Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

36: Sad

Are you okay?

I didn't see you when I woke up and you're still not back

Are you safe?

Just text me when u can ily

Im here if you need anything

Yeah, Harry went out really early and he still wasn't back. Lavender came over to keep me company as I was pretty anxious.
"I'm sure he's fine, he's sensible! He probably just needed some space" They assured me.
"Im just worried maybe I said or did something"
"Oh love, don't worry! I'm sure he just needed an alone day y'know? C'mon lets do some work maybe"
"I-i don't want to work, I want him" I trembled.

Yeah, looking back I can see what was going on with me. Lavender could too but they knew I was stubborn so they just let me be.

"He's fine, I promise. Look, he probably just isn't on his phone right now. You can give him a ring if you want but I don't think he'll answer" But right on cue, the front door burst open and Harry walked inside my flat, slamming the door behind him. His eyes were red and his phone screen was smashed. I burst into tears and ran to hug him, throwing my arms round his waist. He pulled me closer to him, his breathing heavy.
"W-where were you? I-i was worried" I cried.
"I'm fine love" No he wasn't. He fucking wasn't.
"Um...if you two need time alone I'll leave" Lavender piped up.

"Are you...Lavender?" Harry asked, his arms still round me. I sniffled and looked up at them.
"Was it the lilac hair?" They giggled.
"Yeah" Harry chuckled in response, his voice hoarse. "Uh pleasure to meet you, sorry about...this"
"It's not a problem. We all have off days" Even they knew he wasn't alright.
"Uh...do you mind if Zahra and I talk? Sorry to do this I just need to speak to her urgently"
"Don't worry about it, I have lunch with girlfriend now. Nice meeting you Harry, see you tomorrow Zahra"

After they left, I pulled away from Harry.
"Did I hurt you?" I croaked.
"No! No, darling of course not! You've been absolutely lovely"
"You're...you're not lying are you?"
"Never" He kissed my head softly, wiping my salty tears away. "C'mon love, let's have a chat"

We sat on my bed, him cradling me in his arms.
"I just need you to know that none of this is your fault. You've always been...such an angel. And I really appreciate that" He began, wiping my tears away. "I...haven't been doing well recently. Mentally"
"You know you can tell me anything" I sniffled.
"I know love but I just wanted to be there for you"
"Harry, no...you don't need to pretend to be okay o-or hide it. Even if I'm not okay. Bro, I'm never fucking okay! It doesn't matter to me, I want to be there for you!"
"I know you worry love, fuck. I came back and God...I hate seeing you upset and I'm sorry for worrying you" He felt really guilty...for what?
"No, Harry it's okay. You needed time alone and I'm proud of you for making that decision"
"Thank you" He smiled weakly, looking down shyly. "I think...I might go back to London for a bit. Y'know, see a therapist"

My heart dropped. He was going to go home.

"If that's what you need to do, do it" I replied.
"I love you so much" He cupped my cheeks with his hands and gazed into my eyes. "You've always just...been there for me. I just love your presence" He chuckled sheepishly.
"You can tell me anything Harry. I'll always be here for you" I wiped my eyes gently. "Don't you ever scare me like that again@

We shared a long hug and just breathed before I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I went to open the door when I heard Harry talking.
"I didn't have it in me to tell her. Hey, it's not that easy! Eventually yeah. I just...don't wanna scare her. Also, her health. I know, I know. Oi i know, it was so bad! God, I cant believe i said that! God...Oh okay! Yeah, call me later"

That was my cue to leave the bathroom.

Harry was pacing round my room till he spotted me watching him, my head cocked.
"You alright?" He asked.
"Yeah...are you?" I responded.
"I'll be fine. Im starving though"
"I'll make you some cookies if you want"
"Really!?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm gonna get comfortable first though, you wanna maybe do the same?"
"My idea is comfortable is just wearing my boxers" He blushed.
"Okay, go for it if you want"

What the fuck.

"Wh-You don't mind?"
"You gotta do what makes you happy. Fuck what everyone else thinks. 'Nd if that means jus' chilling in your underwear, fine"
"Your flat your rules, no?"
"Well yeah...wow the power i hold is immaculate...wait what was i saying?"
"Don't worry about it" Harry planted a soft kiss on my forehead before he went to get comfortable.

What were these feeling I was feeling?