Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

13: Delilahs Breakdown

What's the word when everything's come crashing down on you to the point you wont leave your bed due to the existential crisis of your life?

Who the fuck knows?

I rolled over again and stared at my wall which had my crazy drawings plastered all over them. I had so many texts that I hadn't replied to but how could I reply when i was this drained out? My eyes swivelled over to the pile of homework on my desk - the one thing I despised about university was the workload. I usually sat in the library doing it if I couldn't focus but I didn't even want to leave my bed.

I picked my phone up again to see it was the afternoon. I sighed before I unlocked my phone and went onto Snapchat to find that I had memories from the past few years. I tapped away casually to see cute memories from London with all my old friends which made a smile grow on my face - I adored them and always would. But then a familiar face came into view and I felt my heart begin to race as memories surfaced to the top of my head. I blinked back tears as I turned off my phone.

I hated crying. I hadn't cried in years which was definitely a bad thing but for some reason, i did not care. Crying alone meant I felt more lonely and ashamed and crying to someone made me feel like a charity case. I wasn't that in touch with my emotions anymore and I kept saying I'd get better but I only got worse.

I longed to cry on someone. All I wanted to do was let out all my emotions and overshare about all my struggles and traumas like there was no tomorrow...but how could I? I hated talking about myself and always felt guilty even mentioning the slightest detail about myself. Did I really hold that much self hatred in my heart? Yes, yes I did - and who could blame me when the world was such a torturous place?

Eventually, I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I slipped on an oversized Chloe Moriondo sweater and some fluffy socks before I went to order breakfast as once again, I did not want to cook. I chose McDonalds this time and selected the pancakes with maple syrup before I went to make myself some coffee. I put my Ashe record on and let her stunning voice fill my tiny flat as I boiled the kettle. I hummed along to the music as I brushed my hair and clipped some of it back, the sound of my white Asda kettle drowning out Ashes voice. I took my time adding the granules, syrup and sugar to my Animal Crossing mug before pouring the water in carefully. I then added the cream and stirred before I heard banging on my door. I dashed to open it to see my food had arrived so I handed the man £2 (tipping as per usual), thanked him, took the bag and closed the door.

I turned off my music and sat on the floor watching Friends as I dug into my breakfast which tasted exquisite as per usual. The pancakes were warm and soft while the maple syrup was sticky yet tasted like heaven on my tongue. I chewed slowly on my food, my eyes glued to the screen before my phone rang. I paused the show and picked it up to see Delilah was calling me. I pressed answer and put her on speaker as I took a large gulp of my coffee.
"Heyy. What's up?" I asked.
"Um hi" They sniffled - ah, she was sad. "C-can I come over?"
"Yeah of course. You alright?"
"Uhh no not really. See you in ten" The call ended so I tossed my phone aside and carried in watching TV.

Fifteen minuets later, Delilah was sitting on my peach rug sobbing. I tossed my rubbish away and got her a glass of water before asking them if she was alright.
"M-my girlfriend dumped me" She sniffled, her black eye liner running down her rosy cheeks - they was very pale but their blusher always brightened her up. They still looked intimidating however due to her eye brows and resting face but she was always looking pretty.
"You had a girlfriend!?" Why was I jealous? I was literally straight and Harry had been my celebrity crush in my teen years - what was the envy I was feeling?
"Uh yeah we kept it on the DL. Anyway...she um told me to cut off my boy bestfriend backhome and when I-i said no she told me to fuck off and never speak to her again"
"Why did she tell you to cut him off?" I asked her as I bit into a cookie - I was starving.
"S-she thought I would cheat on her even though I-i'm a lesbian"
"Your ex lacks communication and trust - she's not worth it"
"B-but-" Delilah was clearly blinded by their love for this girl to see the truth.
"No buts. She's trash, end of. It's also controlling af (yes I said 'af') of her to tell you to cut off your best friend - bit messed up"
"I love her though" She whimpered.

"I know y' do but you'll get over it. C'mon, what d'you wanna eat? I'll order you food and we can watch a film" I grabbed my phone and went onto JustEat while Delilah sniffled away, clutching her glass.
"Um, M-McDonalds"
"Okay, McDonalds it is. I'll get y' some pancakes and...I'll get me some more"
"Zahra...thank you. This means a lot to me"
"Happy t' help. Bathrooms next to my bed if you need t' go" I replied as I put my phone down. "Need a hug?"
"Uh no, I-i don't like hugs"
"Same...they're weird, aren't they?"