Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

41: Relationships

"Harry and I kissed"

"WHAT!?" Both my friends shouted. The people dining it turned and looked at us as the room fell silent.
"God dammit" I muttered.

"Explain yourself Miss" We were now sitting outside with our drinks.
"I was crying a lot and i locked myself in my room and then i let him in and asked him for help so he helped get my breathing steady. Then I had a go at him and he kissed me to shut me up"
"WHAT!?" My friends squealed.
"And then we kissed again...and uh...yeah"
"What happened after that?" Del asked.
"Well he...uh we just chilled"

Wrong. All fucking wrong.

"Love? Are you...alright?" His hand was on my thigh as well...I was on his lap. Ah, he'd felt my scars.
"Better than before, that's for sure" I admitted.
"Thank god" He sighed in relief. "I got worried"
"That's all you do" I joked. He just chuckled, burying his head into my neck.
"Harry, what are we doing?" I asked him.
"What dyou mean?" He lifted his head up, his curly hair falling over his eyes.
"Well...we just...kissed" I giggled shyly.
"We did, didn't we?" He smiled warmly.
"Why'd you do it?"
"Uh...well...I dunno I guess...I..."
"Take your time. It's okay" I assured him.

"You just...you make me feel things. When you...when you do things. Y'know when you just sit there doing your homework and you get up to change the side or record when the musics over. Or when you highlight sentences that remind you of me when you're reading. And when you grab my hand and pull me into retro shops and make me try things on...just...i like it. I like your hair a-and your eyes...your smile..."
"And me?" I joked.
"Yeah. A lot" he looked down at his lap, smiling shyly.

Yeah, he admitted that he had a crush on me.

After that, I kind of freaked out and he left so I could be alone. It'd been a few days and we texted from time to time but I needed to figure stuff out.

"Uh yeah we just hung out and he told me he liked me. And well I freaked out and he left so i could be alone"
"Awwww" They both squealed.
"So...d'you like him back?" Delilah asked.
"I think. I did kiss back and...initiated the second kiss but...I dunno. How d'you know?"
"Well, how does he make you feel?"
"Happy. I like being around him. Safe. Appreciated. And...he's...pretty"
"What kind of pretty?" Lav replied.
"He just...he's just...unreal" I said dreamily. "He's sooooooo pretty Lav. Like...i wanna kiss him again"

"Is there vodka in your iced tea or something?" Delilah picked up my drink and took a sip.
"Zahra, you like him so much. You guys literally act like a couple! Making plans every weekend, the compliments, affection, the fact you want to kiss him again. Not to mention when you say hes so so so so so so so nice. Remember when us four went to that cafe near the station? You kept looking at him" Lav replied.
"Well yeah but anyone would, he's handsome"
"Uh uh. We went to the pier after and you were leaning on his side. And then he let you lay in his lap and you just kept looking at him"
"And he was playing with your hair! You two like each other! Oh, you should give it a go!"
"Huh? What? Date Harry?" I stammered.

"Of course! Ask him if you two can go on a date and just talk things over"
"No! No, I-i cant date him!"
"Why not? You two are into each other"
"Because...i just...im not...im not fun to be around"
"No, you're just mentally ill" Delilah shrugged. "Tell her Lav"
"I have bad anxiety and my girlfriend helps me a lot. Constant re assurance, amazing communication...she's lovely. She doesn't have any diagnoses mental illnesses but when she gets upset I take her for a walk or make her food. Relationships are... team work. You look after each other, get to know each other more everyday...it's awesome. Nothing to be scared of. You need to initiate it. Even text him right now and say "can we talk soon?""
"Can you do it...?""
"Sure!" Lav took my phone and typed away.
"God, this is exciting!" Delilah grinned.
"Scary though" I sighed.
"Hey, I hope you're okay. When you're free can you come over so we can talk?" Delilah read out as Lavender passed me my phone and i got an instant reply.

harry <3 : Are you okay? You used capital letters and sound different.

"Woah. He's good!" Lavender laughed.

sorry, i asked lav to type it i was scared :(

harry <3: No need to be scared. Did you...tell them?

yeah and delilah. i just needed help im sorry i should have asked you

harry <3: Nothing to be sorry for, don't worry! You dont need my permission to talk to people about us (unless obviously its something personal about me). Besides, I talked to my Mum and a few friends.

proud of you :') you free tomorrow?

harry <3: is 4pm okay?

sure :) see you <3

harry <3 : Stay safe, love you

harry <3: I meant that platonically

:') i luv u 2 harry...platonically

"4 o clock tomorrow. We're gonna talk" I replied, putting my phone down. "I adore Harry but...I'm scared"
"Trust issues bae" Delilah replied.
"So...how's your partner? And yours Lav? I feel like I never hear about them" i asked.
"I only talk about her if people ask" Lav shrugged.
"Yeah, me and Arrow are private and just occasionally flex. We're good though! Amazing honestly" Delilah said. "Also I love getting invested in other peoples lives" This was true.
"Same with me and Elle. We're good!! We communicate well and have a code incase of emergencies and also take needed time away from each other. Just make sure to set boundaries...and a safe word when it gets to a certain point"
"Oh, Lav really!?" I scolded them, causing they and Delilah to cackle.

"It's going to be okay. I promise"