Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

49: BPD

I awoke the next morning to Harry giving me kisses. On my face, neck, collar bone...simp much?

"Harry get off" I swatted him away tiredly and rolled over.
"No can do love, you're too pretty. Cant resist" he replied. "Also you gotta get up soon"
"Fuck that I'm tired" I mumbled.
"Heyy, I know the last couple of days have been rough but it's a new day and you can try again. And its Friday. You know what that means"

London.

"Okay you win. Wheres my kiss?" I replied. Harry wasted no time in planting a soft kiss on my lips before pulling me up.
"Whens your lesson?" He asked.
"Nine till eleven then I'm gonna sit in the library with Delilah and do my work. Arrow might join us too"
"Well you have fun my love" He responded as I dashed to the bathroom. "I cancelled your train ticket so I can just drive you"
"Thank youuu" I called.

After I finished I got dressed into a green oversized sweater, black oversized pade jeans and my black doc martens. I winged out my eye liner and brushed on my mascara before brushing down my hair and adding a white hair band.
"You look beautiful my love" Harry smiled softly.
"No you" I kissed his head (he was sitting on my bed watching me) and grabbed my bag.
"Can I walk you? Pleaseee?" He pleaded me.
"People will see"
"The world knows we're dating. Who the fuck cares? I wanna walk my  lover to places"
"Soon. Just...not yet. Sorry. Im scared..."
"It's okay. You're allowed to be worried baby. C'mon, you gotta get to uni"
"I start in an hour you whore"

Yeah, last night Harry dropped me and I yelled and called him a whore which made him laugh so...that was now one of his nicknames.
"Okay, well that means I get kisses" He smiled and pulled me forward before planting a few sweet kisses on my lips which I'd smeared Vaseline on. "I love you"
"I love you too white boy" I ruffled his hair before cupping his cheeks with my hands. "You're so handsome.
"Shut up" He scoffed playfully.
"Make me"

Anyway, after we had a little make out session I put my earphones in and made my way to uni. Delilah and Lavender were ecstatic to see me and showered me with hugs before we headed to class - did I mention Lavender switched to Photography?? Yeah, well they LOVE it so that's great. Also, Delilah had done yesterdays notes for me which was lovely. Giovanni didn't even look at me today which hurt but at least he didn't ask me any questions.

Lesson finally ended so Delilah and I met up with her partner Arrow and went to the library. Arrow (she/he) was really kind even though she looked scary. He suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder too and Delilah was really good at helping her and being there so props to them for that!

"So...how are you?" Delilah had gone to the vending machine to get us some snacks so Arrow was making talk.
"Uh yeah, yeah I'm okay. How are you?"
"Same old" Poor guy/girl wasn't happy at all.
"What's up? D'you wanna talk about it?"
"No" she replied bluntly. "Sorry, I have..."
"Trust issues?"
"You too?"
"Is it that obvious?" We both snickered.
"I think...I wanna go back to just he/him pronouns" he told me. "Like i still...identify as non binary but i just prefer he/him or he/they"
"You do whatever feels right for you. We're here to support you" I told him.
"Thank you" She smiled softly. "But seriously, are you okay?"
"I'm fine" Lies honestly.
"Sorry weird question but...does your...brain ever...split? Like...when something happens its just all bad or all good?"
"What d'you mean?"
"Like...for example my ex girlfriend was the sweetest person I knew and she could do nothing wrong but when she broke up with me i thought completely badly of her. There was no...midpoint. I just fucking hated her even though she had shit going on"
"Yeah...that happens to me too"
"i didn't care to hear about the actions that led up to it. I didn't listen. Right of the bat I was angry and I broke up with her before she could do anything else or even speak to me. Better to push her away first so I don't spiral"

Why was Arrow so fucking relatable?

"I...don't know what to say" I replied.
"It's okay" He replied as Delilah returned holding snacks for all of us.
"Talking about me?" She joked, sitting down.
"I was telling Zahra about my BPD and she related to some of the symptoms" Arrow replied.
"Huh?" I stammered.
"Yeah. Splitting and unstable relationships are symptoms of BPD" He added.
"BPD is very complex Arrow" I pointed out.
"Oh really? Maybe you should get that checked out" Delilah spoke. I typed away like a mad man under the table, desperate to get away.
"Im sure its nothing! One or two symptoms dont really mean much"

ring me i typed.

harry <3: Are you okay?

yes but help Yeah, i couldn't type for shit.

"I mean thats how I got diagnosed. I had a few and my doctors looked into it" Arrow replied. Then thank God, my phone rang.
"Hello?" I picked it up straight away.
"Hello gorgeous. Everything okay?"
"Uh...I don't know......" i replied.
"Okay, change of plans then. We're going London right now. Get your cute face home please" I knew he was grinning. "Oh but if they ask, its an emergency"
"Okay, I'll be there i love you" i was smiling so much inside.
"I love you too my darling angel!" He was so sweet.

"Everything okay?" Delilah asked me.
"Emergency. Gotta run, Harry needs me. Sorry" I replied, packing away my things.
"Oh it's okay! I hope he's okay!" Delilah replied.
"Take care Zahra!" Arrow smiled weakly.

He saw right through me.

"It worked I'm guessing" I got inside my flat to see Harry packing a bag for me.
"Yup. Thanks to you" i replied, hugging his waist.