Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

52: Hard but worth it

ZAHRAS POV

happy one month <3 i love you see you this weekend :')

You heard right. It was Harry and I's one month.

I love you too gorgeous. Have the best day! See you tomorrow night ;)

Ah yes, he came Friday evenings. I put my phone down, grabbed my bag and checked I had everything before picking up all my stuff and leaving my flat.

"Morning love, how're you?" Lav asked, hugging me.
"Eh. I didn't sleep well but its Harry and I's one month" I replied.
"Aww! Hey, thats so crazy 'cos its Elle and I's three month today!"
"What!? That's so weird! But cool - what are you doing for it?" I pondered as we walked down the hallway.
"Picnic by the sea front then I'm gonna rail her. You?"

I forgot how unashamed Lav was.

"I'm not sure. Probably a quiet night in. We've both been really stressed out lately so when we're together we just cuddle and do stuff indoors"
"Aw, well that sounds good. Oh also Arrow was looking for you? She wanted to speak to you"
I felt a pit of anxiety in my stomach.
"Oh uh about what?"
"I dunno but he seemed worried about you. Oh, there he is now!" We spotted Arrow at his locked and she smiled when we walked over. "Hello beauties. How are we doing?" He asked.
"Both our anniversaries today so we're both happy. You?" Lav asked.
"Tired. But eh, when am I not?" She grinned. "You got a minuet Zahra?"
"Uh yeah!" I stammered.
"See you both later" Lav gave us each a hug and scampered off to class.

"How're you?" Arrow asked kindly.
"Miss my boyfriend" I replied.
"The attachment issues" He teased me.
"Shut up! How're you?" I laughed.
"Im alright. Been worried about you?"
"Oh why's that?"
"Our last conversation"

For fuck sake.

"I'm good, don't worry!" I replied.
"Are you sure?" She asked in a concerned tone. "Yeah. Stressed 'cos uni but eh"
"Look I'm gonna be blunt but I think you should get tested for BPD"
"W-what?"
"You have some symptoms and it's clear you have anxiety and depression and stuff but BPD is some serious shit and it can be dangerous if you dunno how to cope"
"Look, I appreciate your concern but I'm fine"
"That's what everyone says but what if stuff gets too much and you do something? Mate, I see how you act all the time and how you cope with life. Please just...get some help"

Oh god.

"I'll be fine. Okay? I got some good friends and an amazing lover"
"Could you tell him we had this conversation?"
"Um why?"
"Just do it. Uh bye. Oh by the way I'm still enby but only he him pronouns" He scampered off quickly to his lesson, leaving me there confused. My phone buzzed whilst I was staring causing me to take it out of my pocket.

harry <3: Would it be okay if I came over today instead ? I'm not doing well and need company- if not it's okay by the way. I know you're at uni so reply when you can

My angel.

its okay you can come over early! my lectures only an hour or two anyway so i'll come back straight away and i'll bring u a vanilla latte w a shot of caramel syrup <3

harry <3: I love you so much angel

harry <3: See you later, stay safe.

i love you more!!!

I smiled at my phone before sliding it in my pocket and walking into my classroom which was next door. Delilah wasn't in today but it was fine because we were just doing independent work and working on our presentations so I put my earphones in and got to work.
"How are we doing Zahra?" Giovanni asked me.
"Fine thanks" He'd been really mean to me lately so I was weary. He's still fucking gorgeous though and Harry agreed.
"I hate this mans guts but he's soooo handsome" He'd told me when I showed him how he looked.
"He'd look pathetic standing next to you though" I'd replied.

Back to the current situation.

"How are you in general though, other than your work?" He asked.
"Oh I'm great! Yeah I'm good" I gabbled.
"Mhm" He walked off to the next person before I put my earphones back in my ears. I texted Delilah and checked if she was alright too as I was pretty worried.

hey there delilah: yeah im ok i just had a bit of a disagreement w arrow today and he wont talk to me and idk it messed w my mh :/

i hope ur gonna be ok :( i saw him this morn he seemed okay if that helps??

hey there delilah: thanks for telling me i was worried. i'm gonna try call him later i love you

i luv u 2 :)) stay safe and call me if u need me!

For someone which shit mental health, I did perform well academically. To be fair I had my reasons though.

I didn't really speak to anyone in my class. I was always referred to as "Harry Styles' Girlfriend" which made me feel pride but sad because no one could be bothered to learn my name even though I've been at uni for a few months. Someone even tried asking me for Harrys autograph but I told her Harry was in Italy and she tweeted it straight away. Harry understood why I did it and knew it was difficult. He didn't go out for a week just so I wouldn't get attacked online. I cried for days over racist hate comments and speculation about me to the point I deleted my Instagram and Twitter for good and made a new Instagram and didn't even display my name. It was private and small and Harry did follow it but due to its level of anonymity, no one suspected a thing.

It was hard but worth it. I loved him too much.

The bell rang and I quickly shut my laptop lid and threw it in my bag before following my classmates out the door.

Time to get Starbucks and see my lover.