it! She loves Mario!
Meggy: Wait what!?
Bob: Who knew? Meggy has been Mario's bitch this whole time.
Saiko: Did he break your heart or something?
(Boopkins standing in a nearby corner, looking at Saiko with displeasure).

Everyone starts talking at once cornering Mario and Meggy. Just when Mario couldn't take it anymore. He confessed:

Mario: Okay fine! I originally had the picture to tell me that I've known Meggy for 3 years now.
Meggy: Mario. Is this what this is all about?
Mario: (quickly) I had the frame next to my bedside for the past few nights!

Everyone gasps. Meggy stands still, wondering why everyone now has their eyes on her.

Meggy: so what? Mario has a picture of me in his bedroom, what's so bad about that?
SMG4: he probably has something to say.
Saiko: I think there's a secret relationship behind all our backs.
Luigi: Please don't tell me where you were three nights ago.
Tari: (silent)
Bob: I think he jacks off to you.
Meggy: (still and silent) Bob. Seriously?
Bob: Wot? I can't state my opinion?
Mario: Not like that Bob.
Bob: god dammit. Why does everything I say backfire so badly?
Meggy: Bob, you don't have a filter for your mind.
Bob: What the hell is that?
SMG4: Everyone, quiet. What I think is going on here from what I heard. (Imaginary drumroll) I think Mario and Meggy have been...

A tense pause looms over the foyer of the castle. Mario and Meggy stand still hoping that what SMG4 has to say isn't a load of sh**.