Scared Of Heights | Harry Edward Styles

69: Apologies

"So...how are you?"

I was doing all my university work from home due to my trauma so Harry came over ever so often to keep me company - as did Niall who was over the moon with how things turned out. I told Harry I didn't want to snake out Giovanni but I did want him to be there for me - like Niall was.

"I'm managing. You?" We were sitting on my couch, cuddling like the saps we were.
"I'm really well. You look like you're gonna cry though" He kissed my forehead gently.
"I am" I sighed.
"Go on then. You can cry"

So I did. I cried my eyes out onto Harry who comforted me to the best of his ability.

"I'm just...not feeling good" I sniffled.
"I know" He kissed my chapped lips gently and sighed. "Whats up?"
"I just...i don't know what i'm doing with my life. I-i dont wanna go into uni ever again. I-i haven't gone in, in over a month. My family hate me. I'm distant from my friends. Everything's just... a bit shit" I sighed.
"What do YOU wanna do?" He asked me.
"Not be a mentally ill bitch"
"Therapy?"
"Soon" See? I didn't say not yet. Progress.

"C-can I see them?" He asked.
"See what?" I replied.
"Uh...y-your wrist" Oh god. I did as asked and rolled my sleeve up to reveal the jagged scars on my wrist. I'd relapsed twice and both times it wasn't pretty.
"Jesus" Harry muttered, holding my wrist in his hand. He traced each scar gently with his thumb before kissing my wrist. "I'm so sorry I did this to you"
"Hey, no" I scolded him.
"I did though...didn't I?" He sniffled.
"No. No, you didn't. Listen to me" I tilted his chin up so he was looking at me as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Okay, self harm is a choice. I don't cope with things well a-and I missed you...there was just miscommunication. I reacted badly in many ways but its no ones fault"
"I love you. So much baby" He cried into my shoulder.
"I love you too Harry. Don't cry, it's okay"

"What are your plans for easter?"  He asked after he finished crying and was calm.
"I was gonna stay round Alex's but...I haven't texted her in ages"
"What about you and I go away for a while?"
"What? Like...on holiday?"
"Yeah. You wanna go Amsterdam?"

Harry knew I'd always wanted to go there.

"Harry it costs money" I sighed.
"What am I to you? Chopped liver?" He joked, causing me to giggle. "C'mon, let me treat you. You deserve time away"
"Thought we were taking things slow?"

I got him now.

"Okay fine. We won't. We'll just pick up where we left off" He decided.
"Yay!" I kissed his lips gently, causing him to smile. "Okay. Let's do it"  
"Yayy!" Harry gave me a tight hug before kissing my lips over and over again.  "We leave tomorrow"
"Okay. I'll pack tonight then. Thank you"
"No problem baby. Now go text your friends"
"I might just...tell them. I dunno, I don't care anymore"
"Whatever you do, I'll support"
"I know, you angel"

hey alex im sorry ive been so MIA. in short i got assaulted in uni and ive been isolating myself for like a month. im so sorry for not texting you for ages i love u and promise to see u soon - im going away for a while but when im back i'll see yall soon.

I sent the same message to all my friends who sent love my way.

Lav: oh babe im so sorry :( i love you so much and im here for you always. take the time u need. we know what you're like babe honestly never say sorry for taking time away we know you need space sometimes and thats valid!

Hey there delilah. I love you !!! Always here, u go enjoy urself beb, see u soon!

Arrow: wtf im so sorry :( hmu if u need anything thats so shit literally dont be sorry for needing time away

Alex: what the fuck im si sorry you dont need to say sorry for anythinf i adore you so much !

Blue: who am i killing? Ily bestie, take some time for urself !

"You have people in your life that care a lot about you" Harry whispered in my ear.
"I know...my brains just dumb"
"You'll be okay" He kissed my head softly. "I love you"
"I love you more Harry. Thanks for everything"