Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

56: Back to Uni

Harry packed his suitcase and left that afternoon. He wasn't going back to London yet as he wanted time alone out of the city. I remember I was sobbing on the porch and he wanted to comfort me but I ran back into the house and slammed the door. He was truly gone.

I'd cried for hours after he's gone and smashed my phone. The next day he'd dropped off all my things. I wanted to apologise for yelling at him and beg him to come back but I was also so fucking angry. But he saw my tear stained cheeks, red eyes and scratched arms and asked if I was alright and my response was shutting my door and bawling my eyes out. I'd missed days if university and my friends came knocking many times but I didn't answer.

Today however I really had to go into uni. I secretly kept one of Harrys hoodies to bring me comfort but putting it on just made me sob.

u forgot a hoodie. key under the plant pot just go in and get it whilst I'm in class I texted him.

harry <3:  Keep it, dont worry

i don't want it and im not worrying

harry <3: Okay, I'll get it today. Hope you're okay

I put my smashed phone down and got ready into a sweater and jeans before brushing my hair, slipping my vans on and walking out of my house. I lit my cigarette carefully before inhaling as I trudged down the path.

I walked into class earlier than everyone else and sat down. I had a weeks worth of work to catch up on and I was too afraid to ask Delilah for help - I'd isolated myself for a whole week.
"Oh my god Zahra!" I turned my head to see Delilah and Lavender. Lavender had been crying a lot and Delilah rushed to hug me but I got off my chair and stepped away.
"Harry rang me yesterday. I-im so sorry" She said. "How are you?"
"Fine, I guess" I wasn't fucking okay. I'd lost the only person I'd ever truly loved (who fucking betrayed me) and felt emptier than ever.
"You know we're here for you. All the time" Lavender sniffled.
"I just...I need to be alone for a bit. Sorry" I said quietly.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. If space is what you need; we'll give you it. But we got you-have you been smoking?"

For God sake.

"Mhm" I gave in, what was the point lying? I knew Delilah had quit a while ago and juuled now instead.
"Thought I was hallucinating smells again" Delilah replied. "Anyway, I photocopied all my work from this week" They handed me a plastic wallet full of notes. "We're just working on our presentations but we had to do more research"
"Thanks Delilah. I...appreciate this a lot"
"Happy to help. I'm gonna switch my seat if that's okay - wanna give you as much space as you need. But do not isolate yourself. Please text us if you need anything"
"Okay"

And like that, Lavender headed to lesson and Delilah took her seat at the back whilst everyone else filed in. Giovanni walked in to see me and looked quite concerned but just told everyone to get on with their presentations before asking to see me outside:

"Where have you been Zahra? You haven't been in for a week and haven't called in or emailed. This is unacceptable. Im sure Delilah has shared her notes with you but-" He noticed tears forming in my eyes and stopped short. "Are you okay?"
"I broke up with my boyfriend" I didn't want to tell him I had BPD. I was so fucking ashamed and it caused me to loose Harry.
"Oh dear. I'm so sorry" He responded. "How are you managing?"
"Dunno" I shrugged. "Not dead so I guess I'm okay"
"If you need any form of support you can come talk to me or the counsellor or even your friends. Okay?" He gave me a pat on the shoulder before opening the door and letting me in. All eyes were on me, causing my cheeks to heat up. Delilah noticed and pushed her folder off the table so their eyed swivelled to her.
"Why are goths so fuckin' weird?" A boy at the back scoffed.
"Enough Matthew! Everyone get on with your work!" Giovanni scolded him as I sat back down and opened my laptop...to see a note. Harry always left me notes in my laptop and this was the last one I'd ever get - and I hadn't opened mine in a week.

I love you to death
See you soon my darling <3.

I crumpled it up and tossed it in my bag before I put my earphones in and selected Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo.