Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

6: Regrets

University is overrated as fuck.

Or maybe I just had problems.

It had been two weeks and I was still too afraid to make friends. I had Lily, Alex, Blue and others back home thankfully but I just wished i had friends here. I was regretting moving away so badly because of how alone I was. I pushed my plate away before going on my phone and texting Blue.

You free?

Blue🫐: yeah!! wanna ft?

Please

"Hey!! Whats up?" Blue spoke cheerfully.
"Uhh a lot. How are you?" I asked.
"Im alright I just finished my homework"
"Oh cool how did it go?"
"It was so long ugh I love uni but I hate uni work. Whats up with you though?"
"I think I regret going uni..."
"What!? Oh my god, why?" They asked in a concerned tone.
"I haven't really made any friends yet and Im worried"
"Oh nooo queen you got this! Maybe talk to people around you or join a club!"
"They haven't announced all that yet...ugh Blueeee, I don't know what to dooooo"
"I love the rhyme but hang in there! You'll meet your people eventually! Join some FaceBook chats or something"
"Good idea...how's it going for you though?"
"Me and my flat mates are having a party tonight! Samara bought some drinks so we're gonna get sooooo drunk. Maybe watch a movie or get an early night!"
"Might just have to...ughhh. But you should visit soon. I know it costs a bomb to come here so I'll pay part of the cost if you want"
"Aw, you don't need to-yeah? Right now? Coming!" Blue turned to me and sighed. "I gotta go - apparently we're starting now. Text me though"
"I will! Have fun, love you bestie!"
"Love you more queen!" I mentally cringed at the word 'queen' before I ended the call.

I had many regrets in my life and I never imagined that one of them would be moving out.

My regrets in life started at my childhood...I regret befriending many people, not sticking up for myself, letting people walk over me. It ascended to my teen years where I regret putting people in their places, having a first kiss, choosing the right friends...its all led up to the final boss where I have regrets going to university.

But sometimes I didn't regret things because I realised they impacted my life positively. I don't regret seeing Panic! in concert, despite them being extremely problematic now - I saw them whilst they were viewed as good in my eyes and now I know they have banging shows I wont attend ever again - not giving my money to bad bands. I don't regret trying edible as I know never to have them ever again. I don't regret buying platform shoes because they give me confidence.

Snap out of it Zahra. You're going to be alone for a long time if you don't fix up.

I picked up my plate and threw away my food for the fifth evening in a row. I was meant to be having fun with my friends for life but instead I was sitting in my flat feeling sorry for myself.

Welcome to the life of Zahra Mahraj.