Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

68: Telling Harry

"You dont get it, do you Harry?" I turned around and sat back down next to him, tears in my eyes. "My brain is so different to yours. It just tells me I don't deserve good things and nothing good will last a-and that I'm an awful person and that no one cares about me...i-i hate myself so much and I-i'm too scared to commit because i don't wanna get hurt or abandoned...i just...i wish i wasn't like this"
"Oh darling c'mere" Harry pulled me into his arms as sobs escaped my mouth. "Hey you listen to me: none of this is your fault. Okay, you of all people deserve to be happy and just because you suffer it doesn't mean you don't deserve to be in love"

"Harry, i dumped you because of it. What if i do it again?"
"We need to talk then. We just gotta be a bit slower. I refuse to lose you again"
"You're right...as usual"
"Shut up" He chuckled. "So...what d'you say?"
"I say...I want you back. Now please"
"Done" He smiled cheekily. "I should head out though, it's getting late"
"Or you could stay..."
"Slow. Remember?"
"Ugh fine..."
"I'll come by tomorrow if you want? We can talk properly"
"Actually...can I come to you?"
"Of course you can. Yeah, I-I'd like that"
"Okay well...get home safely"
"I will. Stay safe, okay? Call me if you need me"
"I-i will. Can i...hug you?" I asked shyly.
"You're my girlfriend, you don't need to ask"

Girlfriend.

We shared a warm hug before I let him go.

Well then, what a good turn of events.

I awoke the next morning and laid in bed for ages. Harry had texted me and told me I could come whenever I wanted so I eventually slid out of bed and got ready into a white t shirt, a white long pleated skirt and my brown docs. I winged out my eye liner and brushed on some mascara before brushing down my curly hair. I'd booked my train already so I had some water then headed out as i wanted to get some Greggs first:

The train ride was about an hour or so then the tube ride to Harrys was quite fast. I made it eventually and when I got there he was outside watering his plants. He spotted me walking towards him and smiled.
"You're early" He chuckled.
"Peak white comedy" I sighed, giving him a hug.
"Good to see you. Come in"

Harrys house too looked different. The photos of us on the fireplace were now gone and everything I'd ever given him was gone too - he'd given it all back ages ago and I left it in my back garden. We sat on opposite ends of his sofa before he started talking.

"So this morning I did some research and I thought we could talk more about your mental health and stuff" He's such a fucking angel.
"Uh i wrote it all down before i went to bed last night if that helps" I got a piece of paper out from my pocket and thrusted it in his direction.
"Oh thanks!" He skim read it before looking back up at me.
My cheeks flushed red, causing Harry to slip his hands into mine.
"You don't need to feel ashamed around me baby" I missed him calling me that. "Also splitting seems fucking scary: but its clear to me that you want me to just...comfort you"
"Like you always have" i swooned, causing him to chuckle. "But just remember to look after yourself too. I get really...sad. And i need some time to calm down but I just think a hug would help" I giggled
"I will hug you, I promise" he kissed my hands softly and sighed. "I've missed you"

I wanted to tell him so badly.
It was so important as we were getting back together. And consents very important.

"H-harry" I said quietly.
"Yes love?" He replied.
"I need to...tell you something" My voice cracked slightly, alerting Harry that it was serious.
"Are you okay love?" He asked.
"N-no" Tears filled my dark eyes. "S-something happened to me"
"What happened darling? Talk t' me"
"I-i cant say it" I sniffled. "I-i-i cant"
"You can write it down. Text me even"
"I-im so ashamed"
"Theres nothing to be ashamed of darling. You can tell me anything, i promise"
"G-give me your phone"

Harry handed me his phone that was no longer smashed like last time and I typed away on his notes app.

Giovanni touched me up ahhaahhahahaha and im sad

Yeah, laughing it off was my coping mechanism.

"What!? No, no baby tell me this isn't true. Please tell me this isn't true" Tears filled Harrys eyes as he saw what I'd typed.
"Im sorry" I started sobbing my heart out, causing Harry to cradle me in his arms.
"Baby you have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault at all" He whispered into my ear. "Have you told anyone?"
"You and...Niall. H-he was the first person I told. W-we met up in Crawley and I told him. Until yesterday he was the only person I-I'd seen in weeks" I cried. "T-thats what the shouting was about yesterday"
"Harlow was telling him off for hurting you" Harry sussed out. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry"
"It's fine. I...I'll be fine. I dunno"

"If you want me to beat him up, I will" He sounded dead serious and I knew Harry was really strong - he could total that guy.
"It's okay. I'm just glad I could tell you"
"You can tell me anything. I love you"

He never stopped.

"I love you too Harry" I pulled away and gazed into his eyes. "So much. C-can I kiss you?" And like that, our lips connected together softly